Al Bundy quotes from Married... with Children

Al

Okay. Well, maybe I have called death once, twice or a hundred times. But it's just something you say but you don't mean -- you know, like "How ya doing?" or "I love you."

Al

Now listen here, Jerry. Bowling is a man's sport. If God had wanted women to bowl, he'd have put breasts on their backs to give us something to watch till it was our turn.

Al

It's not the dress that makes you look fat, it's the fat that makes you look fat!

Al

Well, if you came with a remote and mute button, I might turn you too every now and then.

Al

A fat woman clip-clopped into the shoe store today and said, “I need something I'd be comfortable in”. I said, “Try Wyoming”.

Al

A fat woman sloshed into the shoe store today. Said she was retaining water. I said not to worry about it. The dam of cellulite holding it back should keep us all high and dry for the next few years.

Al

Great, you get upstairs, I'll put the chicken out.

Al

[to Alexis] No, do you always go to work wearing curtains and smelling of Mars bars?

Al

A woman comes in the shoe store today, so huge she's protected by Greenpeace.

Al

A fat woman Godzillas into the shoe store today, asks for something she could wear to walk in the woods. Jokingly I suggest she wear a sign that says 'Don't shoot from the front I look human'.

Al

All right you son of a woman from Wanker. You wanna drive, Lets Drive.

Al

Pretty women make us buy beer. Ugly women make us drink beer.

Al

The things that happen when you forget to pack your cyanide pill.

Al

Ah, you two are the best kids any dad could accidentally have.

Al

Thank you, Peg, for booking me on the Titanic.