Ivan Vasilyevich (Froggo): I'm tsar. Behold me!
The Terrible Tudors
Unfortunately...[He is interrupted by Big Fat Baby falling off a barrel.]...this transition from superstition to science was a slow one.
BFBig Fat Baby
(off-screen) AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH!!!
TTeacher
OK class, you have three apples and then you pick two more. What do ya have?
A bunch of stuff.
TTeacher
Uh, close enough. Ok, what do you have if I take away three?
Not so much stuff.
TTeacher
Uh, close enough.
In 1489, the plus and minus signs first came into use.
[holding up a paper graded with an F-] You know, I wish I could go back to the good old days.
Listen, Ive, now that you're tsar, you need to add a "the" to your name.
IVIvan Vasilyevich (Froggo)
Huh?
You know, like Attila the Hun, William the Conqueror? I've got a list of suggestions for you, compiled by our oppreresive despot search department!
IVIvan Vasilyevich
Go on.
OK, how about Ivan the Icky?
IVIvan Vasilyevich
WHAT?! No!
I agree, very bad. OK, here's a good one - Ivan the Disagreeable! I like that one. It says you're mean but you can still be reasoned with.
IVIvan Vasilyevich
Absolutely not!
Ivan the Finicky?
IVIvan Vasilyevich
No!
Ivan the Colicky?
IVIvan Vasilyevich
No!
Okay let's see, what else, what else? Ah! Ooh, this is you! You're gonna love this one, Ivey baby - Ivan the Naughty!
IVIvan Vasilyevich
GET OUT! GET OUT! Aaaaaaah!
Ivan, you're terrible!
IVIvan Vasilyevich
That's it!
Faboo! I knew we could work something out, Ivan, the Terrible! Can I just call you "Bl" for short?
IVIvan Vasilyevich
NO! [kicks Chit out] Guards, off with his head!
In 1492, Columbus sailed the ocean blue, and to commemorate his historic journey, each year we celebrate Columbus Day with big parades and shamrocks and leprechauns and people wearin' green clothes!
That's St. Patrick's Day! All my day is famous for is the half-off men's underwear sale.
The Wheel of History
The year, 245 BC. The place, Syracuse, Sicily. The scientist, Archimedes, Greek mathematician known as the father of geometry.
GGeometry (Pule Houser)
Hi pop, I'm home.
Archimedes (Chit Chatterson): Geometry son, what happened?
GGeometry
Well, my classmates beat me up again!
AArchimedes
It's sad. A lot of kids seem to hate Geometry!
AArchimedes
[regarding his son Geometry being constantly beaten up] Ooooh, poor kid! I should've listened to his mother and named him Recess!
When Time Collides
JMJenny McCarthy
Next up is Frederich Nietchze, who philisophized about the ideal individual being liberated from traditional values. He called his creation the Ubernietchze, or Superman.
FNFrederich Nietchze
[sitting next to Superman] I created him, but Varner Brothers controls the licensing rights! I DON'T GET A DIME!!
Around the World in a Daze
Note to self: Never again hire anyone from Cabin Crews R Us.
CCChistopher Columbus
Crow's nest! You see anything?
LEMMIE CHECK! [peers through periscope] OMG!!!
What is it?
GUESS!
Land?
[imitates buzzer] OH, I'M SO SORRY, NO! NOTHING BUT WATER! [face turning red] YOU STARTING TO GET THE PICTURE, CAPTAIN!?
I think the crow's nest needs a little vacae.
Santa Maria! Can't you take that smelly baby somewhere else?!
Well, captain, this is the poopdeck.
Captain Columbus, sir?
Yes, what is it?
We've finished cleaning your maps.
Cleaning my maps?
Yes now!
We wiped off those squiggly red lines that someone drew all over them.
You did WHAT?!!? I drew those lines after spending hours upon hours, calculating our exact course! Now I have no idea where we are! Waaaaaaaaaaah!
What's with him, bro?
I'm not sure, but I think we erased his math homework.
And so it was in 1492 that Christopher Columbus, with a little help from his friends, found America!
Guh! I didn't know it was missing!
Totally excuse us, captain-dude! But it's time for us to clean out your quarters!
And when we're finished, we'll clean out your dimes and nickels.
General Sherman's Campsite
I wanna go on that choo-choo, I wanna go on that choo-choo.
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