Scenes with Spencer Shay 146
Mr. Howard had every right to be mad at me. I was texting in class.
Okay, okay. Nothing can put me in a bad mood. You guys hooked me up so I could talk to my dad on his birthday. That's it. Your both gettin' hugs.
SFSam and Freddie
Umm, well, no, no-
No, no c'mon. It's happening, your getting hugs. Your getting a hug. I love you guys. [Sam and Freddie thank her during the hug] I love you.
[The trio walk in to find Spencer sitting on the couch joined by agents.]
SpencerHeeyy.
KAgent Kinsey
I'm Agent Kinsey, these are Agents Farrow and Morris.
FAgent Farrow
We're with the United States Secret Service.
Spencer
Heeyy.
KAgent Kinsey
This is about your recent webcast.
FAgent Farrow
To a secure military base over-seas.
[The three of them look very worried]
Spencer
Heeyy.
[The agents are investigating the apartment.]
KAgent Kinsey
Just relax Ma'am.
Spencer
How can we relax when 3 secret service agents are tearing our apartment to pieces?!
FAgent Farrow
We're just checking your place out.
FAgent Farrow
Let's just say that your recent iCarly webcast caught the attention of someone very high up in the US Government.
[tries to comfort Sam] Stay calm.
I can't stay calm! I promised my mom I wouldn't cause any more trouble with the US Government!
FAgent Farrow
[His machine bleeps] Clear.
KAgent Kinsey
Alright, we're done here for now. Please don't leave town until we contact you again.
KAgent Kinsey
Just don't leave town.
[The 4 of them stand there looking at the agents very shocked]
Okay. [sounding scared] Thanks for watching iCarly!
[The agents leave the apartment]
[Carly gives Spencer a hug looking really upset, as if she's about to cry.]
So.. I'm confused, are we in trouble?
MOMrs. Michelle Obama
No, not at all!
Spencer
She watched iCarly online last week.
Uh huh, my daughters are big fans and I am too.
[walks through Carly and Spencer's front door] Wait, is she-
Spencer
Close it!
[Carly, Sam and Freddie yell at T-Bo to leave]
[T-Bo quickly leaves]
So what are you doing here? Um.. your, excellency. [takes a small bow]
You don't call her your excellency.
OMrs. Obama
No, no, I kinda like it.
[Sam whacks her upper chest at Freddie and he pulls a 'what?!' face back at her]
OMrs. Obama
I came here to say, I'm proud of you.
OMrs. Obama
[points at Carly] Because of how much you care for your father, [then points at Sam and Freddie] and because of what you two did for your friend.
You mean, setting up the surprise birthday party on iCarly?
OMrs. Obama
Uh huh, my husband and I talk to a lot of people with family in the military.
Spencer
[puts his hands on Mrs Obama's shoulders] Her husband is the president.
[Mrs. Obama's bodyguards reach into their pockets as if they're about to pull out guns and begin to make their way towards Spencer]
Spencer
Sorry. [takes his hands off Mrs Obama's shoulders and takes a few steps back]
[Gibby zips up his suitcase, then gets it up and pulls up the handle.]
Why are you bringing a big suitcase? We're just going to Canada for the day.
Yeah. So I brought some hair care products, uh, some extra batteries, a change of underpants.
[Freddie looks at the suitcase.]
Spencer
[Takes his jacket from a jacket hanger] Come on, guys. We gotta hit the road. [Puts on his jacket]
We don't have to be at the Fat Cake Factory 'til one.
Spencer
Yeah, but it's a two-hour drive. We gotta go through security at the border.
Why? It's not like Canada's a different country.
[Pause.]
I thought it was like Idaho.
Spencer
Idaho's a state– in our country.
Look, I don't need a lecture.
You sure you're not gonna come?
I want to but I already bailed on Lance twice and he's really cool. And if I bail again, he's gonna think I don't like him, and I really do like him. Besides, I haven't kissed a guy in four months. I'm gettin' itchy.
Handsome Lance is picking me up at five o'clock. With his car.
So what are you gonna do 'til then?
Probably take a long hot bath, and I'll blow my hair out, maybe I'll do my nails–
Spencer
See ya.
[Sam, Freddie, Spencer, and Gibby leave as Carly looks on.]
Blah blah blah blaaaaahh.
Spencer
I know you have a crush on me.
Spencer
Nothing.
[A Malaysian man takes a red suitcase through the border, unaware that it is Gibby's and that Sam is inside.]
[Inside the suitcase] Gibby?
Spencer
[To Freddie and Gibby] Okay, let's get outta here.
[To Gibby] Grab Sam, let's go.
[Takes a red suitcase, unaware that it is the Malaysian man's and that Sam is not inside] Ooh. Sam's light.
Spencer
[Chanting] U-S-A!
[Freddie, Spencer, and Gibby make their way through the border.]
FSFreddie, Spencer, and Gibby
[Chanting, in unison] U-S-A! U-S-A! U-S-A!
[T-Bo lifts up a sign that says 'Warning']
[T-Bo puts down the sign]
You're about to watch a very special episode of iCarly.
It's not for normal people.
You might find it, disturbing.
Spencer
So, just have some soup.
[They all lift up bowls of soup.]
As you enjoy this special new episode of iCarly.
[All of them eat a spoonful of soup]
You know, even though Spencer and I have to move out of this apartment tonight, forever, I'm still in a great mood.
Oh, when aren't you in a good mood?
I know right [agreeing with Freddie]
What?! Sometimes I get in bad moods.
Spencer
No no no, wait wait wait wait wait. In all fairness, sometimes Carly does get in bad moods.
Spencer
Uh, like when the time T-Bo made you those stuffed mushrooms.
[The rest apart from Carly agree with him and laugh]
Oh c'mon, I wasn't that mad.
You were pretty mad that day-
-no [disagreeing with Sam]
[Everyone looks up for a flashback]
[flashback]
[Sam, Freddie, Spencer and Carly are all reading together]
I just love reading together.
Spencer
Me too.
[T-Bo walks in]
Hey hey Carly! I made you stuffed mushrooms.
[Carly stands up and slams her book shut]
[yells] WHO CARES?! [throws book at T-Bo angrily]
[T-Bo falls against the door, Sam, Spencer and Freddie turn to Carly in shocked at the same time and Carly breathes in and out quickly and deeply in rage and anger. Scene cuts to the group in Tori Vega's living room]
Okay. Okay, I was in kind of a bad mood that day.
GGibby (as Robbie)
Kind of?
You threw a book at T-Bo.
Spencer
Yeah, and just because he made you some stuffed mushroo-[notices the area they are in] Hey. Uh, hey, wha-
(notices he is Robbie) Gibbeh?
(hesitantly and shocked) When I make it shine...!
[the group all stares straight, then at each other, then straight again]
Spencer
Okay, at what point did I have insanely long hair?
It was around the time Freddie got hit by that taco truck.
And you and I were playing that assassin game.
Spencer
Carly! You gotta come back with me! [gives Carly her backpack]
Spencer
To a future episode.
But, I'm supposed to do iCarly stuff tonight with Sam and Freddie.
Spencer
Well, bring them along, this concerns them too! [gives Freddie his camera and Sam her remote]
Whoa, whoa, wait a second.
What are you talking about?
What happens to us in the future, do we become hobknockers or something?
Spencer
No no, you guys all turn out fine. It's your kids.
Spencer
Um, yours [points to Carly] and his? [points to Freddie] Or his [points to Freddie] and hers, [points to Sam] or hers [points to Sam again] and his, [points to Freddie] I don't remember, but something's gotta be done about your kids!
Well, how do we get to a future episode of iCarly?
[T-Bo flys out of Spencer's room in a bubble]
Y'all can hitch a ride with me.
Spencer
Hurry T-bo! Beam us onboard!
Energising. [beams the others onboard]
Spencer
C'mon T-Bo let's go!
Wait! In the future, is iCarly still on in reruns?
Spencer
Reruns? Where we're going we don't need... [puts his costume glasses on] Reruns.
Hang on! [starts moving his spaceship bubble]
[Everyone makes whirling noises, then they all scream and cheer as they fly through the screen into the future.]
Spencer
[shouts down the corridor] Carly, c'mon!
[Carly walks round the corner with all the luggage, groaning. She drops the bags and leans against Freddie's front door, but the door opens and she falls in and screams. She gets up, still groaning and closes the door]
Spencer
How you doing?
[Throws a hat on the floor] I'm sick and dying! Urgh!
Spencer
Maybe I should take you to a doctor.
No. [Starts picking all the bags back up] no, just, open our door so I can... go in there and just be alone.
[Spencer opens the front door]
[Sam, Freddie, Gibby and T-Bo are all hanging out in their apartment]
Spencer
Hey! HEY!
[They all say hi]
[walks in to find Sam, Freddie, Gibby and T-Bo partying in the apartment] What is going on here?
Spencer
How long, have you guys been hanging out in OUR apartment?
Uh, how long you guys been on vacation?
Spencer
8 days.
Carly groans and falls to the floor
Spencer
No, she's like dying.
Gibby helps Carly stand up
Man, she looks sicky sick.
Spencer
Yeah, she's got jungle worms.
[drops Carly] Oh my god! Oh my god, oh my god, oh my god, oh my god!! [runs out of the apartment]
They're like these scuzzy little parasites that set up camp in your guts.
Spencer helps Carly onto the couch while she continues groaning
Spencer
How do you know about jungle worms?
My mom got them from using some foreign guy's toothbrush.
So, what are the symptoms?
Spencer
Uhh, dry mouth..
Spencer
..chills..
Can someone cover me with a blanket?
Spencer
..moaning..
Spencer
..groaning..
Spencer
..and a lot of, you know..
[Carly runs into the bathroom and throws up]
Spencer
vomiting.
Spencer
Yeah.
One of us should probably get in there and help her.
Hey these steaks are ready.
[They all go over to Sam for some steak, leaving Carly in the bathroom alone]
(Carly, Freddie, and Spencer are hiding from Spencer's alarm robot)
We've got to get back to school!
Can't you turn your stupid alarm bot off?
Spencer
I am trying to disarm it!
ABAlarm Bot
(Spencer pushes a button on his remote) Armed. (He pushes it again) Armed. (He pushes it again) Armed.
Spencer
Gah, I can't turn it off! Maybe we can-
(the doorbell rings)
Wait! That was just the doorbell, right?
Or does that mean your stupid killing machine's about to explode?
Spencer
It was just the doorbell.
(from the other side of the door) Hello? What's happening in there?
It's my mom! If she opens the door, she's gonna get blasted!
Spencer
(yelling) Mrs. Benson, don't open the door! I'm not wearing pants!
ABAlarm Bot
Scanning pants...
If your mom opens the door then that crazy killing machine's gonna focus on her, and then Spencer can run over and unplug it!
Spencer
Oh, that's good!
No! I don't want my mom to get blasted in the face and torso with popcorn kernels!
Spencer
She's so irritating! It'll just be for a second 'til I unplug it.
(sighs) Alright, fine! Do it!
Spencer
(yelling) Okay, Mrs. Benson, I found my pants! C'mon in!
(Mrs. Benson opens the door and walks into the apartment)
What is going on in here?
ABAlarm Bot
(focuses on Mrs. Benson) Tracking intruder.
I do not appreciate all of the noise that's been coming from... AAH!
(the Alarm Bot starts shooting Mrs. Benson with popcorn kernels. She is backed up against her door in the hallway)
Spencer
Yeah, I'll go!
(Spencer runs over to the outlet where the Alarm Bot is plugged in to. He starts pulling at the plug, but it doesn't come out. Mrs. Benson shouts as the Alarm Bot continues to pelt her with popcorn kernels)
Spencer
I AM TRYING! (Spencer pulls the outlit out of the wall, still not unplugging the Alarm Bot) Oh, my gosh!
(Spencer still struggles with unplugging the Alarm Bot. Mrs. Benson keeps shouting as the Alarm Bot countinues to pelt her)
What's happening?! What am I being pelted with?!
(the Alarm Bot is beginning to run out of popcorn kernels. Spencer is still trying to unplug it)
(the Alarm Bot fires at Mrs. Benson a few more times before finally running out of popcorn kernels and stopping)
Spencer
(finally pulls the plug out of the outlet) GOT IT! (raises his arms victoriously in the air) YEAH!
[Gibby takes off the purple robot head from Freddie]
This is the WORST party ever.
Spencer
[feeling ashamed] Dude, I am so sorry. I didn't know you--
[yells at Spencer] TWENTY TIMES?! You had to slam me twenty times?!
Spencer
[gives Freddie a pink stuffed unicorn] Here.
[Freddie hits Spencer with pink stuffed unicorn in anger for dropping him the Jerk Basket]
'Cause! You iCarlys were supposed to help me regain my popularity after the bread and butter pickle incident with that little girl, and you failed!
It's not our fault that afterwards and you went screamed at some dude in a wheelchair!
He rolled over my foot and scratched my loafers!
Well, who gives a rat's--
Stop! Stop. [sighs] He's right.
Spencer
Carly?
NO! After that video went viral of Nevel screaming at that man in a wheelchair... we should've done something to help him.
Why should've we helped him?
So, I was thinking to close the show, instead of random dancing...
...we can try random scratching, and then maybe Freddie could-
Spencer
Hey! Ohhh, done! Whoo! [Sam and Carly just look at Spencer without saying anything] I say, it's done! Woooooo! [Sam and Carly still don't say anything] C'mon, ask me about it!
We can see, you made a snowman!
Spencer
Uhhh, it's a snowwoman, duh. Can't you see her snowbahoobies? That's how you know that it's a- [a snowboob falls off] Dang it! Ah, I can fix that, wait. Urgh!
[Elevator opens and Gibby comes out of it]
Hey hey, guess what. I started using deodorant. [Everyone looks at him oddly] But I can't decide which scent I like best, so under my right arm I used Ocean Breeze... [Sam quickly gets out of her chair away from Gibby] ...and under my left I used Summer Swagger. Carly, c'mon. Which one smells best?..
Gibby, no no, Gibby no... [tries to get Gibby to stop him from making her smell his underarms]
[Gibby forces Carly's head under his underarm]
Alright, that's the Ocean Breeze.
[Carly keeps trying to escape]
I'd stop this if it wasn't hilarious.
[Carly is finally free]
Now smell the left, let's go. [Carly is forced under his other pit and keeps trying to escape again] Okay, that's the Summer Swagger. Breathe it in deep. [Carly's free again] So which one you like best?
Probably the Ocean Breeze.
I knew it! Hey, is that a snowlady?
Spencer
Straight up!
I think one of her bahoobies might've--
Spencer
Yeah, I know about it!
Hello, good people, and Sam!
Spencer
Hey.
What up with the fruit bowl, fruit bowl?
I just thought you guys might like some pears, Pear for you, [to Carly] pear for you, [to Spencer] pear for you. [to Gibby]
'Cause this Freddie just got himself a job working at the Pear Store.
Spencer
You're selling computers?
Yep! Ipears, Pear Phones, Pear Pads, Pear-port Extremes, and all other Pear related products and accessories.
I love products and accessories.
Hey, Gib... Why don't you see which deodorant Freddie likes best?
What do you mean which deodorant I like best? [Gibby grabs him] Oh! Gibby.
Just breathe in... Come on breathe, Gibby.
Spencer
There! I fixed her. And check this out. Her nose lights up. [His sculpture sets on fire] No!
Spencer
(Screaming) What?! [Smoke alarm beeps] Aw!
I'll call the Fire Department.
I'll disable the smoke alarm.
Spencer
Aw!
Spencer
Uh, Chief Donker...
CDChief Donker
Don't talk to me!
Spencer
I tried so hard to put the fire out myself, but it just kept getting bigger and bigger and... [Chief Donker pushes him down] What are you doing? Why are you... You're pushing me... I... Oh... What is he... Ah! I see it. Okay.
Chief Donker, we really appreciate you coming here. Again.
CDChief Donker
Thanks. You're a nice girl. I'll miss you.
Yeah, well-wait. What do you mean you'll miss me?
CDChief Donker
I mean, the Fire Department is done with you people.
Spencer
(tries to get up) Done? I don't understan-
CDChief Donker
GET BACK DOWN! (he does)
Spencer
Ah!
CDChief Donker
Do you know how many times your brother has accidentally started fires?
Spencer
17!
CDChief Donker
What about this one?!
Spencer
Oh, yeah, 18, if you count this one.
CDChief Donker
Come on everybody, we're done here.
But you're the Fire Department, You can't not come here if we have a fire!
CDChief Donker
You watch us not come here.
No, but... Would you... No just please, what... I'm an honor student! [Chief Donker slams the door. Carly gets upset at Spencer when he tries to get up again] Get back down!
Spencer
Aw!
iCarly · 611 quotes
