Malcolm in the Middle · Season 2, Episode 15
Mom, do you...do you like your parents?
It doesn't matter how I feel about them. It's not like I can trade them for someone else. You can't pick your parents. You're pretty much stuck with whoever you get.
I know.
At least I can be grateful that soon they'll be gone.
Back to their own home.
Yeah...that's what I meant.
If the future's gonna be half as bad as Grandpa and I suspect, the only survivors are gonna be mutants, coackroaches, and me. All living underwater.
We need a fridge. We can't store the meat on the porch forever.
(On the phone with Francis) Grandma and Grandpa are here.
Oh, you're kidding! So did they knock, or did you just hear their cloven hooves clatter up the driveway?!
(to Dewey) That's it, fatten up on pizza. Good luck running when they come with the dogs and chase you into the hills!
What are you going to do when they come after you and throw you in the back of the truck? Are you going to read to them? Are you going to impress them with your giant know-it-all brain?
[Reese is playing around with Victor's army paraphernalia, when he pulls the safety pin off a grenade.]
God in Heaven!
What? What?!
This is live grenade! Do not let go of the handle, or we both die!
I don't want to die!
Don't worry, all we have to do is find the pin. Find the pin, put the pin back in, and everything will be fine.
[The pin breaks; the two of them are shocked]
[Malcolm is soothing his black eye when Victor and Reese run in, still locked by the grenade.]
(to Reese) Quit crying like baby.
What's going on?
Grandpa gave me a live grenade. It's really cool. You wanna hold it?!
No, no, no! It's for you, not him.
Oh my God! We have to call the police!
No! No police! No police, please! There's no reason to panic. [Throws the phone on the table out of the room]
Yes, there is! You gave Reese a live grenade, and he's a total idiot!
He's right. I am. I don't think I should have it anymore. Here!
(sees that the new refrigerator has been destroyed) WHAT HAPPENED HERE?!!!
We can't be sure.
(hysterical) Grandpa gave me a grenade, and it was going to blow, and I didn't mean to drop it! But Malcolm threw it in the fridge!
You gave my son a grenade? You brought live ammunition into this house?! WHAT IS THE MATTER WITH YOU PEOPLE?! ARE YOU COMPLETELY INSANE?!!
Because of what just happened, you want us to loan you $3,000?
Please. I know you're uncomfortable loaning to family, so let me be clear. With one phone call, I could have your asses thrown in jail for child endangerment. So, this money I'm asking for, it's not a loan. It's blackmail.
He's like your cousin Vaslefdt all over again.
First off, I'm not here to try to sort out the complicated relationship you have with the woman I love. It's not my place. And I know it would be folly to try to put a price on the deep psychological trauma that you've caused Lois through the years. But let me take a stab at it anyway... $3,000 sound okay to you?
What?!
Well, that would pretty much cover the fridge, the collateral damage, pay off a few credit cards, and finally get the transmission fixed in my car.
Because of what just happened, you want us to loan you $3,000?
Please. I know you're uncomfortable lending to family, so let's be clear. With one phone call, I could have your asses thrown in jail for child endangerment. So, this money I'm asking for, it's not a loan. It's blackmail.
He's like your brother Vaslefdt all over again.
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