Carly Shay quotes from iCarly

Carly

AND NOW!

Sam

We take our buckets...

Carly

And do THIS! (she and Sam both drop their foamy water on a laptop) And that's the PROPER way...

Sam

To clean your parents' laptop!

Spencer

Hey, have you ever tried Oystamato?

Carly

No.

Spencer

WORST…DRINK…ever. It's a blend of tomato juice and oyster juice.

Carly

You hate tomatoes AND oysters.

Spencer

I know.

Carly

So, what made you think you'd like a blend of their juices?

Spencer

I didn't think it through.

Carly

You never told him that you dropped out of law school?

Spencer

Daddy's very busy!

Carly

I smashed a window and fled from our space pod.

Spencer

Aw.

Carly

Mr. blanton said if I did that up in outer space, my eyes would've been sucked out of my head and that'd be bad for his business.

Spencer

He has a point.

Carly

I'm so mean. Do you see what pressure does to me? It brings out my mean.

Freddie

Alright, let's think. We have a talentless woman who can't sing, can't dance, and looks terrible.

Carly

Ooooh, this thinking's fun.

Carly

Here we go.

Freddie

Cross your fingers.

Sam

Can I get a sandwich?

Carly

Ginger Fox has no talent!

Freddie

She can't do anything!

Sam

Maybe it's best they don't know.

Spencer

I feel like I kissed Gibby.

Spencer

She's a very sophisticated woman. I can't have her thinking I spend my time hanging with teenagers doing goofy stuff!

Carly

That's like, all you do!

Spencer

Yeah, but I can't have her thinking that! She wears pantyhose!

Gibby

Hey, Carly.

Carly

Yeah?

Gibby

Um– [Points on his foot] –is it weird if a guy grows hair between his toes?

Carly

Why? Do you?

Gibby

No.

Freddie

[Runs in] Carly! Did you see Sam's email?

Carly

No, what email?

Freddie

She's in jail!

Carly

What? What happened?

Freddie

[Shows Carly something on his phone] She was at the jiffy mart, buying a snack, and a guy cut in front of her. So she shoved a hot chili dog down his pants, and it turns out the guy was an ambassador from Mexico.

Carly

[Groans angrily] Sam! So then what happened?

Freddie

He yelled– [Speaks in Spanish] "Los frijoles calientes quema mis pantalones! Ohhhhh!"

Carly

No! I mean, with Sam!

Freddie

[Speaks in English] Oh. Uh, the cops showed up and took her down to juvie.

Freddie

Her mom's on her way there, but Sam says there's no way she's getting out till tomorrow.

Gibby

So you're canceling iCarly?

Freddie

Well, I don't see how we're gonna be able to do the show–

Carly

No, we're not canceling iCarly. We've never canceled the show, and my dad's watching it live tonight for the first time.

Gibby

[Confused] I thought Spencer was your dad.

Carly

[Annoyed] Gibby!

Freddie

Well, how are we gonna do the show without Sam?

Carly

[Gets an idea] Spencer!

Gibby

Normal, here I come. [Starts cutting hair between his toes]

Carly

(talking very fast) Freddie says "In 5, 4, 3, 2…", then points at us, then we introduce the show. Then after that we go to that wheel over there and do a bit called "Put that in your man purse", which you don't know about but just play along and you'll figure it out as we go.

Spencer

Why doesn't Freddie say "in five, four, three, two, one"?

Carly

No one knows!

Freddie

I know.

Carly

No one cares! Now hurry, take your jacket and glasses off!

Spencer

But I look so sophisticated.

Carly

This is iCarly! We don't do sophisticated! (slaps Spencer lightly)

Carly

Okay, after the wet hair thing, play a couple more clips while I set up for "Hey, what am I licking?"

Freddie

'Kay.

Gibby

Who's gonna be the licker?

Carly

You. [Pulls Gibby away]

Gibby

[Excited] Awesome!

What is going on here?!

Spencer

Uh-oh! Baby was worried This would happen!

Spencer?

Spencer

[own voice] Could you give me Like five minutes And I'll be right down?

I've been waiting almost a half-hour down there, by myself! And what is all this anyway?

Carly

It's a live web show, and we refuse To break character!

Gibby

Who is this woman?! Off with her head!

Freddie

If her head does come off, might I please eat it?

Freddie

Do you see anything?

Carly

Just trees. And some bushes... and two squirrels wrestling!

Freddie

... Carly...

Carly

Yeah?

Freddie

They're not wrestling...

Carly

... Oh...

Spencer

Hey, did you see those squirrels?

Carly

(very quickly) Don't talk about it!

Sam

Ohhhhhhh, it hurts!

Carly

What?

Sam

The sound of Freddie talking!