Freddie Benson quotes from iCarly

Carly

Wow... you seriously don't want to kiss me. Why?

Freddie

'Cause ... I'm just bacon!

Carly

You're bacon?

Freddie

Foreign bacon!

Carly

Did that taco truck hit you in your brain?!

Carly

Well, I'm standing here with my lips all glossed up, and you're treating me like I'm your icky cousin Amanda.

Freddie

Amanda is disgusting.

Freddie

Mom, what are you spraying me with?

An anti-bacterial body spray for boys.

Freddie

Where do you find this stuff?

At sprayyourchildren.com.

Is it true you're gonna be Batman in the next movie?

Freddie

Uh, yeah, sure, spread that rumor around.

Freddie

My kittys got claws.

Carly

Rowr.

Spencer

Sam's throwing a tantrum.

Carly

I know.

Freddie

We know.

Spencer

What happened, did we run out of bacon?

Freddie

No.

Carly

She's mad because I refuse to enter the beauty pageant. [Sam is still screaming]

Sam

HEY, I won first place!

Carly

Can you guys pay a little attention to us?

Spencer

NO! We have five hours invested in this game!

Freddie

We are not stopping until we guess what we are!

Sam

(to Spencer) You're cheese.

Carly

(to Freddie) You're a big toe.

Spencer

OH!!!

Freddie

DANG IT!!! (Carly and Sam walk away, as he and Spencer put on new cards) AM I A SQUIRREL?!

Spencer

NO!

Carly

What's wrong?

Freddie

Gibby texted me ten times today. (he shows Carly and Sam his PearPhone)

Sam

What'd he text you?

Carly

"I'm going to make you bleed."

Sam

"On Friday."

Carly

"At 3:02."

Sam

"I love you, Mom."

Carly

"Wait, that last text wasn't for you, it was for my mom." ...Well, that's what you get for macking on his girlfriend!

Freddie

Gibby, this thing has gotten way outta- [Gibby smacks the coffee out of Freddie's hand] That was a Chai latte.

Gibby

Well, I'm gonna make you a DIE latte. [Freddie looks confused] Yeah. I said it!

Freddie

Nothing happened between me and Tasha! We were just talking and she--

Gibby

And you lost control and tried to kiss her up! I'm gonna break you.

Gibby

[To Freddie] I'm sorry I acted so turdy. [Holds out his hand] Bros?

Freddie

[Shakes Gibby's hand] Bros.

Freddie

HOW... does HE get HER?

Sam

There's gotta be something wrong with that chick.

Carly

Oh, come on. Gibby's sweet, and cute, and fun, and-- there's gotta be something wrong with that chick.

Freddie

So where are the groceries?

Sam

You left them at the donut shop.

Spencer

No... (starts to leave)

Freddie

Where 'ya going?

Spencer

To the donut shop...

Carly

I'm so mean. Do you see what pressure does to me? It brings out my mean.

Freddie

Alright, let's think. We have a talentless woman who can't sing, can't dance, and looks terrible.

Carly

Ooooh, this thinking's fun.

Carly

Here we go.

Freddie

Cross your fingers.

Sam

Can I get a sandwich?

Carly

Ginger Fox has no talent!

Freddie

She can't do anything!

Sam

Maybe it's best they don't know.

Spencer

I feel like I kissed Gibby.