I feel like butt! (coughs) Remember that time you dared me to lick the swing set?
No, I said, "Sam, don't lick the swing set," and you said, "Don't tell me what to do, Benson," and then you licked the swing set.
All S1
S1 E15Unfinished Business
[about the expiration date of a box of chocolates] I can't read this. It's written in... foreign.
Well, I looked it up, it says 1992. That chocolate's older than the Fresh Prince of Bel Air!
What are you doing?! (swats a piece of Persian chocolate out of Sam's hand)
Having a piece of Persian chocolate.
You said it was a stomach bomb!
But it's so good. (she tries to take another, but Carly swats that out too)
...Why did I pick THAT for my ringtone?!
Hello? Chuck? Are you down there? [he enters the basement] There you are.
Hi, daddy.
AAH! Ah, thank god you're here! Your son, he trapped me and kept me locked in here for the past two days!
Did not!
You did too! [to Mr. Chambers] And he squirted me with fluids!
Is that true?
No.
[sternly] Chuck.
Yeah...
[straightforward] YEAH!
Okay, that's it. You're grounded.
DAD!
No arguments! You come with me right now.
(laughs triumphantly) Who's grounded now, Chucky? Whoops, you are!
Those dingo people are dead!
What are we going to do?
We're gonna go find them and kick them in their Dingoes!
Okay, next person who says bowels sleeps in the bathtub!
HHollywood
BOWELS! I got the bathtub!
No! No, no, no, no, no-no, no. (she runs and closes the window shades)
Okay, let's shake 'em up.
What is that?
A sock full of butter.
For what?
For swinging! I can brain an elephant with this thing!
We're not gonna go in there and start hitting TV writers with a big buttery sock! We're gonna be professional and firm.
Fine, but if they deny stealing from iCarly, I'm gonna get swingy with this thing!
Not unless I say it's okay.
What else would you keep in a cryogenic freezer like that?
Cryogenic frozen pizzas?
May I get swingy?
Yes.
(Sam whacks a Totally Teri writer with a sock filled with butter)
Wearing a turtleneck is a violation of school rules.
Oh, I can't wear a turtleneck, but he can be shirtless?
Check the handbook. (he gives it to Carly)
[Everyone is standing in front of Locker 239]
I could fit a whole editing bay in there...
You could fit a body in there...
[Everyone looks at her oddly]
If one needed to!
Yes, Gibby, you have a question.
Yes. How many fat cakes are in that tank?
Oh, Gibby, there's so much not right about you.
I'm not drawing your sticky green foot at 2:30 in the morning!
But look how it glistens!
No!
Why?
'Cause you kept me up all last night lecturing me about the history of yellow, and then today, you made me sit in the park and draw hobos for three hours! I need to sleep...
Come on, just draw my foot!
I'm going to bed!
Thought you wanted to be an artist!
Good night, Spencer.
Look at my foot!
You're very weird!
Before I announce the winner, I feel compelled to tell you the worst guess, which was 5. [holds up a piece of paper with Gibby's name and the number five on it]
I won?! I won! [starts taking off his shirt]
No, Gibby, you didn't win. In fact, your guess was so far off that we're calling your parents and having you tested.
Again?
These quotes come from Wikiquote's iCarly pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.