[asking if Dobson isn't a doctor] You said one of us wasn't a doctor, and you called him a fraud.
He's not a doctor. Continue, Bos.
D Dobson
Could be an STD...
[starts randomly pressing buttons on the phone] Oh, you're breaking up! I'm going into a tunnel. Dark Religious Nut,...
[surprised] What did you call me?
I'm sorry. What do you people want to be called this week?
Well, I'm never going to remember that. Take Bosley and the other visible minorities to the funeral home. The rest of you young, white people - the world is your oyster. An MRI with contrast, EEG, LP and blood panel. And Angels, be careful. [hangs up]
[about Dr. Cole] Just because he's religious, doesn't mean he won't kick your ass.
No, I want you to stop being such a jerk to him.
[Dr. Cameron stops leaning on the desk]
Smart call. That guy's a wuss. He'll be the next one on the train.
Any physical confrontation...
Anything over... 70 decibels. And you can't start suddenly being nice to him!
You realize what you're encouraging here?
[smiles] Yeah, someone kicking your ass.
How many of them agreed to dig up a grave?
Six. But don't worry, the one who didn't didn't stand on principle. He just had a diaper to change. I really think there are no bad choices in this group.
You guys don't wipe your feet when you come in the house? [hands Dr. Taub a mop] Doctors' lounge, let's go.
Well, I can't ask the black guy or one of the chicks to do it; that would be insensitive.
What do you want us to do?
The question is... what would Joseph Smith do?
This isn't the time for--
The patient's not possessed, she's dying. You can mock me tomorrow.
You believe that the book has all the answers.
To morality, not science!
But the book is inconsistent with science. Do you know how many epileptics were tortured because they were "possessed"? How many teenage witches were stoned to death because they took mushrooms?
Just shut up already! We've got a patient dying!
You either gotta prescribe an exorcism, or admit to me that Smith was a horny fraud--
[Dr. Cole turns around and punches House in the face, to the shock of everybody in the room.]
[after a moment of silence] I know what she has.
You couldn't have spoken up ten seconds ago? You could've saved me a hundred bucks.
[After winning a $100 bet] Cash will be fine.
I bet you say that to all the guys.
I decided you're right. You're obviously in an impossible position. There's no point in me humiliating you.
... so I'm gonna humiliate Cuddy - until she fires you.
The guy's faking. It's Munchausen's. You noticed the EMT runsheet? The paramedic who brought him in is also named Martin Harris.
Well, if the name was Atilla von Wienerschnitzel , I'd say you might be onto something.
Do you know another mirror syndrome?
You're risking our patient's life, just to get back at Cuddy?
Whaaaaaaaaat? No. That would be childish. This is what I'm doing to get back at Cuddy. [in the clinic waiting room] Who here doesn't have any health insurance? [many people raise their hands] Michael Moore was right. MRI’s, PET scans, neuro-psych tests, private rooms for all these patients. Fight the power!
War doesn't end until Foreman's gone.
Foreman's not going anywhere.
And I know when my Vicodin isn't Vicodin. Do you know when your birth control pills aren't birth control pills?
[Cuddy and House are talking to the patient who is always "mirroring" the most dominant person around him, trying to figure out if Cuddy or House is the more powerful.]
Hi. I'm the Dean of Medicine.
Hi. I'm the guy who saved your life.
[observing outside with Dr. Foreman] So what if it's House?
Then I take the job at Mount Zion.
There is no job at Mount Zion.
Well, if House said it, it must be true.
I can fire him. I can fire him now. I can fire him tomorrow. I don't even need a re-
She doesn't fire me. She never WILL fire me. She needs me -
He's a good doctor, that's all. I respect his expertise and I -
Well, that could have been either of us.
[Trying] Still could have been either of us.
[Smiles] You lose. [Starts victory dance]
Seriously, I have always thought my breasts were one of my best features.
[seeing House doing his victory dance from outside the room] Damn.
Technically it's Wilson's lunch.
This is Dr. Sidney Curtis from the Mayo Clinic, he's also agreed to help with the diagnosis.
C Dr. Curtis
[shakes hands with House] Dr. House.
"Curtis on Immunology " Sidney Curtis?
C Dr. Curtis
[pleased] Oh, you've read it?
Nope, but it is keeping my piano level.
I'm afraid there are going to be some limitations on his medical history. Just let me know what you need and I should be able to provide it.
FYI, my malpractice insurance doesn't cover alien autopsies.
That's fine. X-Files are in the next wing over.
C Dr. Curtis
Where was the patient when he first fell ill?
Sorry, that's classified, but assume there aren't too many places in the world John hasn't been, and yes - "John"'s a cover name.
C Dr. Curtis
And what makes you think it was an attempt on his life?
Sorry, can't tell you that either.
C Dr. Curtis
Well, what can you tell us?
Yeah, did Oswald really have sex with Marilyn Monroe?
Who were you going to kill in Bolivia? My old housekeeper?
I'm sorry - who were you going to marginalize ? If it is my housekeeper, she has it coming. Cleaning the windows means cleaning both sides. Am I right or am I right?
When - when you were dying, you tried to infect me, because you knew I'd fight for you if I thought I was dying, too.
You're bringing this up now so I'll forgive you for messing with my patient?
I'm happy I changed jobs. But, I know I'll never have that sort of... excitement.
You miss people trying to kill you?
No, I miss people doing whatever it takes to get the job done. [slight pause, Foreman nods] I guess that's why I'm having trouble giving it up.
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