Sam Puckett quotes from iCarly

Uhhh, it's a snowwoman, duh. Can't you see her snowbahoobies? That's how you know that it's a- [a snowboob falls off] Dang it! Ah, I can fix that, wait. Urgh!

[Elevator opens and Gibby comes out of it]

Hey hey, guess what. I started using deodorant. [Everyone looks at him oddly] But I can't decide which scent I like best, so under my right arm I used Ocean Breeze... [Sam quickly gets out of her chair away from Gibby] ...and under my left I used Summer Swagger. Carly, c'mon. Which one smells best?..

Gibby, no no, Gibby no... [tries to get Gibby to stop him from making her smell his underarms]

[Gibby forces Carly's head under his underarm]

Alright, that's the Ocean Breeze.

[Carly keeps trying to escape]

Sam

I'd stop this if it wasn't hilarious.

[Carly is finally free]

Now smell the left, let's go. [Carly is forced under his other pit and keeps trying to escape again] Okay, that's the Summer Swagger. Breathe it in deep. [Carly's free again] So which one you like best?

Probably the Ocean Breeze.

I knew it! Hey, is that a snowlady?

Straight up!

I think one of her bahoobies might've--

Yeah, I know about it!

Okay.

Hello, good people, and Sam!

Hey.

Sam

What up with the fruit bowl, fruit bowl?

I just thought you guys might like some pears, Pear for you, [to Carly] pear for you, [to Spencer] pear for you. [to Gibby]

I'm wearing deodorant.

So, why the pears?

'Cause this Freddie just got himself a job working at the Pear Store.

Cool!

You're selling computers?

Yep! Ipears, Pear Phones, Pear Pads, Pear-port Extremes, and all other Pear related products and accessories.

I love products and accessories.

Sam

Do we get a discount?

I do. You do not.

Sam

Hey, Gib... Why don't you see which deodorant Freddie likes best?

Ooh, Yeah!

What do you mean which deodorant I like best? [Gibby grabs him] Oh! Gibby.

Oh, all right, Okay.

Gibby.

Just breathe in... Come on breathe, Gibby.

There! I fixed her. And check this out. Her nose lights up. [His sculpture sets on fire] No!

Ah!

(Screaming) What?! [Smoke alarm beeps] Aw!

I'll call the Fire Department.

Sam

I'll disable the smoke alarm.

Aw!

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[Goes up to Freddie] Dude, hey.

What's up?

I have been talking to that nerdy, cute salesboy for 20 minutes and he has no clue that I am flirting with him; and I've been flirting my butt off.

What do you want me to do about it?

You're a nerd, give me advice.

I will not help you flirt with some- [notices Sam in her new uniform] Ahh. [Shocked] What is?!-

Sam

Momma got a job.

[Freddie looks at her in shock]

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Sam's my boss now?!

NNatalie

Yep.

Sam

Back to work, Fredbag.

No. This is wrong! I am a computer expert! I know SO MUCH!

Sam

We sorta dated for a while.

She? She is LAZY, and a CRIMINAL, and a nuisance, and she has TERRIBLE table manners!

Sam

He's still in love with me. It's kinda sad.

And if you think that she is a good employee who deserves to be MY BOSS, then YOU my friend are a TERRIBLE MANAGER and you don't deserve to have me work here!

NNatalie

Okay, you're fired.

But- how-- Fine. I'll leave. But I am keeping this Pear store shirt.

NNatalie

Kevin, get the shirt.

Kevin, come on, you're my friend.... Kevin! Kevin, I shared my sandwich with you one time! Kevin! ...This isn't over!

NNatalie

Why? What's left?

...Nothing, it's over. [walks off]

Sam

[runs after him] Dude! ...Don't you think you were a little rough on him?

NNatalie

...Nah, who cares.

Sam

Yeah. ...I'll be right back.

NNatalie

I'll never see you again, will I?

Sam

Nope.

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Sam

I'm changing the butter in my butter sock.

Oh. [points to the plate on the counter] What's this green stuff?

Sam

The old butter.

[looking disgusted] Awhh! Why can't you take that outside... or?

[Sam shrugs]

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Sam

[to Carly] Freddie and Gibby are in a band.

Oh my God.

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Sam's mom's in jail in Vegas and we gotta get her out.

[as he helps Gibby walk over to the Shays' couch] How much is it gonna cost to bail her out?

Sam

2500.

Dollars?

Sam

Uh huh.

Ooh, girl.

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Sam [about her missing laptop] It was a Bat Mitzvah gift from my grandmother.

You're not even Jewish.

Sam

[grabs Freddie by the collar & pulls his face up to hers] You tell my grandma that and I'll break you.

[nervously] Shalom.

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SSteven

I'm leaving tonight.

Sam

Wow. Way to bring us all down.

But, you can't leave tonight!

SSteven

I'm sorry. They need me back at the base in Italy tomorrow.

But, but that's not fair, you just got here! Come on... This is supposed to be a happy night! But, I just wanted more time, ya know, to have fun with you...

SSteven

Then come with me.

[surprised] What? What are you talking about?

SSteven

My Air Force base is right outside Florence, beautiful little town. Lots of the other officers have their kids living with them right on the base. There's a school. You can do...

This is crazy.

SSteven

Why? Why is it crazy?

Because! I... I can't leave my friends.

He's your dad.

Sam

Yeah, yeah. Living in Italy? Italian smoothies. I bet they use that Gelato. Oh yeah. Gelato's good.

Sam?

Sam

Oh, dude... If my dad asked me to spend some time with him in Italy, I'd say... Well, first I'd say, "oh, so you're my dad". And then I'd go.

But... But what about iCarly?

Sam

The Internet will still be here when you get back.

But what about...?

...Go to Italy. Go with Dad.

[Long pause]

SSteven

Lots a handsome guys your age in Italy.

I'm going to Italy!

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[At the end of the final iCarly webcast]

And, that's all the comedy for this iCarly. We, uh... We have something to tell ya. Now, this isn't goodbye.

Sam

No. It's not. But iCarly's gonna be taking a break. Carly's going to Italy to live with her dad for a while.

Oh... Listen. Doing iCarly for you guys, has meant so so much to me. And it's changed my life.

Sam

It's kept me out of prison. Most of the time.

Show's been a lot of fun. And um... I wanna say... To the fans of iCarly thank you. Without you guys, we'd just be a couple of idiots with a camera in an attic.

Which we are.

Well, yeah. So, 'til we see you again...

Sam

Keep your sock full a butter.

And if you're attacked by a moose...

Sam

Make sure you scream, "Oh my God, I'm being attacked by a moose! He's eating us! Ahhhhh!"