I know you think you got it tough. Your wife doesn't respect you. Your kids think you're a failure. A good day for you is when you don't come across any new foot diseases...Believe me, I sympathize. But you think your life reeks? Take a whiff of mine, pal. My wife gained a hundred pounds for every year we were married. We had two kids. I think she ate 'em, I dunno. I hated driving home so much I had vanity plates written up that said "Hit me." But despite it all, she loved me. You know how I know? BECAUSE SHE TOLD ME!! Oh, yeah! When I was at work, she loved my father, my brother, my bookie...but when I found my grandfather's teeth in my bed under the pillow, then I knew there was trouble in paradise. That's when I did what any other man would do, Bundy. I canceled my insurance and I hung myself. Showed her, huh?!
“It's A Bundyful Life: Part 2” · Season 4, Episode 12
In this episode: Al Bundy (2), Angel (2), Kelly Bundy (1), Bud Bundy (1)
Bud, quick. What's more important: love or money?
Money. I can always rent love.
Kelly, what's the color of an orange?
Right now? No multiple choice? Straight off the top of my head?
I'm a guardian angel. I'm looking for an Al Bundy. Do you know an Al Bundy?
I'm Al Bundy.
(The guardian angel looks away)
NOOOOOOOOO! WOULD YOU STOP PLAYING NINTENDO UP THERE FOR A MINUTE?!! LOOK AT THE MESS YOU GOT ME INTO!! WHAT HAVE YOU DONE TO ME!?"
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Married... with Children pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.