“Carrot or Stick” quotes from House

[about Driscoll] Military history. In suspiciously good shape for his age. Makes a living bullying kids. I'm thinking… steroids?

House

Fascinating.

[smiles] Thanks. We can wean him off...

House

Steroids isn't fascinating, it's moronic. There's no other sign of hormonal imbalance. What's fascinating is that you equate discipline with bullying. Which means that your parents either disciplined you too much or too little. I'm guessing too little.

Foreman

[about Masters] She's brilliant, but new to the real world.

House

How do you cheat on a test when there's no test?

Wilson

Sorry, not playing. [gets up, grabs his lab coat, and leaves his office with House following behind him.] Go away, House. [puts on his lab coat while walking] I am not giving you advice just so you can distort it to suit your own warped world view.

House

But it's been working so well. Cuddy wants to get Rachel into Waldenwood Preschool. The problem is, Rachel's dumber than a paste sandwich.

Wilson

And her not getting in bothers you. You care about Rachel. That was not advice.

House

Cuddy cares about her. Which means When Rachel gets rejected, Cuddy will be upset. And as the boyfriend, I will be expected to be supportive, consoling...

Wilson

Not your strengths, I grant you. Leave it alone. It's just a play date. It'll be fine.

House

Play date being their code for way to weed out the paste sandwiches. They'll hand her puzzles and counting games, and Rachel will just sit there and eat the pieces. [gets an idea and turns & walks off]

Wilson

Oh, crap! Crap! I'm such a sucker!

Foreman

House, where are you?

House

Playground. Great place to meet chicks. Their moms too.

Chase

Everywhere you looked, gingham and stuffed animals.

Taub

How did you get out of there?

Chase

I didn't… right away. Wasn't anything wrong with her physically.

Taub

One down, two members of the threesome to go. You should flip a condom to choose.