Dib quotes from Invader Zim

Dib

Gaz, taste me! I'm delicious!

Dib

My head's not big! Why does everyone say that?

Dib

(thinking to himself) Maybe my head is big...

Dib

Chickenfoot, come back! You're not a freak, you're just stupid!

Dib

You're just going to blow us all up? This is stupid! This is stupid, stupid!

Dib

Tak had downloaded her personality into the computer, so it might be possible for me to download mine. Gaz, are you listening to me explain all this?

Dib

[groaning and holding back vomit; off-screen] I'm sorry! Sorry! Sorry!

Dib

I'm looking for the pigeon-head kid.

[shakes the can again, another "moo" sound] Nobody's come in with head pigeons, young man.

Dib

Zim? The green kid...

Oh, the green child! [points to Hall Monitor, who is sitting in a chair across the room.] He's right over there doubled over in pain.

The cooing... [shivers and makes a gagging sound] The cooing!

He's missing his liver. That's how some kids react to the cafeteria food... The lucky ones...

[tries to examine Dib by putting her stepascope] Say, “ah”.

[freezes, then screams and points at Dib] It isn’t human! IT’S HORRIBLE!

Dib

[weakly points at Zim, trying to explain] but, he…

Dib

[Deep Voice] YOU WILL PAY FOR RUINING MY CHILDHOOD, ZIM! YOU WILL PAY!

Zim

That last piggy should have reduced him to nothing. What happened? Where did history go wrong?

Dib

No. I'm sick of waiting and watching. I should take action! I'm… talking out loud some more. Odd. I'M GOING FOR IT! [jumps into the air and lands on Zim's lawn, dodges the gnomes as they lock on him and end up blasting their heads off, and lands on Zim's doorstep, making several poses and knocks on the door]

Zim

[answers the door; confused] Huh?

Dib

I've got a few things to tell you, Zim. [pan up to the sky as the sun changes from mid-day to early evening, pan back down] And that's all I have to say about that.

Zim

[pondering] Ehh… okay. [goes back inside his house for a few seconds, and reappears with a suitcase and Gir] I can't argue with that, Dib. You've won. I'm giving myself up to the Earth authorities. [to Gir] It's been nice working with you, Gir. Now, self-destruct.

Gir

Finally! [laughs, emits out a high-pitched noise, and explodes]

Dib

This feeling, the power! It isn't going away! Things really are going to be different for me! At last! [makes a fighting pose] YAH!

You've opened the world's eyes to the existence of aliens, Dib! Now what?

Dib

There are many other mysteries still unsolved. I figured, you know… I'll do some of that. [smiles at the camera while the flashes of cameras and microphones surround him]

Zim

DIB!

Dib

[enters the room, with Claire Danes holding his arms] It's been years, Zim.

Zim

Twenty of your years to be precise, enduring these indignities. The only reason I have not tried to escape is because it amuses me.

Dib

Amuses you to what?

Zim

Ah, yes! The invasion!

Dib

I didn't ask you about the invasion.

Zim

Oh, you didn't? Well, you were supposed to. Well, they'll be here! The armada will come and there's nothing you can do about it!

Dib

We'll see, Zim. We'll see.

Dib

[drawing a diagram of the Massive on a chalkboard, demonstrating in front of a group of soldiers] The Massive, the armada capital ship! The side pods are filled with snacks. It's their weak spot. Alpha…you'll be bringing down the Massive.

But, Dib…sir… Who'll lead alpha squadron?

Dib

And that's how I was awarded the "Greatest Person Ever to Live" award.

You've lived quite a full life, haven't you, Sir Dib?

Dib

Yes, Alan. It was everything I could have hoped for, and more. And I even got to ride a moose.

[laughs] And who could forget that day? Yes, well, we thank you for sharing your incredible life with us and for allowing the human race to survive.

Dib

Oh, yes. You're welcome.

And, oh, if I may say, there's one final question that would settle the curiosity of your many fans. Did you throw the muffin at Zim's head?

Dib

[chuckles] Wow, that's going back a long ways. As a matter of fact, I did.

Dib

And what about his horrible green head?!?

Zim

Insolent fool boy! It's a... skin condition.

Dib

And he's got no ears! Is that part of your "skin condition," Zim? No ears?!?

Zim

[looking sad] Yes.