Victor quotes from Malcolm in the Middle

What? What?!

Victor

This is live grenade! Do not let go of the handle, or we both die!

I don't want to die!

Victor

Don't worry, all we have to do is find the pin. Find the pin, put the pin back in, and everything will be fine.

[The pin breaks; the two of them are shocked]

[Malcolm is soothing his black eye when Victor and Reese run in, still locked by the grenade.]

Victor

(to Reese) Quit crying like baby.

Malcolm

What's going on?

Grandpa gave me a live grenade. It's really cool. You wanna hold it?!

Victor

No, no, no! It's for you, not him.

Malcolm

Oh my God! We have to call the police!

Victor

No! No police! No police, please! There's no reason to panic. [Throws the phone on the table out of the room]

Malcolm

Yes, there is! You gave Reese a live grenade, and he's a total idiot!

He's right. I am. I don't think I should have it anymore. Here!

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Lois

(sees that the new refrigerator has been destroyed) WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!!!

Victor

We can't be sure.

(hysterical) Grandpa gave me a grenade, and it was going to blow, and I didn't mean to drop it! But Malcolm threw it in the fridge!

Lois

You gave my son a grenade? You brought live ammunition into this house?! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?! ARE YOU COMPLETELY INSANE?!!

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Victor

Because of what just happened, you want us to loan you $3,000?

Please. I know you're uncomfortable loaning to family, so let me be clear. With one phone call, I could have your asses thrown in jail for child endangerment. So, this money I'm asking for, it's not a loan. It's blackmail.

Ida

He's like your cousin Vaslefdt all over again.

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First off, I'm not here to try to sort out the complicated relationship you have with the woman I love. It's not my place. And I know it would be folly to try to put a price on the deep psychological trauma that you've caused Lois through the years. But let me take a stab at it anyway... $3,000 sound okay to you?

Victor

What?!

Well, that would pretty much cover the fridge, the collateral damage, pay off a few credit cards, and finally get the transmission fixed in my car.

Victor

Because of what just happened, you want us to loan you $3,000?

Please. I know you're uncomfortable lending to family, so let's be clear. With one phone call, I could have your asses thrown in jail for child endangerment. So, this money I'm asking for, it's not a loan. It's blackmail.

Ida

He's like your brother Vaslefdt all over again.