Daolon Wong quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Santa Claus

If you come for a gift, well I'm afraid you've just made the naughty list.

Daolon Wong

Your Chi is the only gift I require.

Santa Claus

Strange friend, your desire for cheese will not prevail against good.

Daolon Wong

CHI, not cheese! [fires a blast of Dark Chi magic]

Santa Claus

Oh my.

Valmont

Me, Valmont, mastermind of the Dark Hand, fleeing authorities like a common- [bumps into Daolon Wong, causing him to drop his belongings]

You!

Daolon Wong

The supplies for my locator spell! You shall suffer for what you have done!

Valmont

What I have done? You transformed my enforcers into samurai zombies! I've been reduced to performing my own dirty work! [grabs Daolon Wong] Return Finn, Ratso, and Chow to me at once!

Daolon Wong

Ha! Why would Daolon Wong heed the demands of an insignificant pickpocket?

Valmont

B- Because I'm bigger than you!

Daolon Wong

Oh? [blasts Valmont with Dark Chi magic, transforming him into a child] Not anymore.

Daolon Wong

Gan, Ren, Chui!

Daolon Wong

The horse!

Okay stretchy, get off your high horse.

Young Valmont

Unhand me, you buffoons!

Whoa!

It's Big-V!

And he's mini!

Young Valmont

Indeed. I attempted to liberate you three, and that rancid prune of a wizard burdened me with this juvenile curse!

Whoa, you tried to rescue us?

Aw.

We didn't know you cared!

Hak Foo

I understand you have been seeking the powers of the Talismans, witch doctor. Allow me to suggest you end your quest for the Ox, as it is a power I intend to obtain! [is immediately immobilized by Daolon Wong]

Daolon Wong

Then obtain it, dear warrior... for me! [transforms him into a Dark Chi warrior]

[in a magic orb] So, you want a piece of Uncle? I will just require my other pieces first.

Daolon Wong

If you ever want to see your pieces again, surrender the location of the ox power!

Very well. You may find what you are looking for in a secret case, very close to- [blows raspberry]

Fool! The Orb of Q'uan Lo will reveal your secrets, exposing those thoughts you hold most dear! [a sandwich appears in the orb] Mung bean sandwich???

Uncle is hungry.

Daolon Wong

I shall peel back the layers! [another image appears in the orb of Uncle spanking Daolon Wong while he cries] What is this?

Your destiny, evil one.

Daolon Wong

My enemies possess nine Talisman powers, and I only possess two?! [seemingly points to Hak Foo] I have you to thank for that!

Hak Foo!

Sheesh!

Get with the program, will ya?

Daolon Wong

I meant all of you!

Daolon Wong

Your answer, most malevolent of fire-breathers?

[in spirit form] It would seem you have summoned me merely to humor me, wizard. For to obtain the power of combustion, you would require a living earth-bound dragon... which I am not.

Daolon Wong

You underestimate my talents, Lord Shendu. As the most malevolent of Dark Chi masters, I know a multitude of ancient spells, some of which might restore you.

Aah, then you may have my rightful power, Daolon Wong, if you find a spell that will allow me to live again.

Daolon Wong

Yes! My prize approaches! The power of combustion...

BELONGS TO ME! [absorbs the Talisman Power]

Aah, feel the burn! [wipes out the Dark Enforcers]

Daolon Wong

But brother of darkness, we had an arrangement!

I may be a noble Dragon, but I am also a demon sorcerer, and not known for keeping promises.

Daolon Wong

I still possess two Talisman Powers with which to destroy you! [fires his heat beam eyes at Shendu, only to have Shendu immediately absorb his powers]

Levitation! Heat beam eyes! What thoughtful birthday presents.

[Gasps] The dark chi master himself.

Jade

Tch. The sly niece meister herself. [Shows the Deja Vu stone]

The Deja Vu Stone.

Jackie

Jade.

Jade

Come on, Jackie. I helped saved the day 72 times. The world's half a dozen times and your butt more times than I care to count.

Jackie

And you made a mess of things more times than I care to count.

Jade

But I always clean up after myself. Just admit it, Jackie. You need me. Hey!

Daolon Wong?!

Daolon Wong

Many thanks for the memories. [Jackie kicks the Deja Vu Stone and he and Daolon Wong are gone]

Jade

Jackie? Jackie?

Jackie

Take me back to the beginning!

Daolon Wong

Hmph. So here we are, back in the old fool's trash heap.

That is old fool's rare trash heap to you!

Jade

Wait a sec. [Looks at her bags] Jackie went to the wrong beginning, the first time we met!

Jackie

Wait, this can't be right, where are Uncle and...

Daolon Wong

Give me that! [Jackie drops the deja vu stone and stares at Jade]

Jackie

Jade...

Jade

Jackie is right, I do get in his way.

You're Jackie Chan, the archaeologist?

Jackie

I bet you were looking for the shield I brought back from Bavaria.

We're looking for the... How'd you know?

Jackie

[Points at Daolon Wong] He has it!

Daolon Wong

Chan is lying! Do you not recognized your master?!

The only master we have is big V!

And he's gonna wanna hear all about where you stashed the shield!

Jade

Way to rewrite history, Jackie!

Did they buy anything?

Jackie

No.

You are terrible salesman! [Jackie looks at Jade and picks up the phone]

Who are you calling?

Jackie

Jade's parents. She must return to Hong Kong.

But she just arrived.

Jade

What?! No way! Who's gonna help save the day?! The world?! Jackie's butt?!

Jackie

Uncle, you must trust me. It will be better for Jade,for us if she does not stay.

Jade

No, Jackie. Hang up the phone, you need me!

Jackie

Since you have things well in hand, Uncle. I will take my leave. [Gasps]

Daolon Wong

The stone is mine!

Hak Foo

Who is that?!

Jade

And what's with the stone you all keep jabbering about?! Wong snake his way in!

Aiya!