Eric Foreman quotes from House

Dr. Foreman

His liver's actually improving. We plug one hole and end up poking another.

Dr. House

Are we talking about the patient, or how to get a raise from Cuddy?

Dr. Cameron

We were treating him for Wagner's and everything went wrong.

Dr. House

Not everything.

Dr. Foreman

Yeah, it was a very lovely day outside. On the other hand, the treatment made him worse.

Dr. House

What's your name?

Hannah Morganthal.

Dr. House

You have CIPA, Hannah Morganthal.

No, I don't.

Dr. House

We have to do x-rays to make sure you don't have internal injuries. Blood tests to make sure no infections. EEG for neurological anomalies. And... biopsy a spinal nerve.

Dr. Foreman

Whoa whoa whoa. Congenital insensitivity to pain is one of the rarest conditions on the planet. There's only been about... sixty documented cases —

Dr. House

Yeah, and I have... seven reasons to think that she's one of them.

Dr. Foreman

She says she's not.

Dr. House

That's reason number one. She knew what it was without us telling her. Two, she's still wet from the snow, but she's not shivering. That's odd. Unless she can't sweat or feel hot and cold.

The ambulance was warm. I want to see my mother.

Dr. House

Three, scarring around the lips and tongue. When she was a baby, she would chew on herself without feeling it.

I fell through a window when I was a kid.

Dr. House

Four, when you cleaned the wound, she flexed into the cleaner instead of away from it. It's hard to fake pain when you've never felt it. Takes an imaginative leap, Ms. Morganthal. That's one of them Jew names. Ashkenazis are a higher risk group.

Dr. Foreman

On the other hand, she says she doesn't have it. And she'd be dead by now if she'd never been diagnosed.

Dr. House

They killed our Lord. You gonna trust them? She wants to see her mom. If she admits having CIPA, she knows we're not letting her go anywhere without a battery of tests.

Dr. Foreman

You said you had seven reasons.

Dr. House

I pulled a number out of the air. What, five isn't enough?

Dr. Foreman

Five lame reasons aren't. [turns away] I'm taking her to see her mom as soon as —

Dr. House

I can hit her again if six isn't enough.

Dr. Foreman

It's gotta be 25 feet long.

Dr. House

Dammit, world record's over 60.

Dr. Foreman

This is definitely different.

Dr. Chase

It looks almost like...

Dr. Cameron

...he's caring.

Dr. House

Any you guys ever been to the Galapagos?

Dr. Foreman

Was our patient there? Dengue fever, Avian pox, even West Nile.

Dr. House

No, I'm looking for a vacation spot.

Dr. Chase

That mean we get vacation?

Dr. House

How would that differ from your current status?

Dr. Cameron

You're going to do what? Relax?

Dr. House

Visiting family, my uncle's a giant turtle.

Dr. Foreman

[Disgusted] You're happy about this.

Dr. Cameron

She's going to die!

Dr. House

That's not my fault, she was going to die anyway. Now, thanks to me, at least she'll know why.

Dr. Chase

I'm sure you'll see that gratitude in her eyes when you tell her.

Dr. House

I decided you're right. You're obviously in an impossible position. There's no point in me humiliating you.

Dr. Foreman

Thanks.

Dr. House

... so I'm gonna humiliate Cuddy - until she fires you.

Dr. Foreman

The guy's faking. It's Munchausen's. You noticed the EMT runsheet? The paramedic who brought him in is also named Martin Harris.

Dr. House

Well, if the name was Atilla von Wienerschnitzel, I'd say you might be onto something.

Dr. Foreman

Giovannini's?

Dr. House

Do you know another mirror syndrome?

Dr. Cuddy

Hi. I'm the Dean of Medicine.

Dr. House

Hi. I'm the guy who saved your life.

Dr. Wilson

[observing outside with Dr. Foreman] So what if it's House?

Dr. Foreman

Then I take the job at Mount Zion.

Dr. Wilson

There is no job at Mount Zion.

Dr. Foreman

House said...

Dr. Wilson

Well, if House said it, it must be true.

Dr. Cuddy

I can fire him. I can fire him now. I can fire him tomorrow. I don't even need a re-

Dr. House

She doesn't fire me. She never WILL fire me. She needs me -

Dr. Cuddy

He's a good doctor, that's all. I respect his expertise and I -

Dr. House

She's hot for me.

Shut up.

Dr. Cuddy

Well, that could have been either of us.

You have great ya-boos.

Dr. Cuddy

[Trying] Still could have been either of us.

Dr. House

[Smiles] You lose. [Starts victory dance]

Dr. Cuddy

Seriously, I have always thought my breasts were one of my best features.

Dr. Foreman

[seeing House doing his victory dance from outside the room] Damn.

Dr. Cameron

When - when you were dying, you tried to infect me, because you knew I'd fight for you if I thought I was dying, too.

Dr. Foreman

You're bringing this up now so I'll forgive you for messing with my patient?

Dr. Cameron

I'm happy I changed jobs. But, I know I'll never have that sort of... excitement.

Dr. Foreman

You miss people trying to kill you?

Dr. Cameron

No, I miss people doing whatever it takes to get the job done. [slight pause, Foreman nods] I guess that's why I'm having trouble giving it up.

Dr. House

You guys know Wilson's dating Amber?

Dr. Foreman

No.

Dr. Taub

Wilson and Amber?!

I knew. [Dr. House looks shocked] I asked her out. Said she just started seeing someone.

Thirteen

Cultures were negative for UTIs, no signs of previous trauma or STDs.

Dr. House

Kidney cancer.

Thirteen

CT was clear for tumors and kidney stones.

Dr. House

I thought Amber scared you guys.

She does, but she also has legs that go all the way up to Canada.

Dr. House

So do Canadians, doesn't mean that I want to date one.

Foreman

We need to remove the eye.

House

It's her only working eye.

Foreman

We could remove the other one, but since it's not killing her, I thought this way was less insane.

House

People interest me, conversations don't.

Foreman

Because conversations go both ways.

Like Thirteen.

But not every teenager is having sex.

Foreman

But every teenager is stupid.