[about Dr. Terzi] I think she might be an idiot.
Who?
She can't be an idiot! She's in the CIA, for god's sake!
The Bay of Pigs was a daring triumph?
S4 E7Ugly
[About Dr. Terzi]
She's making me an idiot.
That's cute. You have a crush.
No, I think it's something systematic.
Thirteen's pretty. You're obviously okay with her.
She killed a patient.
The bitch is pretty.
The bitch is a bitch.
Ask her out.
The bitch? She's a bitch.
No, the one that's making you an idiot. It's the story of life. Boy meets girl. Boy gets stupid. Boy and girl live stupidly ever after.
[The movie crew is interviewing Cameron in the ER while she works on a patient]
DDirector
So, before you worked here in the ER you worked for House, right?
Three and a half years.
DDirector
Why did you leave?
EPER Patient
Hey, I - I don't want to be on TV. I'm not signing a release.
DDirector
We'll blur you out.
[to the patient] Take off your pants.
EPER Patient
[to the director] Will you be able to use any of this if I start swearing?
DDirector
Did House treat you as badly as he treats his current fellows?
Loaded question.
EPER Patient
Faaaarrrkk! [chuckles] That's not even a word. [giggles] Fork!
DDirector
[sarcastically] Very clever.
I learned how to be a doctor from House. Or, at least a doctor who learned how to be a doctor from House, if that makes any sense.
DDirector
And you left his team because... you couldn't stand him anymore?
[distracted] No, no, I - I love Dr. House.
DDirector
[surprised] Now that's something we haven't heard.
I mean, [slight pause] what did you ask me, again?
DDirector
Why you left.
[confused, stuttering] I - I loved being... around him. Professionally, you know he was always... stimulating [realising what she just said] - not in the erotic sense of the word!
EPER Patient
[giggling] Fork. They forked. And then they spooned.
Can I see that again?
And what did you miss? She screwed up, I....
No, just the part when she leans forward, I think you can see through her dress.
We can try and pretend we're above it or we can try and intellectualize it away, but ultimately, shiny, pretty, perky things are good, [pause] and ugly, misshapen teenage boys are repulsive.
DDirector
The question was, "Do you resent Dr. Cuddy's interference in your practice?"
Oh. Well then I guess my answer wasn't very helpful, was it?
S4 E8You Don't Want To Know
Actual magic is oxymoronic. [pause] Might not even be oxy.
FFlynn
The fun is in not knowing. [Dr. House appears to cut the magician's IV line, the magician looks worried]
The fun is in knowing. [He shows the magician his intact IV line, showing that he cut a piece of plastic tubing]
FFlynn
[exclaims] Oh, my head! Oh! I have a headache.
How bad? Is it new?
FFlynn
Oh! It's not too bad. I'll take one of these. [pretends to have a pill bottle in his hand, and pours out two real pills in his hand.]
Hm? Vicodin. [Dr. House pulls out his actual pill bottle, and shakes it, hearing nothing shaking in it]
FFlynn
People come to my show because they want a sense of wonder. They want to experience something they can't explain.
If the wonder's gone when the truth is known, there never was any wonder.
What the hell is this?
Looks like an envelope with the results for the genetic test for Huntington's inside.
Did you look?
Thought it would be fun to find out together.
I don't want to know.
No, you're afraid to know.
I might die. So could you. You could get hit by a bus tomorrow, the only difference is you don't have to know about it today, so why should I?
I don't have to know the lottery numbers, but if someone offered them to me I'd take them.
You spend your whole life looking for answers, because you think the next answer will change something, maybe make you a little less miserable. And you know that when you run out of questions, you don't just run out of answers, you run out of hope. You glad you know that?
S4 E9Games
What makes you so sure that drugs are a mask for something else?
Drugs are always a mask for something else.
Dr. House [pauses] That's the dumbest thing I have heard in my life.
[Thirteen leaves, Dr. House awards her extra points on the scoreboard]
You have three choices in life: be good, get good or give up. You've gone for column D. [Turns to the patient] Why? [Patient sighs] The simple answer is "If you don't try, you can't fail".
Dying's easy. Living's hard!
That can't possibly be as poignant as it sounded.
[places record in record player] A little mood music, build the suspense.
Sounds more folky.
You seriously have no idea when to shut up, do you? Amber! Please stand.
You didn't call me a bitch... is that bad?
[She stands]
You play the game better than anybody else here. [Dr. Volakis smiles.] But for the wrong reasons.
Reasons don't matter. Results are the only thing...
You were wrong. [beat] Twenty years ago, [points to the record player] this was recorded by Jim Moskowitz. Who later became known as Jimmy Quidd. Loves kids, apparently has a heart, perhaps even a soul. If you're gonna work for me, you have to be willing to be wrong, willing to lose. 'Cause you just did. [somberly] You're fired.
[Dr. Volakis doesn't protest. She nods tearfully. The other look at her sympathetically. She sits heavily back down.]
Hire a woman, too.
Hire two women.
You can have the one that gives a crap about people.
[seriously] They both do.
Right. Hire Thirteen. [Dr. House nods obediently. Dr. Cuddy starts to walk off. An evil smile forms on Dr. House's face. Dr. Cuddy stops midway to the door, suddenly understanding.] This was your plan all along.
[She turns to him. Dr. House keeps smiling. Dr. Cuddy chuckles.]
Well, at least the games are over.
How long have you known me?
[Dr. Cuddy smiles knowingly. She leaves. House gets off the desk and goes towards the door. He takes a last look at the lecture hall, then turns off the lights and leaves.]
S4 E10It's A Wonderful Lie
There's a reason that everybody lies: it works. It's what allows society to function. It's what separates man from beast.
Oh, I thought that was our thumbs.
You wanna know every place your mom's thumb has been?
I'm sorry, I missed rehearsal, am I taking the "truth is good" side? Don't you usually take that part?
Lies are a tool - they can be used either for good or - no, wait, I've got a better one: Lies are like children: hard work, but they're worth it because the future depends on them.
You're so full of love... or something.
These quotes come from Wikiquote's House pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.