[To audience] Nothing like two days in the hospital to make you appreciate your own home.
[Reese takes tub of popcorn from Malcolm.]
Oh my God! Look at Malcolm's hospital bill! I can't imagine how much it would've cost if he'd actually gotten the surgery.
Well, there goes our summer vacation.
So we have to pay, even though he was faking?
I wasn't faking ! I was the one who found out they were wrong.
Well, if you're so smart, why didn't you figure it out sooner?
[Everyone stares at Malcolm]
Well, son, would you like to field that one for us?
[To audience] Nothing like ten seconds at home to make you appreciate the hospital!
I'm not kidding, it's really sore.
Alright! That's enough! I don't care what assignment you didn't do or what test you didn't study, you're still going to school.
You know, now you mentioned it...
Dewey, don't be frightened, but there's a spider next to you.
Yeah, Dad. There's always a spider on Bacon Day.
Why do I have to stay in the kids' ward?
I'm sorry, honey, but you're six months too young to have an adult room.
I hear if you're really good, they'll put apple juice in your sippy cup.
Reese, give your brother a hug.
(gives Malcolm a hug) If you tell anyone I hugged you, I'm putting you back in here.
Dewey, you're wearing my shirt.
CF Cadet Finley
I can't take this anymore. If I don't eat, I'm gonna pass out!
CF Cadet Finley
Who are you?
CD Cadet Drew
I'm your roomate.
The strike has been settled! (the cadets cheer) We got his magic hat!
Dewey [while playing a board game]: Hey, we look like the family on the box. (the family agrees) Can I be the little girl?
Hal [to Malcolm]: Whatcha' doing there, son?
I have to prove Kepler's Third Law of Motion.
Reese, do you know what empathy is?
Well, empathy is putting yourself in other people's shoes so you can feel what they do. If you hurt someone, empathy makes you hurt as well.
Then why would you want empathy?
[turns away to Lois, stunned] He has no more sense of right and wrong than a tree-frog!
(seeing Francis' notes, which is a little sheet of paper) That's your half? (picks up a book) THIS IS MY HALF!!!!
Eric [to Francis]: YOU COPIED A PAGE FROM THE DICTIONARY!
We can hurt him... we can be parents again!
WR Mr. Woodward, Reese's history teacher
I just don't think you'd throw away the son who achieves for, well, Reese.
You don't think I'd sacrifice this one? Let me explain something to you. I would sell Malcolm down the river in a heartbeat to save Reese. Malcolm's gonna be fine no matter what happens. Maybe he'll have to go to junior college or start off blue collar, but he'll work his way up to management eventually. Reese is the one who needs saving.
W Woodward
I don't believe you. No mother could ever be that callous to her own son.
[Francis appears in the window, pressed against the glass, while rain pours down and lightning flashes.]
Mom, please let me come home! I'm cold and I'm hungry! Please, I'll fix the roof, I'll paint the house! I'll do anything, Mom, please! Just let me live indoors, Mom! Please, I wanna be warm again! MOM, PLEASE! (sobbing )
[Lois smiles victoriously. Woodward looks rather apprehensive.]
W Woodward
Maybe we can work something out.
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These quotes come from Wikiquote's Malcolm in the Middle pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License .
