Dark Ratso quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Hak Foo

[as the Pan'ku Box reveals the next portal, out in Space] To find this portal, we must travel north. Very north.

Brrr...chilly.

Hak Foo

Very, very north.

Okay, check the warranty on the box! We're like halfway to the moon!

Where did you think Tso Lan, the Moon Demon, would be found?

Uhh, don't we need like, astronaut training?

Climb aboard!

Tso Lan, so good to see you.

Tso Lan

Skip the pleasantries, Shendu. I am interested only in seizing control of the Moon's gravity, so that I may pull the ball from its orbit.

Jade

But- But that'll wreck all of Earth's ecosystems!

How do you know?

Jade

I watch the Science Network! [Ratso blows a raspberry at Jade]

Tso Lan

The child is correct. And only then will Earth's landscape be to my liking.

Whoa! He wants to kabosh the planet!

And you made us let him out?!

Just be glad you are up here.

Valmont

Festive.

I'm telling you Pamplona's famous for something.

Hak Foo

It must be the paella.

Ohh! The thing they hit with the stick until candy comes out?

Valmont

That would be a piñata, Ratso. This is Spain, not Mexico.

Whoa, boss! You can't go in where no man has gone before.

We are not going in, fool! Hsi Wu the Sky Demon is coming out!

[as Bai Tza is lreleased] Whoa. Fish out of water.

Bai Tza

At last! Liberation! And now for some libation...which will require moister climes than this!

Ah ah ah! Now that I have opened the last portal, sister Bai Tza, it is time to liberate me from my prison of flesh!

[grabs Shendu] You DARE request your freedom?!

Have I not earned it?! As promised, I have released all of our brothers and sisters!

Bai Tza

How curious then, THAT SIX DEMON SORCERORS REMAIN TRAPPED IN THE VOID! I should obliderate you on their behalf!

I held my part of the bargain! You cannot blame me for the meddlings of Jackie Chan!

Valmont

Good madame, free me of Shendu, I beg you. Look what he did to my head! [Bai Tza grabs him]

Bai Tza

My answer to you, and my sniveling brother remains...no! [drops him]

Ohh, nasty piranha!

Bai Tza

You!

Him? [indicating to Ratso, before he's grabbed] Heh, hey. You're a fish, I'm Finn! We're sympetico!

Bai Tza

DIrect me to a suitable new empire!

Uh, mi casa es su casa, your amphibiousness!

Bai Tza

A FISH cannery?!

I see your point. Well, there's lots of nice places here in San Fran. And it's all by the water.

Yeah! Great town!

Oh, except for the quakes.

Bai Tza

Earthquakes?

Uh, that's right. The San Andreas Fault runs right through downtown. Better idea, you should move to the East Coast!

Bai Tza

Very well, your San Fran shall be the cradle of my new undersea empire!

Uh, but isn't your new undersea empire supposed to be...you know...

Undersea?

Bai Tza

And so it shall be, once I sink this city!

Uh, can we be excused, Shendu?

Yeah, seeing as how we opened all the portals for you...

You don't need us to carry old Pan'ku anymore.

Never seeing any of you ever again would make me a very happy dragon.

Say "Bye bye" to Valmont! [enforcers begin to leave]

I hear Utah's nice this time of year!

Anywhere but here!

Valmont

Weren't you listening Shendu?! If we stay here, we will drown!

Not if we have gills!

Jade

Hey, maybe you haven't heard, but possession is nine tenths of the law!

[taking out some nunchucks] Yeah? And this here's the other two tenths!

Jackie

You need to work on your math!

Yeah? My math's good enough to know that three against one ain't very good odds.

Valmont

Spare me the gladiator scene. Just get the merchandise!

Dude, check it out. [Valmont chugs a large jar of creamer] Uh, want a little coffee with your cream there, Big-V? [Valmont ignores him and just licks his fingers]

I'll give him one thing; he's very tidy.

I say we collect the dough for this thing pronto, get Valmont to a doctor. Maybe there's some kind of cure.

Don't you mean... a veterinarian?

I heard that. In fact, my hearing has become quite accute. There is no cure, because this is not a disease. It's a transformation. And I rather like the new me.

[beckons to Uncle's Shop] That's where I unloaded the Emerald.

Chan?!

He has the stone?!

Of all the rotten luck!

Maybe we should track down a different emerald.

Yo, I'm the boss, and I say we're getting this emerald! Hey, maybe Chan was too much for the Dark Hand, but we are the Finn Experience!

Jackie

[cellphone rings] Hello?

Jackie, I have been doing more research. Tohru is performing an Irish Good Luck spell for you. Is it working?

Jackie

Don't- [pinched] Ow! -think so.

You call that an Irish Jig, Tohru? That spell says you must River Dance! [to Jackie] One more thing. To avoid bad luck, always wear a belt, beware of men named Seamus, and never stand with your back to an open door.

Jackie

Are you making these up?

Do you want Uncle's help or not?!

Jackie

[backs away from an open door] Bah! Open door! [backs into Finn, Ratso, and Chow] Ah! The Dark Hand?!

Not anymore. We are Finn and the Revolution!

I thought we were the Finn Experience.

Eh, I'm still playing around with names.

We never made this kind of coin working for the Dark Hand!

The Rolling Finns rock!

My solo debut just went triple platinum!

My patience wears thin, Valmont. Every moment spent imprisoned in this stone casement is an eternity lost!

Valmont

I assure you Shendu, my men are spending every waking moment searching for your Talismans.

Aw, come on, I wanna see the baseball scores!

Nuh-uh! Not until I finish checking out Stewie Cablooie. He's the bomb!

You two! Come closer!

Uh oh...

Show me the parchment.

[shows Shendu the Sports section] You a Giants fan, Shendu?

Argh! Turn it over!

The hair plugs ad?

[seeing an article about an ancient statue] The statue of Lo Pei...

You wanna see Lo Pei, oughta check out my salary. Get it? Low pay?

The small one is no pal. She is the enemy, o great Lo Pei.

Jade

[gasps]

You know my name?

Sure. We're your homies.

[whispers to Chow] Talk flowery, like Shendu said.

I... I mean, uh, fellow warriors from the Ling Dynasty, come to help. As, uh, the dew helps the morning glory to blossom.

Oh, yeah. That's us.

Ah-ha.

Jade

No way you're buying this.

The emperor sent us to help you hide the Talisman—[notices more Talismans] Talismans. You got so many, he figures we can do it faster and cheaper.

Jade

They are so lying. They're the Dark Hand. Bad guys. Enemies of Jackie and me!

Yeah, Lo Pei, you know Jackie. The guy who was trying to bust you up back on Alcatraz. He's her uncle.

Jade

Uh... by marriage. Hardly know him, really. Heh.

As the Lily pad offers respite to the weary bullfrog, so your service to our cause is much appreciated. [offers the Talismans to the Dark Hand]

Jade

No... [Ratso restrains her] Unh. Let go! Unh.

A Sacred Warrior would never harm a child. You are impostors!