Carly Shay quotes from iCarly

Freddie

Uh... We were down for about 4 seconds.

Carly

Well... that's not a problem, right?

I'm sorry, guys. To break the world record, your webcast had to be continuous.

Carly

Haven't you ever heard of the five second rule?

That's for eating food off the floor.

Carly

Well, I feel that that rule could apply here nicely.

I'm really sorry.

Carly

Freddie, what do you think went wrong?

Freddie

I'm not sure, but I'd bet my whole month's allowance that all of my equipment was working perfectly!

Carly

Ooh, you'd bet a whole $8?

Sam

Your mom only gives you $8 a month?

Freddie

She's afraid that if she gives me more, I'll buy a bus ticket and leave her.

Carly

That's so dumb!

Freddie

Yeah, not really.

Sam

I can't believe Mr. Cline gave me a D on that test. How'd I get a D?

Carly

You only answered half the questions, then told Mr. Cline the test was stupid, then burped, then left.

Sam

And that's not worth a D+?

Carly

Will you ask the Plain White T's to perform on iCarly?

Spencer

Will you take a digital picture of my back?

Carly

Yes!

Spencer

Then, yes!

Nevel! Come kiss Mommy good-bye!

Nevel

[embarrassed] All right, mother! [to Carly] Better find a new hobby, Carly, 'cause your web show is officially canceled, by me! [he shuts off his telecast]

Carly

I hate him.

Nevel

[turns his telecast back on] I heard that. [turns it off again]

Sam

Wow, Freddie, I like seeing you all feisty.

Freddie

That's the Freddie way.

Carly

I thought the Freddie way was a toasted bagel with grape jelly.

Freddie

That's the Freddie Breakfast Way.

Ooh, spider!

Freddie

Mayday! Mayday! Mayday! We have a situation.

Carly

What's wrong?

Freddie

I think Nevel's grandmother just walked in.

Sam

Don't worry, Nevel said she's hopelessly confused.

Carly

Okay, we've got the cable hooked up. Now what?

Freddie

Okay. There's a file on my desktop called VL2.exe. Drag that onto his hard drive.

Carly

Okay.

Freddie

After you do that, just unhook-- [Nevel's grandma walks back in with an umbrella] Hi, there.

SPIDER!!

Who are you?

Carly

We're your... personal trainers.

Sam

Come on. Let's do some squat thrusts.

Carly

Squat and thrust.

Ready? Just squat and thrust. One... Two... Three..

Carly

Sam, let's go.

Three. W. Mustard.

Freddie

Well, better tell Spencer to cancel the Plain White T's.

Sam

Oh, man, this bites.

Freddie

Well, we can't do iCarly as long as Nevel controls our site.

Nevel

[turns his telecast back on hearing their conversation; tauntingly] So true.

Carly

[angrily] Get off my monitor! [angrily walks to the computer, unplugs it, and picks up a phone]

Freddie

Who are you calling?

Carly

You'll see.

Sam

You ordering pizza?

Carly

[annoyed] No! [Sam sits on the couch]

Nevel

And now, on iCarly, I will sing a song all about my web cast. [singing in a tone similar to "Old MacDonald Had a Farm"] ♪ I have a web show that I do, it is really bad! ♪

Sam

How can this not be infuriating you?!

Carly

Just keep watching.

Nevel

♪ And boring too, it makes people sad! With a boring here and-- ♪ [noticing that military soldiers are in his house] What are you people doing here? I demand a--

QUIET!

Nevel

Yes, sir.

Freddie

Who's that?

Carly

A friend of my dad's.

Sam

[deeply surprised] You called in the military?

Carly

[smugly] I don't play around.

Spencer

Lamp. Lamp. Lamp!

Carly

I think it knows it's a lamp.

Spencer

No, I want it to turn on. Lamp! Do you need a ride to school?

Carly

No, Freddie's mom's gonna drive us. And look what I'm gonna hand in today.

Spencer

You finished your history report?

Carly

No, I finished the greatest history report in the history of history reports.

Spencer

Nice. So what's it--?

Spencer

What? Lamp! What?

Carly

If I get an "A" on this, that means I'll get an "A" for the semester, which means I'll have straight A's on my report card for the first time ever!

Spencer

I'm very proud of you. [at lamp] Lamp! [annoyed] Gah! Why won't it work?

Carly

Let me see the instructions.

Spencer

Good luck, they're in Japanese.

Carly

Well, did you try saying "Lamp" in Japanese?

Spencer

I did not! How do you say it?

Carly

It looks like... "Rampu."

Spencer

Okay. Rampu. Rampu. RAMPU! [Lamp turns on]

Carly

Hey!

Spencer

It worked!

Carly

Yeah, you just got to say it like a really angry Japanese man!

Spencer

RAMPU! [lamp turns off] Come try! [Carly sits down next to Spencer]

[repeatedly] RAMPU! [Freddie walks in and stares at them for a moment, then walks back out slowly]

Carly

You gave me a B?! But I thought you said it was the best in the class!

It was. But, it was printed on 3-hole paper, which I despise.

Carly

Then just let me re-print it for you, on paper that is completely hole-free!

Reports can only be submitted once. Silly little truffle.

Carly

But this means I'll get a B-plus for the semester!

Yes. Congratulations.

Carly

[angrily] I'd like to punch three holes in him, that's what I'd like to do.

Sam

[walking back to Carly's apartment] Tell you what. on the next iCarly, we tell everyone to go egg Mr. Devlin's house. (Realistically, he'd get angry and he'll hate it.)

Carly

Nah, he'd probably like it, 'cause eggs don't have three holes!

Freddie

I told you not to take his class.

Carly

Yes, thank you, Freddie.

Spencer

Well, if it isn't my straight-A little sister, Carl-ay.

Carly

Don't call me "Carl-ay" 'cause I...

Spencer

To celebrate your straight A's, I'm making you a giant "A" made out of a bunch of smaller A's that I found.

Carly

Spencer... -

Spencer

Your "A" is gonna be huge! And when it's all done... -

Carly

I'm not getting straight A's. Mr Devlin gave me a B on my report, even though he said it was flawless.

Spencer

Why'd you get a B?

Carly

Cause I printed it on "three-hole paper".

Freddie

Mr Devlin's, like, the strictest teacher in school.

Spencer

Yeah, I know. He used to be lunch room monitor. He gave me detention.

Sam

For?

Spencer

Playing with my fruit.

Carly

Listen, it was really cool of you to make this big A for me, but would you mind taking it apart?

Spencer

Carly...

Carly

Seriously, if I'm not gonna get straight A's, then I'd rather not be reminded of... Of what almost was.

Spencer

Aw, who needs a hug?

Carly

Me.

Sam

Hey, how do you turn this lamp on?

Spencer

Rampu!

Freddie

Let me up!

Carly

Not if you're gonna tell on Sam!

Freddie

Then you tell.

Carly

No, I swore to Sam. We have to come up with a way to fix this without telling on Sam.

Freddie

Why would Sam change my grade? And make it better? She hates me.

Freddie

Oh, and uh, just for the record, the only reason you pinned me down like that is 'cause I wasn't ready.

Carly

Are you ready now?

Freddie

Yeah, why? [she pins him to the ground again as he struggles to break free from her] Can we please not tell anyone about this?

Please complete exercises 7 and 9.

Carly

What about number 8?

[whining] I'm in charge!