[Ted has missed out on a sure thing for the wedding weekend and the Templar Knight appears again]
TKTemplar Knight
She chose... Wesley. I've been waiting to say that!
S9 E6Knight Vision
S9 E7No Questions Asked
[Lily complains to the manager about Room 13]
MManager
So you're saying you didn't order room service and you didn't order Prison Sluts 9?
I'm saying I did not order room service.
[When Ted learns why Marshall never gave Lily a No Questions Asked, he asks to talk to Lily.]
You want to tell me what's going on?
Yes, I was offered a judgeship in New York and I took it even though we agreed to move to Rome. I'm gonna be a judge. [pause] Lily?
You know Marshall, I don't believe in ghosts and I'm not sure anyone died in our room... but someone's going to.
S9 E8The Lighthouse
[Lily's angry over Ted's insistence about bringing Cassie to the lighthouse]
Pull your head out of your ass, Mosby! Do you think Marshall always makes me happy? Sometimes, being him is a real trial - [grunts] trial [breaks glass]. Huh, did it to myself that time. Ted [takes brochure] it's time to settle. Take this normal-sized chick up to the lighthouse, fall in love with her and quit bothering us with your dumb love life stuff! God, I'm so sick of being smarter than everyone else! [walks off to encounter Linus who holds fresh glass] You're slipping, Linus.
LLinus
We're running out of glasses.
[Robin gets ready for her own scrambled eggs]
Okay, scrambled eggs. Here we go, where is the egg opener? [Barney and Lily shake heads] Never mind I'll prescramble them. [shakes eggs as Barney and Lily are still shaking heads] OK, fine Loretta. You know what, you win. I don't know how to cook egg.
If you don't even know how to make scrambled eggs, I just worry what kind of breakfast you're gonna be serving my grandchildren.
[choking up] Oh, well, lucky you, because that is one thing you will never have to worry about. [leaves]
Mom, Robin can't have kids.
S9 E9Platonish
[Ted is defiant against Hammond Druthers' job offer]
HDHammond Druthers
Look Ted, I can make your life very difficult.
How?
DDruthers
How?!? I will call you a lot. I will Tweet at you like crazy. I will live on your Facebook wall!!
We're not Facebook friends.
DDruthers
Yeah what's going on with that? It's been pending for like eight months now.
[Barney and a certain woman talk about Robin]
We tried dating a while back and it was a disaster but I'd - I always regret giving up. It just ended so quickly. [to woman] What about you? You and your boyfriend are gonna go the distance?
WWoman
I don't know. I think maybe I still haven't met the right guy.
Wonder if I know someone I can set you up with. [contemplates] Drawn a blank.
WWoman
Are you gonna get this girl or what?
I don't know. I'm kind of at my peak right now, I don't know if I can just walk away from the game.
WWoman
Do you want to keep playing or do you want to win?
[pause] I want to win. What am I doing? In less than 20 minutes, Robin and I could be-
WWoman
Oh, no, no, no, no, no. It's gonna take a lot more than 20 minutes. This is gonna take everything you have got. This is gonna take all of your time, all of your attention, all of your resources. This is the Big One, diaper-man. You got to do it right, can't be messing around picking up girls in drugstores. You got work to do. [leaves]
S9 E10Mom and Dad
[Barney and James are stunned to see Loretta and Sam Gibbs making out]
Get your damn hands off my mom!
JJames
Get your damn hands on my mom!
RSRev. Sam Gibbs
One on, one off.
The hell is going on here?
After you boys tracked him down a few years back, we got in touch, we became friends again, started hanging out...
SSam
And then one day, she went from being Loretta to being... Lo-retta.
[Daphne wakes up and sees that Marshall brought her to her daughter's school]
Wait, this is -
That's your daughter's school. You need to go in.
She asked me not to come, Marshall. This doesn't make any sense!
Kids don't understand logic. Kids understand who shows up.
S9 E11Bedtime Stories
There there, little Marvin. Let no more tears fall.
We're going to see Mommy in no time at all.
Upon your arrival, you'll be hugged and kissed,
But when Mommy sees Daddy, she's gonna be pissed.
You can’t anoint yourself king like that jerk LeBron.
He left the Cavs three years ago, bro, give it up, move on.
S9 E12The Rehearsal Dinner
[flustered at Barney's deception] This is crazy, Barney. We can't have a marriage like this. A marriage has to be built on honesty and trust and all that Lily-and-Marshall crap.
[to Robin] Canadians also helped to win two world wars and gave the world Neil Young, William Shatner, Leonard Cohen, Pamela Anderson, one quarter of Barney Stinson, instant mashed potatoes, and best of all, you.
S9 E13Bass Player Wanted
You’re moving to Chicago? Is that even a real place? It’s a style of pizza. Ted, you can’t live in pizza.
[The Mother laments her failure to stand up to Darren and lead her band again]
There are real villains in this world, but they don’t always get real justice, do they? You wanna believe karma is gonna get ‘em, but karma doesn’t always come through. I guess you have to accept that sometimes in life you just don’t get that knock-out punch.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's How I Met Your Mother pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.