I love everything about her, and I’m not a guy who says that lightly. I’m a guy who has faked love his entire life. I thought love was just something idiots thought they felt, but this woman has a hold on my heart that I could not break if I wanted to - and there have been times that I wanted to. [Robin looks at him] It has been... overwhelming and humbling and even painful at times, but I could not stop loving her any more than I could stop breathing. I am hopelessly, irretrievably in love with her. More than she knows.
It's okay, it's okay. I want it to be okay. So, here's what's gonna happen. I'm gonna get us two drinks, and then I'm gonna come back and comment on the likely size and color of the nipples on that redhead at the bar... with the big, dark nipples. And you're gonna be grossed out, but you'll laugh a little anyway. And then you're gonna tell a funny story about "that bitch Patrice" at work. But neither one of us is gonna say, "Hey, how's it going?" or "Good to see you!"... because it will actually be good to see you. Think we can swing that?
Nope. I spent the night thinking how everything I've done since Quinn and I broke up has been a cry for help. Dressing up a dog like me, hooking up with all those nannies...
But I'm going to figure it out. I have to. Good night, guys.
Robin
God I feel awful. Barney is going through something big and here I've been obsessing about one stupid final hookup to get him out of my system. He needs space and time to figure this out - and I have to give it to him.
Oh this? This is just cakes. Anyway, we'll run the ceremony at that beautiful church out on Long Island where Victoria almost got married, lovely spot. And then, we're gonna have a big reception in a big white tent on the front lawn of the hotel. The colors are cream and lilac.
But if that's the price for my daughter's love, then I will gladly let Carol pay it. Was that not what you wanted?
Robin
You want to know what I want? [Robin Sr nods] A normal dad, that's all. I want you to give this blonde guy permission to marry me, come to the wedding, give me away, smile in the pictures, and then dance with me like a normal dad! Is that too much to ask?
[Robin laments to Lily and Marshall not being able to get any freebies because of her being engaged]
Robin
You know what, I love Barney, but this ring thing sucks. This gross guy, brushed against my rack, and then apologized - and I think he really really meant it.
It's true. Like here in this bar, there's only one thing that I see. [looks at Lily] I see her brightly, and more clearly than anything else in this world. You know what that is? That's love... and possibly alcohol mixed [shows medicine vial] with some very powerful antibiotics.
[Barney tries to explain to Robin why the Playbook still exists]
Robin
You really think this is just about a book Barney? You lied to me, and if we're gonna be in a marriage and trust each other, you can't lie to me. Ever.
Really, well that's just great, because in case you haven't noticed, these last eight years, lying is what I do best. [Begins pulling out various magic tricks] I'm a magician, Robin. Misdirection and deceit are my stock and trade. You don't want me to lie to you? Lies are the reason that we're together. Every single thing I did to you to get you to say "Yes" to me on that rooftop - Patrice, the false engagement, everything - it was all utter malarkey, but underneath ... all of those lies is one true thing - one true thing that can support the weight of all the lies in the world and that's the fact that I love you, and you know that when I say that, I'm not lying.
Yeah, if I ask you to change too many things about yourself, you're not gonna be the man I fell in love with. Turns out I accept and appreciate even the grossest, creepiest, most sociopathic parts of you.
So you're gonna Zuckerberg me? Alright, you're Zuckerberging me? It's fine, I'll see you in court, a little court called the dance floor. Dance-off now!
[Robin has confronted Barney on bailing over dinner with his mom]
Robin
I just tore your mom away from a living version of a Nick Nolte mugshot and put her in a cab home. Thank you for abandoning me on what has been one of the worst nights of my life.
It's not a sign, you're doing the right thing marrying Barney. The universe isn't sending you some message! [begins to rain] As we know from science, rain is liquid water in the form of droplets which have condensed from atmospheric vapor and precipitated - it's not a sign!
Robin
Ted, this is a sign and you know it! I mean the universe is screaming at me right now and how can you of all people tell me to ignore that?
Because maybe it's dumb to look for signs from the universe, maybe the universe has better things to do - and dear God, I hope it does. Do you know how many signs I've gotten, how I should and shouldn't be with someone? Where has it gotten me? Maybe there aren't any signs. Maybe a locket's just a locket; a chair's just a chair. Maybe we don't have to give meaning to every little thing. Maybe we don't need the universe to tell us what we really want. Maybe we already know that. Deep down. [Robin holds his hand]
Prove to me you can make a female friend. What about her? [points to woman]
Robin
Ugh the girl with the bangs? Any chick who does that to her hair is going through a big life transition I don't want to hear about. Next time grow your bangs long enough to cover your mouth. I'll pass.
How I Met Your Mother · 439 quotes
Robin
