Dark Ratso quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

I wish we hadn't lost that speed talisman.

I wish Chan was never born.

I wish one of those talismans would come to us for a change!

I wish I had a million bucks!

So she speeds off, and then zappo, she's gone!

It was freaky, Big V! Left behind some kind of energy hole!

Valmont

Energy hole? Zappo?

A crude description, Valmont, but I indeed sense a wrinkle in time. The child has used the speed talisman to forge a tunnel to the past.

Valmont

And if Shendu's rabbit dug a hole, all you idiots have to do to secure the Talisman is go through that hole.

But tunnels through time flow only in one direction. If you wish them to return, they will require this. [a Shadowkahn warrior presents a crystal orb to Tohru]

So uh...just how far back does this tunnel thingy go?

We talking dinosaurs?

Valmont

I don't care if it leads to the Big Bang, you buffoons! Just bring me that talisman!

Whoa! It's Chan! But bite-sized!

And if we off him when he's little...

He'll never get big!

Destroy him!

Young Jackie

[gasp] Bad day...

Valmont

And now that I'm finally rid of that petulant lizard, Shendu, the Dark Hand will rise ag-

Uh, Valmont? Your pancakes are getting cold. [Valmont gives Ratso his pancake stack]

Valmont

Speaking of temperature, you'll need to acquire some serious heat if we're to embark on our epic crime spree!

Now you're talking, Big-V!

So, what's the plan?

Valmont

You three will break into Section 13 and steal the Talismans.

Whoa, again?

Uh, busting into Section 13's kinda risky.

Besides V, we don't do flunky work.

Not unless we're getting paid.

Valmont

Uh true, this Demon nonsense has depleted Dark Hand finances, but you know I'm good for it!

Okay, but you gotta make us partners.

Valmont

Call yourselves Vice Presidents if you wish, just bring me those Talismans! [the restaurant bill is placed on the table, which Valmont hands to the Enforcers]

Hey!

Valmont

What? I didn't eat.

[after breaking into Section 13] Sweet! No guards in sight!

Shhh!

Man, security here stinks!

Daolon Wong

[taking the Talismans] ... and Monkey makes twelve. [suddenly grabbed by Ratso]

We'll take those.

Who are you anyway?

Ooh ooh, I know! He's the drummer from KISS!

Chan!

Daolon Wong

Retrieve the Talismans!

What he said!

Valmont

Well?

Uhhh...

That thing about making us partners? Don't worry about it.

Valmont

If I were employing you, I would fire you!

Daolon Wong

[steps from behind a corner] You three! I require your assistance.

...So what's the gig pay?

Daolon Wong

Gan, Ren, Chui!

You're orange!

You're bald!

Freaky...

Daolon Wong

Bow before me, Dark Chi warriors.

Finn don't bow to no- [Daolon forces them to bow using Chi magic]

Daolon Wong

You are no longer mortal men, but powerful servants enslaved to do my bidding.

Valmont

Now see here! Finn, Ratso, and Chow are my servants, and I will thank you not to- [Daolon Wong traps Valmont in the ground up to his neck] AH! Hey!

Daolon Wong

[detects a Talisman power] Ah, it would seem good fortune is mine, for one of the Talisman powers remains near. Come my warriors. [transports himself away]

Where'd he go? [the Dark Enforcers are transported away, leaving Valmont behind]

Valmont

Wait! You can't just leave me here! Release me at once!

Pee-ew! Are we there yet?!

So, Big-D, really appreciate you turning us into superpowered Dark Chi dudes and all, but we gotta talk image. I'm not digging the whole orange vibe, and hey, these outfits kinda scream "boy band".

Nah, we look like KISS!

We look like circus freaks.

Chan had a masked crime fighter with him, your worship!

The sun was in our eyes!

We need bigger weapons!

Daolon Wong

Excuses, excuses! I see that if I wish this task accomplished, I must do it myself!

That's cool. We'll wait here, rest up, order some Chi pizza...

[holding the imposter snake] I know three Dark Warriors who are finally about to make Daolon Wong a happy wizard.

Let's not be hasty. This snake can make us invisible.

We can sneak into any movie we want for free!

[clears throat] If old crazy eyes can't see us, we can sneak up and stomp the Chi out of him.

And force him to turn us back into our normal old selves!

Yeah! [they grab the snake]

Talisman power, on!

Hey, I can still see you guys.

Uh, 'cause we're all invisible?

Ohhhhh...

I was never any good at science.

Big-D!

Hiya!

We're pumped for round two!

Daolon Wong

I have no further use for those who allow themselves to be waylaid by unconscious livestock!

So... we're free to go?

Daolon Wong

Gan, Ren, Chui! [summons the Dark Enforcers]

Hey football!

Bonding time, eh Big-D?

[hugging Daolon] We knew you were one of us!

Daolon Wong

Gan, Ren, Chui!

Daolon Wong

The horse!

Okay stretchy, get off your high horse.

Young Valmont

Unhand me, you buffoons!

Whoa!

It's Big-V!

And he's mini!

Young Valmont

Indeed. I attempted to liberate you three, and that rancid prune of a wizard burdened me with this juvenile curse!

Whoa, you tried to rescue us?

Aw.

We didn't know you cared!

You're going down, Queen Kong!

The bigger they are, the harder they- [Giant Jade immediately defeats them by stepping on them]

Young Valmont

They didn't see that coming?! Honestly, why did I ever want them back?!