Marshall, you being 18 is not a bad thing. It only just means you get to spend more of your life with her. I mean, like, I'm not gonna meet my wife until like I'm, 23.
Marshall
Right. What am I thinking? I'm in love with this girl.
[having seen the video] Ted, you gave me the ultimate stamp! And my whole life... [gestures to Marvin] this life, it all goes back to that moment. [embraces Ted]
Man, this whole free agent experience... it's been an unbelievable experience... a real, humbling experience. First all, the Lusty Leopard is where I developed my game. [looks at strippers] I have nothing but the utmost respect for you skanks...
... but Barney Stinson has to do what's right for Barney Stinson's penis. In this fall... This is tough, um, in this fall, I'm going to take my talents ... to Mouth Beach. [Mouth Beach dancers and patrons rejoice]
[gasps at seeing Ted and Marvin with Santa Claus] Ted took Marvin to see Santa?!? [seethes and closes book] I'm gonna take this book and I'm gonna shove it so far up his-
Marshall
The point is, it made us remember another scrapbook you made. [remembers Building's Book of Firsts about the GNB Tower] That project really was your baby and now it's over, you're scared to move on.
I poured all my blood, sweat and tears into that building. To be fair, a lot of it happened the day I accidentally fell down that elevator shaft. The point is, it's just really hard to let go, especially since that building's my biggest accomplishment. I mean, maybe if I was where you guys at in life, all you had to be proud of... [Lily gives him a lollipop; they all sit down]
Marshall
We get it, you'll always gonna be Uncle Ted. But if Marvin can't be your next project, you need one of your own, so we rescheduled your meeting with that headhunter. He's over there. [points to black man sitting with children]
Well, first of all, respect to Mickey. Your mom's a piece - she's no Ted's mom, but she's a piece. Secondly, I mean, it's nice that they found each other. Sometimes, you fall for someone you never expect, but that doesn't make it wrong. Doesn't everyone deserve to be happy?
You know what, I love Barney, but this ring thing sucks. This gross guy, brushed against my rack, and then apologized - and I think he really really meant it.
Sweetie, I know it's nice to be groped by strangers, but nothing beats the rush you get when that one special person looks at you.
Marshall
It's true. Like here in this bar, there's only one thing that I see. [looks at Lily] I see her brightly, and more clearly than anything else in this world. You know what that is? That's love... and possibly alcohol mixed [shows medicine vial] with some very powerful antibiotics.
[Marshall is fuming at Lily for stealing The Captain's ashtray]
Marshall
You're gonna return that ashtray and you gonna pray he doesn't press charges because I can't be in a marriage while one of us is in prison! I know that we roleplay conjugal visits a lot, but I can't do that for realsies.
[tears] Because he was right, I am just a kindergarten teacher and yes, I have a degree in art history and I was meant to do something with it, but I didn't. Somewhere along the line, I forgot to pursue my dream and now I'm old and I'm a mom and it's just too late for me.
[calms her down] Nonono, it's not too late. It's not too late. You're gonna quit your job tomorrow, and you're gonna, you're gonna go back and pick up right where you left off with that art stuff. And then you know what? I'm gonna find Shelly, and I'mma punch her in the face. Yeah, I'mma punch a girl. Run away. I promise you. Your best and your most exciting days are all ahead of you.
I love you so much for saying that, but there get's to be a point in life where that it just stops being true. I'm sorry I stole this. [sees ashtray] I'll return it first thing in the morning.
Sorry, it's the Robin Scherbatsky, read it and weep.
Marshall
So you're gonna Zuckerberg me? Alright, you're Zuckerberging me? It's fine, I'll see you in court, a little court called the dance floor. Dance-off now!
[Marshall tries to convince Lily of accepting the Captain's assignment for her in Rome and she calls him on her speaking only one Italian sentence]
Marshall
[subtitles while repeating Italian sentence] Come on, maybe the only sentence I know is "come on bro, don't Bogart all the Funyuns," but I know in my heart that you understand me anyway. Because no one I know has better understood anyone better than you and I understand each other. Is this trip going to be scary? Yes. Do I like the idea of not knowing the language? Of course not, but I believe we can do this. I love you, Lily. I love you.
This is the first thing we bought when we moved here after college. It was the only piece of furniture we had for a week, and now you two are moving to Italy. What if our friendship doesn't pass the "Have you used it in a year?" test? If you can throw out this chair, who's to say you can't throw me out too?
I'm sure they got a Godzilla's in New York. We're not stopping. It's just pizza.
Marshall
[scoffs] Just pizza? Let me tell you about the thing you say is "just pizza." We begin with the first bite. Aww the crunch, and then marinara, that roiling lava of tomato and oregano it overtakes you. I'm falling. And that's when she catches you. That chewy voluptuous mistress mozzarella. Oven-kissed cheeks crackle with warmth in your mouth, cradling the sauce and the bread, letting you know from now on this is home. This pizza... It's home.
Marshall, I apologized over and over again. Now you're saying you've never forgiven me? There is nothing more important to me than our family, you know that!
Marshall
Well let me ask, what if you had found success in San Francisco? How do I know that you even would've come back to me?
How I Met Your Mother · 439 quotes
Marshall
