Zim quotes from Invader Zim

Dib

You're the only one who can help!

Zim

Help?!? You?!?

Dib

My dad won't let me use his equipment and I need to reverse the effects!

Zim

Help?!? You come to me, your greatest, most amazing enemy? Your future slave master and you ask for help?!?

Dib

You're the only other person with the technology to-

Zim

Be gone with you! I have had enough of your nonsense from your smelly mouth filled with... CORN!

Dib

...I haven't been eating corn.

Zim

LIAR!!!

Zim

I'm not here because I like you, Dib. I'm just here for your filthy gargantuan head!

Dib

OH! Now It's gargantuan!

Zim

GIR!

GIR

My taquitos! My taquitos! TAQUITOS!!!

This young man... [Zim enters] denies your accusation!

Dib

What's he doing here?! He's the alien!

Zim

I came to put a stop to all your alien talk... WHEN WILL THE LIES END?

Are you an alien?

Zim

[shouting] LIES! THIS FILTHY EARTH BOY LIES! I mean no.

Zim

I was out playing like any normal Earth larva when he came looking for trouble.

Heyy new kid, give me your lunch moneys!

[with British accent] But I need these monies to buy nutrients.

Give me the moneys or i'll tell everyone you're an alien!

Dib

That's not how it happened!

Restrain him![hear Dib hollering in the backround then the reinactment continues]

GIR

Then a giant squirrel showed up.

Zim

GIR!!

[to Zim] Let her talk! Can't you see she's upset? [to GIR] Now, don't you mean, Dib showed up?

GIR

No! The squirrel showed up first. Then Dib showed up.

[points to man in squirrel costume] AAGHHHH, what is that?

GIR

And then the squirrel ate Dib's greasy head. [man in squirrel costume proceeds to mutilate Actor Dib's head as the other actors back away terrified] And then the squirrel flew away! [man in squirrel costume gets picked up by cables] After that, he flew back to his home planet to fight all the bad guys. [costume rips and man falls on two actors in alien costumes]

...What does that have to do with anything?!?

GIR

Me 'n the squirrel are friends.

I've come to the conclusion that Dib is crazy. [to GIR] This one, definitely crazy. I feel sorry for the ugly green kid, but there's a good chance he's crazy too!

Zim

But not an alien?

Nope.

Zim

Okay.

Just crazy.

Zim

[pumps arms in the air in victory]

Nothing matters anymore! Mabey i'm crazy![Host starts acting insane then grabs the camera so that you can only see his face on-screen then does the same thing]

Zim

Who are you?!?

I am-

Zim

Who are you?!?

I am-

Zim

Who are you?!?

I am Poop Dog!

Hey, Man. It's Been 4 weeks since you rented Intestines of War. It's 20 Days overdue. Hello? Hell-lo?!?

GIR

Who is it?(Hangs up)

Zim

[in a mocking voice] I gunna watch it again.

GIR

...I GUNNA WATCH IT AGAIN!!!

Zim

This is the hundredth time, GIR. You have to stop watching this thing or... OH, WHAT IS THAT? [points to TV]A warning? Oh no! Oh no! FBI? Who is this FBI? Why are they trying to warn us about?

GIR

SHHH!

Zim

(screaming)

Zim

Computer! Give me all the information you have on the FBI.

The FBI is a government law enforcement agency.

Zim

Continue.

Insufficient data.

Zim

Insufficient data! Can't you just make an educated guess?

Okaaaaaay...uh...founded in 1492 by, uh...demons, the FBI is a crack law enforcement agency designed to...uh, I dunno, fight...aliens?

Zim

I knew it! This is baaaad! This is so baaaad!

Zim

GIR! That movie is some kind of government spying tool! Quickly! Eat it!

Zim

Hello?(with voice a little deep)Hello?(with voice getting deep)Hello?[with his voice synthetically deeper]Good,OK.Hello,How I may help you today?

I'm through playin' around! You better return that video or else! This is your final warning!

Zim

I'm sorry, I do not know what you are talking about. I am normal.

If that thing isn't in the drop-off box by the time we open tomorrow, you're gonna paaaaaayyyyy... late fees.

Zim

This horrible tragedy can be prevented. If, and only if! You surrender your money to ME! AND BUY MY CANDY!

Pweeesee? For the childwen.

Zim

I am here, Dib worm, and I have sold over 1.2 million revolting candy units! [He drops his fistful of money and walks over to Ms. Bitters, who is holding a package. She hides it behind her back.] I am prepared to receive the power of the mystery prize! GIVE TO ZIM!

Ms. Bitters

Well, this has never happened before. [She prepares to tear open the package.] Zim, your prize is... [She tears open the package. Zim grunts in anticipation and wriggles his fingers. Ms. Bitters examines a piece of paper that was inside the package.] Your prize is nothing. [Zim's eyes widen.] There is no mystery prize! they just made it up to make kids work harder for no money.

Zim

Eh?

Ms. Bitters

As a consolation, here's some tuna. [She pulls a can of tuna out of the package and hands it to Zim. Zim lifts the can of tuna into the air.]

Zim

Curse you, Poop Dawg! CURSE YOU!

My people worked themselves into extinction making our planet a working vessel!

Zim

Why would you do that?

Because it's cool.

GIR

*nods* Mmm-hmm.