Invader Zim · Season 1, Episode 1
“The Nightmare Begins” · Season 1, Episode 1
In this episode: Almighty Tallest Purple (7), Almighty Tallest Red (6), Zim (4), Dib (1), GIR (1)
Welcome mighty Irken soldiers! You are the finest examples of military training the Irken army has to offer! Good for you. Standing behind us, however, are the soldiers we've chosen for roles in one of the most crucial parts in Operation Impending Doom II! [mockingly] You in the audience just get to sit and watch.
You should have tried harder!
Oh, and remember; LASERS!
[a laser hits his eye] AAAAH!!!
GIR, reporting for duty.
"GIR"? What does the G stand for?
[confused] I don't know! [pauses, then begins screaming and hitting himself]
Ummm, is it supposed to be stupid?
It's not stupid; [sarcastically] it's advanced!
[disguised as a human] Hello, friends. I am a perfectly normal human worm-baby. You have nothing, absolutely nothing, to fear from me. Just pay no attention to me and we'll get along just fine.
And what about his horrible green head?!?
Insolent fool boy! It's a... skin condition.
And he's got no ears! Is that part of your "skin condition," Zim? No ears?!?
[looking sad] Yes.
[first lines] Welcome, brave Irken soldiers. Welcome to Conventia, the convention hall planet. Please, proceed to the docking ring and take the complimentary teleporters to the planet's surface!
Be sure to visit the gift shop for all kinds of cheap, useless stuff. If you're here for the Great Assigning, please remember where you parked and proceed to the main convention hall.
[Zim lands on the windshield of an ice cream truck]
You like ice cream... you like ice cream. You love it. You cannot resist ice cream. To resist is hopeless. Your existence is meaningless without ice cream.
[Irken audience starts cheering]
See? Told you they'd love the lasers.
Everything is lasers with you. I'm telling you, smoke machines are what the people... [gets hit in the eye with a laser, and yells in pain]
Welcome mighty Irken soldiers! You are the finest examples of military training the Irken army has to offer! Good for you. Standing behind us, however, are the soldiers we've chosen for roles in one of the most crucial parts in Operation Impending Doom II! [mockingly] You in the audience just get to sit and watch.
You should have tried harder!
These superior ones…
[points at themselves] Not as superior as us, of course…
Pft, duh. These less superior than us but still quite superior soldiers will each be assigned to an enemy planet!
There, you will blend in with the hidious native inhabitants.
All the while gathering crucial information, assessing the planet's weaknesses, making it vulnerable to our big... spaceship... gang...
The armada. Now! LET THE ASSIGNING BEGIN!
WHOOO!
Step forward, Invader Larb.
Ahh, you seem to have grown since last you stood before us, soldier.
You've been assigned to the planet Blorch, home of the slaughtering rat people.
[A hologram appears behind the which shows Larb being attacked by rat people]
[beginning to Notice] Why would you draw that?
However, because of your increased height, we've decided to give you the planet Vort, home of the universe's most comfortable couch.
[The hologram changes to one of Larb relaxing on an oversized sofa]
Yes!
Next… Invader Spleen!
And last… Invader Skoodge!
[looks at him] Oh now that's just sad.
Could you get any shorter?
[talking quickly] You'll be assigned to Blorch, home of the slaughtering rat people, thank you.
[Hologram shows the rat people attacking Skoodge as he starts Understanding)
Sorry, I'm late, my tallest. I couldn't find my invitation. You're lucky I made it at all.
You weren't invited at all.
Weren't you banished to FoodCourtia? Shouldn't you be... frying something?
Oh, I quit when I found out about this.
You quit being banished!?!?!?
The assigning is over, Zim.
But you can't have an invasion without me! I was in Operation Impending Doom 1! Don't you remember?
Oh yes. We remember…
[flashback]
[in giant robot destroying a city] AH HA HA HA HA HA HA!
But sir, we're still on our own planet!
Silence! Twist those knobs! Twist those knobs! You! Pull some levers! Pull some levers! [resumes his maniacal laughter as his rampage continues]
[end of flashback]
I put the fires out.
You made them worse!
Worse… or better?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Invader Zim pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
