Robert E. Hogan quotes from Hogan's Heroes

Hogan

If only we could knock (the guns) out.

Carter

Hey! Maybe hand grenades could do some damage!

Newkirk

They're 15 miles from here, at least.

Kinchloe

Well, I'll warm up my pitching arm....

Hogan

If only we could... Lebeau.

Lebeau

Did I volunteer for something again?

Hogan

What are the forgery boys working on?

Kinchloe

Raffle tickets. We've been selling them to the Krauts.

Hogan

Raffle tickets?

Newkirk

They're for an all-expenses-paid trip to New Orleans in time for Mardi Gras. It's for after the war.

Hogan

You know that picture of George Washington crossing the Delaware?

Klink

Yes, I'm familiar with that picture.

Hogan

This ain't it.

Hogan:

LeBeau, how are you on pizza?

LeBeau:

Pizza?! You would ask a Frenchman to cook a piece of cardboard with tomato sauce?

Hogan:

We swear not to tell anybody.

LeBeau

Ask me to dig a tunnel, yes. To climb a barbed wire, yes. But to make a pizza, no.

Hogan

We all have to make sacrifices.

Klink

Let me remind you, Colonel Hogan, that the Italians are on our side.

Hogan

Don't remind me, remind them.

Klink

Major Bonuccelli of the Italian Army.

Hogan

Always nice to meet one of our allies.

Klink

He's OUR ally.

Hogan

I keep forgetting.

Hogan

I think we can get to Bonuccelli.

Lebeau

How are you going to do that?

Hogan

Work on his weaknesses.

Newkirk

Italians are very sentimental.

Carter

And they love music.

Kinchloe

Anybody know the words to Santa Lucia?

You want to get through to Garlotti's Pizzeria in Newark?

Hogan

That's right.

May I ask what for?

Hogan

We'd like to make reservations for tonight. There'll be 103 at 7:00.

Would you like us to send you a couple of bottles of red wine?

Hogan

No, we already took care of that.

The pizza smells like the kind Mama used to make.

Hogan

One of the biggest regrets of my life was not being shot down over Italy.

Newkirk

I'll bet even the Germans eat a lot of pizza in Capezio, blimey?

Yes, they do! ... Yes, they do.

Hogan

Off-hand, how many pizzas do the Germans eat, figuring 2 pizzas a German?

That's a secret... 2 pizzas, one German? 106,000.

Hogan

106,000? (Thinks)

Just divide by 2.

I could be shot for being a spy.

Newkirk

You're not really a spy, you'd be in uniform.

In uniform, they'd shoot me for being a traitor. Please, not while I'm eating.

Hogan

Just think what you'd be doing for your country. It could help shorten the war in Italy.

It could also shorten my life.

Hogan

I'll make you a big hero in Germany.

I'd rather be a little coward in Switzerland.

Schultz

Colonel Hogan! I'm too old to parachute-jump!

Hogan

Never too old, Schultz. Come on.

Schultz

Colonel Hogan! I'm too big to parachute-jump!

Hogan

Now there you have a point.

Hogan

Let's face it Klink, you blew the ball game!

Klink

You're right Hogan, I blew it.

Hogan

Sweetest setup in the whole German Army, and you wanted to be a general!

Klink

Hogan, every man in my class has made general!

Hogan

How many have been killed in action?

Klink

Quite a few.

Hogan

How many have been shot by the Führer?

Klink

Quite a few more.