Robert Chase quotes from House

Dr. House

What's the largest organ?

Dr. Chase

Skin.

Dr. House

We need to get a piece.

Dr. Foreman

Sure, we'll just wait until he leaves his room without his skin, sneak in and take a piece.

Dr. House

Stool sample to check for parasites, blood culture to rule out infection, and ANA for lupus.

Dr. Cameron

Because he screamed?

Dr. Chase

It could also be an environmental reaction... an allergy, dust, weed, pollen, a toxin, something he ate...

Dr. House

Check the house and run a lung ventilation scan... lungs are in the chest too, right?

Dr. Foreman

I had a date last night. She screamed. Should we spend $100,000 testing her?

Dr. House

Of course not... this isn't a veterinary hospital. ZING!

Dr. House

[in a southern accent] Come on in, brothers and sister! Welcome to the house of the Lord!

Dr. Cameron

House, come on, the chapel?

Dr. House

We have been blessed with the miracle of a new symptom. Brother, can you testify as to why this poor child's eyeball rolled back into his head?

Dr. Chase

It's consistent with jimsonweed poisoning -- ocular paralysis.

Dr. Chase

[whispering] I'm sorry.

Dr. House

The wicked shall deceive ye, because they have turned from the Lord and are idiots. His ocular muscle didn't paralyze. It pirouetted.

Dr. Cameron

MS…

Dr. House

It is easier for a wise man to gain access to heaven…

Dr. Cameron

Can you stop that? Just say not MS!

Dr. House

Start treating Jabba for Pickwicken Syndrome. His 96 double Zs are probably putting pressure on his chest and suffocating him.

Dr. Foreman

His CO2 and oxygen stats are normal.

Dr. House

For you and me, what's normal for a hippopotamus? Get a detailed medical history.

Dr. Cameron

From who? He was bought in alone.

Dr. Chase

And I doubt a guy who weighs 600 pounds bothers with annual physicals.

Dr. House

Talk to the neighbors, search the house, let's see what Shamu's been up to besides eating. This conversation is over because I've officially run out of clever things to call the guy.

Dr. Cameron

The weight limit's obviously just an estimation, its not like it can hold 450 pounds fine and it'll instantly collapse at 451.

Dr. Chase

He's not one pound over, he's a 150 pounds over.

Dr. Cameron

I don't care, he still deserves the same standard of care as anyone else.

Dr. Foreman

And you believe the machine will stand on principle?

Dr. Chase

Genetic tests take forever, you can't just keep testing for every inherited condition you think it might be.

Dr. House

Well not me, I'll be leaving early, but you guys can.

Dr. Chase

If you know the diagnosis, why don't you...?

Dr. House

[finishes writing and sits back upright] How are you gonna learn to swim unless I take off your floaties and throw you into shark-infested waters? [licks the envelope]

Dr. Cameron

You can't know what's wrong after a 30 second perusal of his file.

Dr. House

Apparently you can't. Now what's a game without rules? Uhh, no tagbacks, no biting, you get one test each and the clock runs until lunch. [writes something on the envelope, gets up, and goes over to the whiteboard] If I'm right, he'll still be alive. If I'm wrong, this is a very cruel game. [he uses a magnetic paperclip container to hold the envelope in place. On the envelope is written "THE GAME IS A ITCHY FOOT."]

Dr. Cameron

So I'm thinking we should have sex.

Dr. Chase

[confused] That makes sense.

Dr. Cameron

Despite the wisdom of pop songs there's no point in putting our lives on hold until love comes along. We're both healthy and busy people, and we work together so it's convenient.

Dr. Chase

Like microwave pizza?

Dr. Cameron

And of all the people I work with you're the one I'm least likely to fall in love with.

Dr. Chase

Like microwave pizza.

Dr. Cameron

The point here is to make things simpler, not more complicated. Some day there'll be time to get serious about someone. Meanwhile, we've already had sex once and didn't get weird about it, so…

Dr. Chase

I get it, I get it. So, what if I'm offended by your judgment?

Dr. Cameron

Then you're not the man I'm looking for.

Dr. House

[to Dr. Cameron and Dr. Chase] You two shower together?

[together] No!

Dr. House

Double negative - it's a yes.

Dr. Foreman

This is definitely different.

Dr. Chase

It looks almost like...

Dr. Cameron

...he's caring.

Dr. House

Any you guys ever been to the Galapagos?

Dr. Foreman

Was our patient there? Dengue fever, Avian pox, even West Nile.

Dr. House

No, I'm looking for a vacation spot.

Dr. Chase

That mean we get vacation?

Dr. House

How would that differ from your current status?

Dr. Cameron

You're going to do what? Relax?

Dr. House

Visiting family, my uncle's a giant turtle.

Dr. House

Mom's body is like... the intricate German metro system. All the trains run on time. When she gets pregnant, it's like... a new station opening in Düsseldorf. A bunch of rookies running things, bound to be mistakes. Kids play on the tracks and get electrocuted, and before you know it, trains are backed up all the way to Berlin and you got a bunch of angry Germans with nowhere to go. And we all know that ain't good for the Jews.

Dr. Chase

Who are the Jews in this metaphor?

Dr. Foreman

[Disgusted] You're happy about this.

Dr. Cameron

She's going to die!

Dr. House

That's not my fault, she was going to die anyway. Now, thanks to me, at least she'll know why.

Dr. Chase

I'm sure you'll see that gratitude in her eyes when you tell her.

Dr. Chase

Your head still hurt?

You a moron?

Nate!

I'm clutching my head in pain and he asks if it hurts. [Turns to Dr. Chase] What are you, some kind of med student? You look like you still have themed birthday parties.

[he looks at Dr. Chase and chuckles] Hey! Hey, it's Skippy! The Bush Kangaroo!

Dr. Chase

Your head, Nate, we need to know how the pain is.

What I got here... it's the opposite of pain.