Eric Foreman quotes from House

Foreman

You plan on doing any work today?

House

I thought I might do a little light doctoring in the afternoon.

It's a black hole.

Foreman

She's hallucinating.

Taub

I certainly hope so.

Thirteen

What are you thinking?

About Nick playing baseball.

Taub

Holy crap!

Chase

That's amazing.

Foreman

Yeah. Now all we have to do is read her subconscious and hope that it's completely rational and went to med school.

Chase

Does anything get you excited?

Foreman

[Looking at complaints filed against House] Damn it, they're all named Lisa Cuddy.

Taub

He's not even here and he's screwing with us. Where's the joy in that?

Foreman

...You really want to get into his head?

Taub

Yeah, but I decided against stabbing myself in the leg, or getting addicted to pain pills.

Foreman

You can, uh, skip the stabbing. [pulls out a bottle of pain pills]

Foreman

All it takes is one bad eyeball.

Thirteen

Or testicle, cow brain or my personal favorite, [looks at Chase eating] pig rectum with a side order of sphincter.

Taub

I think they call that breakfast in Australia.

Foreman

You can't blame yourself for her death. This wasn't your fault!

House

THAT'S THE POINT!! I did everything right, she died anyway! Why the hell do you think that would make me feel any better?!

Foreman

You shouldn't be alone right now. You're bleeding.

House

I'm gonna give you a task as an employee. Get out of my way.

Foreman

So we're taking this case because you are a fan?

House

No, that would be crazy and unprofessional. You're taking this case because I said so.

House

We need to make her cooperate. We have to offer her something she wants.

Foreman

She wants to kill herself, House.

House

...I can work with that.

Chase

[to Foreman] So who gives a crap if I prepped her?

Foreman

Uh, House. And that's just off the top of my head.

Chase

Why are you doing this? You trying to make me look bad so you look better… or you don't like her, or you're angry at me? What?

Foreman

We hire someone unqualified, it's just dead weight we'll all be pulling. Me especially.

Chase

You especially why?

Foreman

What do you mean why? Because I'm...

Chase

You're what? You're my boss or something?

Foreman

Something like.

Chase

So that's what it is. You're angry that House gave me the chance to hire someone because you still think you're at a different level to everyone else. That's just pathetic.

Foreman

I am at a different level.

Chase

Which is reflected in what, exactly? Your title? No. Your salary? Not really. Your responsibilities? Hardly. Your attitude? Ah. I think we finally found it.

Foreman

It doesn't change the fact that you made a bad decision because you want to get laid.

Chase

Or the fact that you're courageously picking on Kelly because you're scared to take on House. Congratulations. You're a real leader.

House

You know what, I'm back to the Cameron theory. That you hired the dumb version of Cameron so that you could fire her and get revenge.

Foreman

Give her a break.

House

Oh, you've switched sides? Let me guess, Chase represents the dumb version of Thirteen…

Foreman

I realized if we all just keep pressuring Kelly, of course she's gonna get stuff wrong. It's irresponsible of me to let that happen.

House

You are a true leader of men.

House

Black guy campaigning for the opposition? Does Obama know about this?

Dr. Foreman

I tried calling him on the brotha hotline. He didn't pick up.

House

Why aren't you guys in my office?

Foreman

Why are you in the building? It's 8:00 in the morning.

House

Where's Chase?

Taub

He's not here because it's 8:00 in the morning.

Foreman

House, where are you?

House

Playground. Great place to meet chicks. Their moms too.

[whispers] Is no one going to tell me.. [House shushes her as he watches television] Why we're in the morgue?

Chase

House is on the lam from someone. Taub's got his money on Wilson, but I'm pretty sure it's Cuddy.

Foreman

Fool's bet. There's a whole world of angry patients, creditors…

Taub

Am I a horrible person? I used to win awards for volunteer work. I went to Guatemala and fixed cleft palates. Now we're sitting back letting Chase do our dirty work.

Foreman

We're doing the right thing. Stay out of it.

Taub

I don't know. I don't know about anything anymore. Then this thing with the kid, Rachel's brother...

Foreman

Stay out of that too. A: radiologists — experts, unlike you — said no bleed. B: you yourself said it's probably not. C: you've got no doctor-patient relationship. D: you'll lose your consulting job. E: your ex will kill you. F: I'm running out of alphabet here.