Freddie Benson quotes from iCarly

Freddie

Well, that was..

Sam

Nice.

Freddie

Yeah, nice, uh.

Sam

Good work.

Freddie

Thank you. You, too.

Freddie

Hey. [Sam turns back around. Freddie smiles] I hate you.

Sam

[Makes short laugh noise. Smiles] Hate you, too. [Leaves]

Spencer

Okay, you're lying. What makes you lie?

Freddie

I'm not lying.

Spencer

Yeah, you are. Feel like a big boy, telling your big boy lies?

Freddie

Spencer!

Spencer

Yes, little Larry Lies-a-Lot?

Carly

(Interrupting Freddie) Wait a minute... why do you have that printed out?

Nevel

Because I like to print things.

Freddie

No... you'd only print that out if you knew you were gonna need it.

Sam

Yeah. How did you know there was gonna be a problem getting you the car?

Nevel

Oh, please. I don't have time to be interviewed.

Carly

What's wrong with you, Nevel?! Why is your lifelong dream to get rid of iCarly?!

Nevel

It's not. My lifelong dream is to open my own haberdashery.

Freddie

What is a haberdashery?

Nevel

Oh, why does EVERYONE ask that?! [starts to walk off, but goes back to them and talks fast] ...A haberdashery is a men's retail shop that sells men's accessories such as wallets, hats, buttons, belts, ribbons, and zippers!

Nevel

What, and you think that rolling space turd will get iCarly off the hook?

Carly

Yeah.

Sam

We think it will. (to Carly) Carly, would you say this vehicle is... unique?

Carly

Oh, it is clearly unique. (to Freddie) Freddie, has it ever been state registered?

Freddie

Why, no, Carly, it hasn't.

Carly

You've gotta get a girlfriend.

Freddie

I know. ...Um--

Carly

No.

Freddie

Yep.

Carly

Hey, do you think this dress is a little too..."saucy"?

Freddie

It's a music video. You have to look hotter than you usually do.

Carly

Why, thank you.

Freddie

I don't wanna do this anymore.

Carly

We have to! His mom needs surgery, and if it weren't for us, he'd have a big record deal, and lots of money, and stop drooling over those girls!

You are all a bunch of hob-knockers!

Carly

Hob-knockers?

I'm going downstairs to get some yah-gurt.

Carly

Yah-gurt?

Freddie

Um, We're in the middle of shooting YOUR music video!

No, you're all busy worshiping that filthy little beast! [disgusted] Ugh! Why are all Americans such idiots?! [slams door]

Spencer

I thought we were hob-knockers.

Carly

Wow. You made Wade look awesome.

Sam

Good video, Fredison.

Freddie

Thanks. It was hard to find shots of the guy not shouting at me and calling me an [British accent] untalented hobknocker!

Carly

What is a hobknocker? [Sam whispers the meaning of hobknocker into Carly's ear] [disgusted gasp] That's gross!

Sam

And illegal.

Sam

So, David, what was it like hanging it out with Wade Collins?

Oh, you know, he's... okay.

Carly

You don't like him, do you?

Not really, no.

Sam

Let it out, David.

Well, he called me a hobknocker. I don't even know what that means.

[disgusted] Oh, gross!

Sam

And illegal.

Carly

The important thing is we all agree that Wade Collins is horrible.

Sam

But just in case you don't believe me, Carly, or David--

Carly

Please enjoy this little video Freddie put together. Freddie, roll the video.

Freddie

Happy to, Carly.

[in a YouTube Poop-style video] I wanted tuna fish! [knocks the plate of ham sandwich out of Carly's hand, edited to do it three times]

[screen is flashing all different colors] I've got a pimple in my ear.

[Gibby is blow-drying his hair] Too hot-hot-hot!

Gibby

I'm sorry! [Wade takes the hairdryer, aims it at Gibby, and blows it in his face, causing him to run off]

[screen flashes negative] You're a stupid American, Freddie. Stupid American.

[walks by several music video-dressed girls] You're all a bunch of stupid, American, girls! You bunch of hobknockers!

[angrily screaming] I DON'T CARE ABOUT MUSIC! I WANT MONEY! [screen turns green, echoing "MONEY!"]

[rudely screams at a homeless bystander outside] HOB-HOB-HOBKNOCKER!

[eating spaghetti] I have to look beautiful! Jibley!

I hate children, I hate teenagers, I hate animals, AND I HATE AMERICA!

Carly

Isn't he charming?

Freddie

I stopped wearing antibacterial underpants and I'm entitled to my opinion.

Carly

And it's my opinion that we're out of time anyway!

Sam

So 'till the next iCarly...

Carly

Stay in school!

Sam

Recycle!

Carly

Pour milk on your parents.

Sam

Hug a duck.

Carly

Eat a stick of butter.

Sam

And shampoo a squirrel.

Hey, it's me. If you saw the last iCarly, then you heard Freddie Benson say he doesn't like my FЯED videos.

Freddie

[on playback) 'Cause I don't think FЯED is all that funny.

Thank you for crushing my feelings. Now, I'm not gonna post any more FЯED videos. Ever, again. Internet, I click you goodbye. [displays "Goodbye From FЯED"]

Sam

[angrily] You see what you did? You killed FЯED! [hurts Freddie]

Freddie

[screams in pain] I just gave my honest opinion!

Freddie

Why are you drinking ketchup?

Spencer

My magic meatball told me to. I'm tired, I'm gonna go take a nap.

Freddie

Oh. I see you girls are fans of FЯED. Heh. [the girls look at each other and push him down] Oh dear. Guys, guys would you- oh. Aah! Yeah, thank you. [FЯED fans pass by and boo and throw stuff at him]

BOO!

Freddie

Oh, come on, guys. It's not my fault! [more FЯED fans pass by and a boy throws a thing at his head] Oh! [shouts angrily] Alright, who threw this at my head?! Who threw this low fat fat cake at my head?! Huh?! [nobody answers] Well, I'm keeping it! Yah! [he walks to his locker and opens it while the Mathletes follow him. He looks at them and they are angry at him.] What's up guys?

We just had an emergency meeting of the Mathletes.

Freddie

Oh. Well, how come I wasn't invited?

Cause you killed FЯED!

Freddie

All I did was give my opinion!

Well, your opinion stinks...

[calms down Shawn] EASY, Shawn. [Shawn does calm down] I'm very sorry to say this, but the mathletes are subtracting you from the team.

Freddie

What?! Come on, I'm our best long divider!

Then you should be able to handle this long division...

Between us and you!

Sam

Hey, Benson. This FЯED thing is getting way out of control!

Carly

Kids keep booing and throwing stuff at us. [Freddie looks at them while on the floor]

Freddie

I didn't trash talk him!

Carly

It's not Freddie's fault, he just gave his opinion.

Freddie

Yeah! And, anyway it's not like...

Sam

(to Freddie) Uh-oh, check it out.

Carly

[angrily] Ugh! Why are they blaming our whole show?! It's all Freddie's fault!

Freddie

Hey!

Carly

Well...

Freddie

Well, it's way worse for me! I've been kicked out of everything except the junior bow and arrow club. [a fiery arrow hits a locker near him, and he takes a letter off of it] I'm out.