Jade Clones quotes from Jackie Chan Adventures

Jackie

Why are you here?! You're supposed to be back at the hotel doing your homework.

Jade

Lucky for you, I raced through. Tohru was gonna bust you like a piñata.

Jackie

Thank you. But don't finish your homework early again. It's too dangerous.

Jackie

The magic! [gathering items]

Jade

So, whatcha gonna do? Sneak into the museum before the bad guys do and steal the talisman yourself?

Jackie

Steal?! What?! That's crazy, Jade! You're crazy!

Jade

You totally are gonna steal it!

Jade

[whispers] You got in! You are so cool!

Jackie

[whispers] I am not cool! I'm breaking the law!

Jade

Uh-huh.

Jade

Wow! She rules!

Jackie

Wha- ?

Jade

Uh, I mean, go Jackie.

Jade

Wow! When I grow up, I wanna be just like her!

Jackie

A criminal?!

Jade

A female Jackie Chan!

Jackie

You are under arrest!

Viper

You do realize we both go to jail, right?

Jackie

I am not a crook! I am an archaeologist!

Way to go.

Jade

Viper... pulled a viper... on me?!

Jackie

Old proverb: There is no honor among thieves.

Jackie

[running towards Captain Black and Jade, who is still possessed] Captain Black, get away from her!

Captain Black

Whoa there, Jackie!

[in possession of Jade's body] Grr!

Jackie

She's not really Jade! The Talisman's magic has turned her into a sheep! [stuttering] Uh, no, I mean- Look, I'll prove it. [looks around, grabs the Melvin Moose mascot] What's the moose's name?! The name!

[in possession of Jade's body] Grr!

Give you a hint, it's another word for wedgie.

Jackie

You can't name it, can you?! You're evil! YOU'RE EVIL!

Jackie

Oh! Who are you?

[in possession of Jade's body] Your executioner.

Jackie

Jade... stop. [she knocks away his hand on her head]

Jackie

Ah, stop that or I... uh [stammers] will give you a spanking!

[in possession of Jade's body] As you wish, this is not my body.

[in possession of Jade's body] [struggling to break from the hold] Weak little girl.

[furrowed brows] I am not weak!

Jackie

[Takes a deep breath] Breathe deeply. The breath flows to the finger tips, then down to the toes...

Jade

Then the toes goes up...The bad guys's nose! Hyah! [Jade high kicks and punches while Jackie just stares at her] What? He was asking for it.

Jackie

Discipline, Jade.

Jade

But I want to be a lean, mean Jackie Chan machine!

Jackie

Don't be in such of a hurry! Slow and steady wins the race.

Jade

Chinese proverbs, right?

Jackie

Greek, actually. The story of "The Tortoise and the Hare". Once upon a- Where are you going?

Jade

Breakfast. Race ya!

Jade

...so there I was, flying the plane, all by myself, no co-pilot. And Jackie's hanging out the back, flopping around with no parachute or anything!

Drew

Yeah, right. I bet the Snake Lady was there too.

Jade

Viper? No, that was in New York.

So how was school?

Jade

[in a bad mood] Peachy.

Ah, peachy! One more thing. Did Jackie Find the Rabbit Talisman?

Jade

[voice becomes raspy] I am not Jade. I am Paigon the Powerful, ruler of the Rabbit Realm.

Jade

I must fulfill my destiny or the universe itself will be UN-MADE! RELEASE ME AT ONCE!

Jade

[coughing] Man, that's rough on the throat.

Gentlemen.

Are you...Karl....Kniver?

Nivor. Dr. Karl Nivor, in the flesh.

Jade

Who's this Nivor guy?

Jackie

SHH!

And this fellow must be the merchandise of which my friend Valmont spoke. Mmmm, yes. You're a fine specimen, aren't you? Aren't you?

[annoyed] THE MONEY.

[sigh] Borris. [a chef appears holding a briefcase of money] Pay the man. [Tohru accepts the briefcase] Care to join me for dinner?

Thank you. No.

[licking his fingers] But we're having, quite the delicacy. A dish so rare, you might say it's endangered. Turtle soup.

Jade

Ew! He's gonna eat Aesop?! [gasp] He's gonna eat Aesop...

Are you sure? Hmm?

Y-yeesss...we uh...uh...ummm [clears throat] I must deliver this to Valmont. [holding the Rabbit Talisman]

Jade

Release Aesop, you tortoise-eating creep!

[chuckling] Such a delightful child. She'll go well with a nice Bearnaise sauce, wouldn't you say, Borris?

Jade

WHAT?!

Only joking, princess. Children are much too common for my sophisticated palette.

Jade

Whoa. How'd you get from there to here so fast?

Jackie

[shows Jade the Rabbit Talisman] And now we'll save the tortoise. See? Slow and steady, wins the race.

Jade

But you have super, rabbit speed! I'm getting mixed messages here!

Jackie

Oh-er-uh. Don't be smart!