What did you do to my locker?!
MY locker.
OUR locker!
When did you turn into my wife?
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
You're overreacting!
No, the head of security said, "You're never allowed back in this community center ever again"!
People forget!
They took our pictures and thumbprints!
...Yeah, they're never letting us back in there.
Why? WHY would you embarrass me?!
I don't know. 'Cause I'm a big jerk. And I think I got paint up my nose.
You deserve paint up your nose!
Look, if I swear not to get all psycho, will you let me teach you how to draw?
A bunny?
Maybe you should start with a hamster. Hug?
After you take a shower.
FMs. Fielder
To be a real artist, you need to be spontaneous and passionate. They don't teach you that in art school. Maybe you could teach me.
Well, I have been told I'm an excellent teacher.
BY WHO!?!
I'm sorry I painted your mouth red.
FMs. Fielder
I'm sorry I painted your mouth blue.
Wanna make purple?
FMs. Fielder
Please.
[Spencer and Ms. Fielder kiss, still covered in paint]
Okay... I don't understand art at all.
[during the iCarly webcast]
I call this video "Gullible Freddie." Check this out.
[In the video, Freddie walks into Ridgeway dressed up as a clown. Everyone laughs]
Hey! Why aren't you guys dressed as clowns?! [Carly and Sam burst out laughing]
What do you mean?
I got an email from the school telling me that today was Clown Day. Didn't you guys get-- you guys sent me the email.
[points to Sam] She made me!
Wait, is this on camera? GIBBY, COME HERE! [screen goes to static]
People care what I think!
No, they don't.
Yes, sir...
Hey, is that a new necklace?
Yeah, you like it?
Can you return it?
No.
It's...neat.
Sam would rather chew broken glass then go out on a date with me for a whole Saturday night, no way she's going through with this!
You asked Melanie.
OOOKAAAYYY. You can pretend I'm going on a date with Melanie, but I know... I've got a date with Sam. [chokes on smoothie and coughs it out]
What?!
I'VE GOT A DATE WITH SAM!
You wanna buy a pickle?
NO!
You're going out with Melanie, not Sam!
Hey, when I get older, maybe I could go on a date with you.
[Carly is about to get revenge on Chuck for pranking Spencer]
Hey, Chuck, sorry to keep you waiting.
Oh, it's okay. I drew you a flower.
Aw. You are so sweet. Anyway... since you've got your big test on Monday, we should go over the new international math laws that were just passed by the U.N.
International math laws?
Uh-huh. They made some changes, so we gotta make sure you understand all the new rules. Now, the biggest news is, they've created a new number.
A new number?
Yep, between 5 and 6. It's called derf.
Derf?
Right. And it looks like this.
[She draws a picture of the supposed "derf" number]
That's a derf. See?
Oh...
So, now, it goes: 1, 2, 3, 4, 5, derf, 6, 7, got it?
I think so.
Good. And so then it goes: 13, 14, 15... and what's next?
Derfteen?
Wow. You catch on fast.
Thanks.
So, if we take 12, and multiply that by 81, and then divide it by 2, we get...?
Four hundred and derfty-seven?
Awesome.
So, Melanie... you look pretty hot tonight.
Thanks! I love your shirt!
No, you don't. Carly said you hate stripes!
Sam hates stripes.
How long are you gonna keep this up?! [pushes Melanie on her shoulder] Just admit you're Sam and we can leave!
I would, ow... [rubs her shoulder] ...but I'm not Sam!
[Freddie and Melanie are slow-dancing]
I can't believe you're doing this.
Why? I like you!
You hate me; you always have!
Maybe Sam hates you.
You ARE Sam!
Really? Would Sam do this? [kisses Freddie on the lips]
You swore we'd never do that again!
I didn't swear anything.
[Freddie becomes extremely paranoid and runs away; Melanie chases him]
Carly, I just wanna let you know that we're not gonna continue with the tutoring. Chuck failed his math test.
[faking sadness] Oh, no...
It's not your fault. He made up some fake number called derf.
[faking confusion] Derf?
I learned it from you!
Okay, that does it, Chuck. If you're gonna blame Carly for your failure, I'm gonna ground you for three weeks.
DAD!
Mr. Chambers, you know, I also had trouble with math when I was a boy. So my dad sent me to math camp for the whole summer.
Math camp?
Math camp?
Yes. Here's a brochure. [hands him a brochure]
Ooh! Camp Addemup! This looks perfect.
Enjoy your summer, Chuck!
Yeah... Chuck.
Let's go, son.
[Mr. Chambers closes the door; Carly and Spencer fist-bump in triumph]
That was fun. I'm gonna go take a victory bath.
Shave your toes.
No!
How could you make out with Freddie?
He's adorable!
I can't believe you two are sisters.
SMSam and Melanie
Me neither.
[watching Shelby on TV] Okay, how do I get that girl to be my future wife?!
I thought you wanted me to be your future wife.
Could that happen?
Could not happen.
[reading the comments] "That Carly chick is out of her mind." "BRING ON THE FIGHT!!" "Shelby would destroy that twig."
Twig?
I'm not a twig! ...And I'm getting' curvier every day!
[Staring at her body] I know.
Eyes up, dude.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's iCarly pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.