Captain Black quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Captain Black

Jackie! Robbery in progress, financial district! It's the Dark Hand!

Jackie

Uhh, good luck with that?

Captain Black

They're packing heat. Talisman heat.

Captain Black

I know you're eager to get on with your life, my friend, but you know more about these Talismans than anyone.

Jackie

Uh but-

Captain Black

I need you, Jackie. One last time.

Jackie

...One last time.

Jade

Just when you think you're out, they pull you back in. So can I-

No! [they leave]

Jade

Didn't even let me ask! ...And if I didn't ask, how am I supposed to know what they said "no" to?

Captain Black

Unc, that was some magic!

[scoffs] Simple Chi spell. Many others in my book.

Jade

So the big bad dragon is back? And he's packing the Talismans?

Talismans are not important! Shendu is a spirit now. Not even the Talismans can change that.

Captain Black

So you figure he's onto something bigger, mi compadre?

The book Shendu stole from my library is the key to understanding his motives.

But which volume did he steal?

How do I know?! We must take inventory!

Captain Black

[holding a book] So all these books have spells? [Uncle cuffs him] Ow!

Do not touch!

Captain Black

Aw...

Captain Black

Valmont and his pals have been spotted downtown. You in, Jackie?

Jade

We're there!

Jackie

Is your name Jackie? [Jade frowns] Captain Black, I thought all Dark Hand matters had been reassigned to Section 12!

Captain Black

That may be so, but I'm not going to sit pretty while the Dark Hand strolls into my backyard and hands a hall pass to a hobgoblin!

Captain Black

Don't worry. All you have to do is fix your way into Valmont's gang, and get ahold of that Pan Ku Box before they open the portal with it.

Jackie

Oh, is that all?

Jackie

[as Chance Jackson; calling Section 13] Uhhh...chinchilla. [pause] What's a chinchilla?! [beat] That's the password! Just get me Captain Black! [pause] What do you mean he can't be disturbed?!

Captain Black

[for one blot] Demon. [another blot is shown] I see a demon.

And this one? [shows another blot]

Captain Black

Socks. Worn by a really big demon.

Captain Black

Valmont and his cronies have been spotted in Florida, near Cape Canaveral.

Jackie

I'm on my way.

Jade

[suddenly appears] Hey! Going on a mission, Jackie?

Jackie

Uh, no! It's not a mission, it's uh, a conference on Feng Shui!

Captain Black

In Minnesota!

Jackie

Want to come?

Jade

Umm, I would Jackie, but you know I have that new science project to cook up.

Captain Black

[taking over the Space Station Headquarters] This is a Level Seven override. My engineers will take it from here.

...okay.

Jackie! [Jackie jumps in surprise, dropping the armor he's carrying] You are too loud!

Jackie

Uncle, you are the one who's yelling!

[gasp] You dishonor the only known existing relic of the Eight Immortals!

Jackie

Ye-eh-You caused me to drop it!

[gasp] You dishonor your Uncle!

Jade

[very sleepy] Hey Jackie...

Jackie

Jade, what are you doing up?

Jade

"Old Yeller" is keeping us all up. He hasn't slept in days!

Tohru! Where is my tea?!

[sleeping standing up and holding tea] Er, what? [falls asleep again, pouring tea on the floor]

Aiya!

Jackie

Uncle, why won't you sleep?

Because, I have demons on the brain! I lay down, and all I hear is "Chi spell! Chi spell! Chi spell!"

Jackie

Have you tried counting sheep?

Demons always eat them.

Jackie

Well...thank you for watching Jade. [proceeds to leave]

Where are you going?! We must study the Immortal's Armor and discover what magic it holds!

Jackie

Now? It is 3 AM Uncle. You should really try to sleep. [cell phone rings]

How can I sleep with all this noise?!

Jackie

[answers phone] Yes?

Captain Black

Jackie, we've spotted the Dark Hand.

Jackie

I'm on my way!

Captain Black

Care to know where you're going?

Jackie

I don't care. Anywhere but here.

Captain Black

Okay...

Jackie

....[hangs up phone] Uncle, I'm off to Spain! I will call you for the Chi spell, once I find out what Demon we're dealing with. [begins to leave fast]

Take the armor, it could be of some use!

Jackie

But you have to discover what magic it holds!

How can I do that if you take it with you?!

Captain Black

Black.

Jackie

Captain Black, I've been trying to reach you for hours!

Captain Black

Sorry, Jackie, company softball game. Guess who hit a home run?

Jackie

You did? Oh, congradula- no!

Jackie

[answers his phone] Hello?

Captain Black

Hope I didn't catch you in the middle of anything, Jackie.

Jackie

Uh, Uncle and Tohru's mom are getting acquainted.

Captain Black

Ah, family time.

[holding a vase] Cheap junk!

[takes vase away] Xing Dynasty!

Captain Black

Could be trouble brewing on the horizon.

Jackie

Believe me, I know.

Captain Black

The Octopus will be on exhibit at the Japanese Expo. I'd feel better if you were there to assist with security.

Jackie

Uh, you want me to guard a fish?

Captain Black

Actually, octopuses aren't fish, they're multipods.

Jackie

Octopi...[as Uncle and Mama Tohru continue to bicker] Please, behave!

Captain Black

Sorry, Grammar was never my best subject in school...

Jackie

Oh, you mean the Kyoto Octopus! It is the most famous relic of the Komodo Dynasty.

Captain Black

Intelligence sources that the Yokanawa Crime Family has the octopus in its sights.

Huh! Why don't you get some light in here?

Thought bats could see in the dark.

Jackie

[to Uncle and Mama Tohru] This must stop!

Captain Black

My thinking exactly. I'll set it up. Thanks for your help, Jackie.

Captain Black

Gentlemen, we have an emergency. Criminal Mastermind Dr. Ashby Necrosis is back.

Dr. Necrosis? The Kingpin of Techno-crime?

Captain Black

The same. Reports are that he has developed a cutting edge high tech doomsday device. The entire world is in jeopardy. We've located what we believe to be the Doctor's base, the Necropolis, inside this dormant volcano. Someone must infiltrate the Necropolis and destroy the Doomsday weapon.

I suggest Taggart McStone.

Captain Black

Unfortunately, Agent Tag retired last year. He left the spy game forever.

Never say forever.

Captain Black

Agent Tag!

I'll require the standard infiltration package, my briefcase, and a fresh suit. Italian, of course.

Captain Black

Of course.

And that's how I reached Arecibo in time to rescue the Chans.

Captain Black

That's why you're our top agent, Tag.

Jade

[growls] "Rescue the Chans"? We did all the hard stuff!

Jackie

It's alright, Jade. Let it go.

Now if I can finish my crossword, this day will truly be a success. Six letters, Celtic Pig Goddess...

Jackie

[falling asleep] Moccas. M-O-C-C-A-S.

Mr. Chan, you're a genius!

Jade

Nope. Just a researcher.

Jackie

So, do you think- could you please pull a few more strings?

Captain Black

I want to Jackie, but my hands are tied this time.

Jackie

I really thought Tohru had left his past behind.

Captain Black

So did I, but the sad truth is some people never change.

Captain Black

I'm very sorry about this.

You should be sorry! We are not used to travelling with outsiders! You are ruining our Feng Shui!

Captain Black

Uh, I meant about the Talismans. I just couldn't get the rocks to work their magic!

Jade

[grabbing the Rooster Talisman from Black's backpack] You gotta have the right touch.

Jackie

[grabs the Talisman and puts it back] Jade...

Jade

Not even for demonstration purposes?

Jackie

No.

Jade

[snaps her finger, unknowingly activating the Monkey Talisman power] Rats. [transforms a nearby boulder into a statue of rats]