Robin Scherbatsky quotes from How I Met Your Mother

Barney

You know what? We shouldn't have lied about our story. I love our story. Sure, it's messy, but it's the story that got us here, about to get married.

Robin

I love it too, every messy chapter. I love that you slept with over 250 women before deciding that I was your favorite.

This is killing me.

Barney

And I love that we just had to keep on having sex with each other even when we were dating other people.

This is really killing me.

Robin

And I love that your marriage proposal involved a strip club, lying to me, and pretending to bang the woman I hate for two months.

Barney

I love that we keep a running tally of all the different rooms we had sex in.

Robin

And I love that two weeks ago, we put [looks at reverend] this room on that list.

Barney

Ha? Come on Rev, that's gotta be worth some kind of a reaction, right? I mean, right where your hymnal is where we.. where we.. [notices blank stare; Barney gets closer and sees the Reverend is dead; to Robin] Well, that's not what you want.

Robin

Okay, scrambled eggs. Here we go, where is the egg opener? [Barney and Lily shake heads] Never mind I'll prescramble them. [shakes eggs as Barney and Lily are still shaking heads] OK, fine Loretta. You know what, you win. I don't know how to cook egg.

Loretta Stinson

If you don't even know how to make scrambled eggs, I just worry what kind of breakfast you're gonna be serving my grandchildren.

Robin

[choking up] Oh, well, lucky you, because that is one thing you will never have to worry about. [leaves]

Barney

Mom, Robin can't have kids.

Robin

I love you.

Barney

Enough to take this slap for me?

Robin

[sadly] No. [goes behind Marshall]

Ted

I'm not gonna answer the question, because you know the answer. You want to talk about my Top Five? There's no Top Five, Robin, there's just a Top One - and it's you. And the only reason I'm saying it is, 'cuz I know it's not gonna change anything. You and Barney are getting married today. If I have to hold the shotgun myself, it's happening.

Robin

I thought you don't like guns.

Ted

I'm the best man. I swore on the Bro Code. I don't want to go to Bro Hell.

Robin

Bro Hell sounds bad.

Ted

I'm sure Barney's got a whole thing about Bro Hell.

Robin

But... What about when we get back from our honeymoon? What about our first night out at the bar, what then? Is it gonna be weird?

Ted

No.

Robin

How can you be so sure?

Ted

Because I'm not gonna be there. I'm moving to Chicago.

Robin

Did you just turn off the bride's TV on her wedding day?

Lily

Oh oh, is this your wedding day? I'm sorry! Couldn't tell, because you're acting like its any other Sunday morning, and it's not!

Robin

Lily, if you're waiting for me to suddenly turn into the wedding bride, you just give up, that's not me.

Lily

Fine, maybe we should just act like this wedding's no big deal, and you know what? I don't feel like wearing my bridesmaid's dress.

Robin

Great, it's just a wedding. Who cares what people wear?

Ted

[shows Barney another suit in a different room] SAY YES TO THIS SUIT!!!

Barney

[crying] I can't. I can't! [Ted throws suit on to the floor]

Marshall

Lily... you're gonna have a baby?

Lily

[pause, teary-eyed] I told you guys I could keep a secret. [embraces Marshall]

Robin

Uh Barney, this is my mom.

Barney

Hi!

Hello - [shakes Barney's hand but startled at embrace] Oh! He's a hugger. Nothing like your dad.

Lily

[to Marshall] I'm sorry, I was gonna tell you tonight -

Marshall

No, oh my God no that's fine. There’s so much we have to do. We have to do research on, uh, hospitals in Italy. We have to -

Lily

We’re not going to Italy.

Marshall

Of course we are. Lily, we have to do this. You’re going to live in Rome. And you’re going to get your dream, 'cause you’re giving me mine — again.

Lily

But there's gonna be all sorts of paperwork - and if she's born outside of the US, she could never become President!

Marshall

[startled] It's a girl?

Lily

Oh I don't know, but in my mind, I kinda think she is!

Marshall

I love you so much. [embraces Lily]

Oh darling, you're going to be fine. You know for every marriage in the world like I had with your dad, there's a marriage like [points to Marshall and Lily inside the bride's room] those two in there. Marriage is terrifying. It's like flying, you know - you're filled with a mortal dread, but if you find someone you feel safe with, it's like, flying! But if you got someone that is really there for you, someone you can depend on, you're gonna be fine. Do you have someone like that?

Robin

[contemplates] I do.

Ted

Stop, stop! You're saying this because you're scared! I am not your future. Barney is.

Robin

Shouldn't I be with a guy who finds me my locket? The guy who steals me the blue French horn? I mean look me in the eye and tell me why shouldn't I be with that guy?

Ted

Because I'm not that guy anymore.

Robin

Then why did you work so hard to find me my locket?

Ted

It was a wedding gift.

Robin

Ted stop it, okay? I've known you better than that. This is more than a wedding gift.

Ted

Maybe it started out that way. Maybe some part of me thought—

Robin

—that you still loved me.

Ted

Maybe, but the truth is…I don't love you like that anymore, and you don't love me. You love Barney, and if you think I would ever be part of screwing that up, then maybe you don't know me at all, Robin.

Robin

Oh, I can't shake it, I can't shake this feeling that nothing about me and Barney makes any sense!

Ted

But love doesn't make sense! I mean, you can't logic your way in or out of it. Love is totally nonsensical. But we have to keep doing it, or else we're lost, and love is dead, and humanity should just pack it in. Because love is the best thing we do. Look, I know that sounds cheesy, but it's just true. You love Barney, and he loves you. And that doesn't have to make sense…to make sense.