Captain Black quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Do not be concerned, friends. The power of the Talismans, lies within.

Jackie

You got them back?

Black

Jackie, Jackie... the Holy man speaks in the mystical sense, as in, May the force be with you, or We are the world. Right?

Oh, no no. The power of the Talismans, truly lies within.

Do not waste your strength, someone will come.

Jackie

Let us hope it's not a wolf.

Black

Or a yeti. [pause] Well they have those here, right?

Jackie

Captain Black?

Captain Black

Jackie! How's England?

Jackie

Dangerous. I fell into a hidden fortress, and men in robes attacked me with magic spe-

Captain Black

NO NO! The M-word Jackie! My superiors already think I'm cracking up! And they're istening-le to my ohne calls-phe!

Jade

Really, I can explain!

Captain Black

No need. The intruder was obviously an emissary of the Dark Hand utilizing a high octane nerve gas. You were foolish to try and stop him on your own... [pats Jade's head] But also very brave.

Jade

Yeah, well I try to be of help.

Jackie

Yes, and I wish you would stop helping. [notices the Talismans are gone] The Talismans! How?!

Jade

Uh... you know that broken statue? Well, he's not so broken anymore.

Jackie

What?!

Jade

Don't worry, Jackie. I can help! [covers mouth] The H word. [later] I meant help you find the warrior, not help do the laundry.

Jackie

I recognize some of these pieces. Some of the finest examples of Emperor's Jade ever to exist.

Captain Black

Until they vanished. As you know the collections of nearly a dozen Chinese museums have been hit over the last decade, and the thefts have the same thing in common.

Jackie

No prints, no tracks, no suspects.

Captain Black

Until now. Section 13 agents have been tracking the movements of Taiwanese billionaire Bartholomew Chang.

Jackie

[noticing Chang's hand is made entirely of jade] His hand!

Captain Black

Made of jade.

Jade

[enters the room] You rang?

The stone.

Jade

Just checking! [leaves]

Captain Black

Our biggest obstacle is diplomatic. The Taiwanese government believes Chang to be its greatest philanthropist. That's why we can't make a move on his island fortress without absolute proof that he's stockpiling the goods there.

Jackie

And I can help you, how?

Captain Black

Chang is about to host his annual exclusive Martial Arts Tournament, ostensibly for charity. But I believe Chang uses the tournament as an audition to recruit muscle for his private army, and the guest transportation as a means to smuggle jade onto the island, and off of it.

Jackie

You want me to attend the tournament as a contestant.

Captain Black

And find the... [looks around; whispers] Jade.

Jade

Captain Black, no offense, but this is way out of Jackie's league. This is a job for the J-Team! El Toro Fuerte; wrestler extraordinaire! Viper; mistress of Hapkido, Pilates, and Krav Maga! Tohru; the big strong... er, Sumo!

Jackie

Uh, yes. Captain Black, I am sorry my niece has such an active imagination.

Captain Black

I like it!

[answers the door excited] Mommy! [hugs and kisses the occupant at the door, only to realize it's actually Captain Black] Captain Black?! I am sorry. [puts him down]

Captain Black

That's alright, Tohru. I'm often mistaken for elderly Japanese women.

Chang has two hands, because that is not really Chang. It is his magical duplicate!

Captain Black

You mean, we're dealing with clones?!

Aiya! Who said anything about clowns?! We are facing forces more powerful than the circus!

Duplicates are imperfect. They contain flaws, like Chang's extra hand, but each is more powerful than its human counterpart due to its magic.

Jade

Aw, we can take them Unc. We'll face off in the epic battle royale! Human vs clone, good vs evil, Jade vs Jade!

You missed Uncle's point! Magic must defeat magic!

Viper

Look who decided to show.

Sorry I am late.

Now, one more thing. We must be very watchful for these defective duplicates.

Jackie

Uncle, we must watch out for-

It is Jackie's Clone!

Jackie

What?! [sees his clone] No! Wait! [is tackled by the J-Team] I am me! He is not me!

Tricky clone, isn't he?

El Toro

Which is the real Jackie Chan?

Captain Black

I have a little quiz only the real Jackie could answer. Jackie, when is my birthday?

Oh... uh...

Captain Black

[bummed out] Jackie, I thought we were pretty good friends...

Jade

Ahem. Hey Jackie, will you take me to Moose World this weekend?

Of course!

Jackie

-not! You have homework!

Jade

[points to the clone] There's your clone.

Sorry, I'll be back to destroy you later, thank you!

Jade

[yawns and stretches her arms as she wakes up] [gasps] It's my birthday! yes! [pumps both arms in excitement]

Jade

[non-chalant tone] Oh~ there you are! What's everybody doing?

Captain Black

[to Uncle] Is the Chi Containment Unit stable?

You want demon chi kept safe? Yes? then let Uncle work without looky-loos~

Jade

Heeelloo? Anybody wanna say something?

Good Morning, Jade.

Jade

Is that all? Don't ya know what today is?

Ah'cha! [slaps his head in realization] Very important day! Day for Uncle's haircut.

Jade

Ah c'mon, you know it's my birthday~ [begins talking fast] Now for breakfast, I want chocolate chip pancakes with whip cream and strawberries and—

Jackie

I'm sorry, Jade. Things are a little busy round Section 13 this morning. We will have to celebrate your birthday -later-

Jade

What!? how much later?

Jackie

Uhh... Just be patient.

Jade

[obvious disappointment] Awwww.

Jade

Well, what are you land lubbers waiting for? Let's shape up and ship out!

Jackie

You are not going, Jade.

Jade

Jackie, I saw a movie Titanic 12 times. That makes me total expert on sunken treasure!

Jade, you must listen to Jackie. You cannot go sub with us.

Jackie

And neither can you, Uncle. Not with your cold or those germs in a tiny close space. [Uncle slaps Jackie's head] Ow!

Uncle is not infectious! [Sneezes] And you cannot perform removal spell yourself?

Jackie

You realize that, Uncle. But Tohru and I can retrieve the castanets. And you can perform the removal spells later on dry land.

Captain Black

Makes sense.

Aw...

Captain Black

Jackie has the bad case of the bends needs to take decompressed for thirty-eight hours, same for Uncle.

Let Uncle out!

Jade

Poor guy, totally delusional.

I do not understand, Jade. Why didn't you tell Captain Black that sensei had the bends?

Jade

Are you kidding?! That garlic smells was making me gag! I figured, two days of solitary, goodbye major stank!

Let Uncle Out! Aiya!

Jackie

I hear knock knock. Who's there? [Giggles]. I like monkies and wax slips. This is a nice phone booth. Ooh, look! I can make funny sounds with my under arms. [Giggling] Oops, 'cuse me.

Jade

Agent Jade, reporting for duty, sir! Let's head them up, and move them out!

Captain Black

Jade, I think you done enough for one night.

Jade

Er.. I didn't mean for Drago keeping the demon chi. I had a plan to...

Jackie

We know you were trying to protect us, Jade.

Jade

Er...

Jackie

And we appreciate it.

Captain Black

And from here on out, little lady. You need to leave the fight to the heavyweights.