David quotes from iCarly

Carly

Who's the dude?

Sam

David, I hired him to read the book to me.

Carly

Then why is he rubbing your feet?

Sam

Because he was late. So, I started reading it myself and it is fantastic! These things are great! It's like TV in your head!

Carly

Well, I'm glad you like reading. But I still don't see why David's rubbing your feet.

Sam

I already paid the kid; I had to make him do something.

[pleading] Please call my mother.

Should we tell them what room?

Carly

I don't think we should

[pleased] Room 513.

Carly

That's 5-1-3! [holds up fingers for each number]

Sam

So, David, what was it like hanging it out with Wade Collins?

Oh, you know, he's... okay.

Carly

You don't like him, do you?

Not really, no.

Sam

Let it out, David.

Well, he called me a hobknocker. I don't even know what that means.

[disgusted] Oh, gross!

Sam

And illegal.

Carly

The important thing is we all agree that Wade Collins is horrible.

Sam

But just in case you don't believe me, Carly, or David--

Carly

Please enjoy this little video Freddie put together. Freddie, roll the video.

Freddie

Happy to, Carly.

[in a YouTube Poop-style video] I wanted tuna fish! [knocks the plate of ham sandwich out of Carly's hand, edited to do it three times]

[screen is flashing all different colors] I've got a pimple in my ear.

[Gibby is blow-drying his hair] Too hot-hot-hot!

Gibby

I'm sorry! [Wade takes the hairdryer, aims it at Gibby, and blows it in his face, causing him to run off]

[screen flashes negative] You're a stupid American, Freddie. Stupid American.

[walks by several music video-dressed girls] You're all a bunch of stupid, American, girls! You bunch of hobknockers!

[angrily screaming] I DON'T CARE ABOUT MUSIC! I WANT MONEY! [screen turns green, echoing "MONEY!"]

[rudely screams at a homeless bystander outside] HOB-HOB-HOBKNOCKER!

[eating spaghetti] I have to look beautiful! Jibley!

I hate children, I hate teenagers, I hate animals, AND I HATE AMERICA!

Carly

Isn't he charming?