Dark Ratso quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Jackie

The Dark Hand... will... never... have all... twelve! [turns to stone]

Jade

Jackie!

A dollar says his hand will snap right off!

Deal!

Get in there!

[getting in the car] Are those seats real leather? Oh, those poor cows! [sobbing]

Whoa, Shen-dude!

Uh, welcome to Earth?

Good to see ya up and around!

Valmont

Tohru, make this deadbeat puny up!

You go bro.

We're right behind you-

-in spirit.

Too bad about the lost treasure of... y'know, whatcha call it.

Uh, will this affect our bonuses?

You get a bonus?

Valmont

Shut it!

Valmont

[angered] It would seem we have lost the lost treasure of Ching Xi Hung. On the bright side, however, Jackie Chan has done me a tremendous favor by eliminating my albatross.

[whispers] Albatross? I thought Shendu was a dragon.

Valmont

Which means we now have exclusive access to... [picks up the Dragon Talisman] some very potent magic.

Valmont

Twelve Talismans, four Enforcers, three each.

Uh, boss... there's only three of us since Tohru cashed in his frequent flyer miles.

So, I'll just hang on to these-

Hak Foo

Hungry crane spears fish!

Valmont

Everyone remembers Hak Foo?

[nervously] Heh, hiya Hak!

Or do you prefer Foo?

Valmont

Master Foo. The Black Tiger shall be your new lieutenant.

We must have left millions on that beach! What is the deal, Big-V?

[revealing himself in possession of Valmont's body] Valmont cannot hear you!

Uh-oh.

Shendu?

He's back...

Your Talismans, Mr. Shendu.

We was takin' care of 'em for ya. [chuckles nervously, as the Enforcers try to leave, with Shendu blocking their path]

Keep your Talismans, they no longer matter to me.

Wow...

Valmont

[confused] How did I- Where is the money?!

Uhh, Big-V? Shendu's back.

Valmont

What?! WHERE?!

Inside you!

Valmont

....Wha- That's preposterous- [walks past a mirror to see Shendu's reflection] AH! Get out!

Trust me, Valmont, the feeling is mutual. But for now, you and your thugs will assist me, or perish! [breathes fire from Valmont's mouth at the enforcers]

Got it!

We're swinging to your beat!

Tohru, buddy!

You're alive!

Good to see you. [grabs the enforcers and throws them against the wall]

Tohru's a traitor!

The portal of Xiao Fung the Wind Demon lies on the southern land mass, four million and one cubits above the southern hemisphere, beyond the blasted forest, nestled between the rolling hills.

Uh, the only thing I see nestling...

...is Hollowlands Penitentiary!

Valmont

You mean to tell us that the demon portal lies within those prison walls, Shendu?

Do not take that tone with me, Valmont! I did not build the fortress!

I've heard of busting out of jail, but breaking in?

Whoa! We struck demon.

Xiao Fung

Not any demon. Xiao Fung, Demon of the Wind.

Uh, like breaking wind?

Xiao Fung

[blows them backwards with his powers] Like breaking bones!

Xiao Fung

Aah, the sweet scent of freedom!

Uh, actually, Your Breeziness, sir? You're not exactly free.

Xiao Fung

No?

You're in the hoosegow!

Prison!

Xiao Fung

This "prison" is paradise compared to the ghastly abyss I escaped.

Whatever you say, chief, but outside's even better! Beaches, movies...

Yeah, so why don't you huff and puff and blow this house down?

Xiao Fung

Where is Shendu?

Shendu's in Valmont.

And Valmont's in solitary.

Xiao Fung

Hmm. If I do not free this Valmont, I will be burdened with freeing my brothers and sisters. Very well.

Whoa, you guys can do that?

Xiao Fung

Concealment seems prudent. Demons seem to stick out like sore thumbs in this modern world...

Aw, we're wandering anyway! I wanna see Clark Gable's old house!

Frankly Ratso, I don't give a darn!

Valmont

I will put up with a lot, Shendu. But I draw the line at wearing a dress!

This is a sorcerer's robe!

[laughing] Shen-dudet! [bows]

Pretty dress.

Very becoming!

[annoyed] Where is my archive?

Uh, Chan's got it.

But it wasn't our fault!

Yeah, that's right! The Shadowkhan were there too!

The Shadowkhan are my puppets. They do only what I command! Are you suggesting that this is MY fault?!