CConfucius
Okay that's it there's plenty more about China but we're out of time we'll have to wait until next time for another episode of. Miss Information.
China
Histeria!
Tribute to Tyrants
[regarding Lady Godiva riding through town naked] See it!! See it!! See it!! [swings away] Don't see it!! Don't see it!! Don't see it!! [swings back] See it!! See it!! See it!! (swings away) Don't see it!! Don't see it!! Don't see it!! ...and I don't wanna see it!!
Lord Caesar!! Bad news!! There's a plot against your life!!
JCJulius Caesar
Are you sure?
Yes, Lord Caesar!!
Cleopatra (World's Oldest Woman): Oh, Jules... Mommy needs a little help with the choker!
JCJulius Caesar
Get me my chariot!
Lord Caesar, where are you going?!
JCJulius Caesar
To the Senate, where else?
But the assassins wait for you there!! It could mean certain death!!
JCJulius Caesar
I know, I know, yippee!
What a nut!!
CCleopatra (World's Oldest Woman)
Oh, he's so brave.
Bad news, Lord Anthony!! Octavian's forces have surrounded the city!!
MAMark Anthony
Really?
Yeah, situation stinks!
Cleopatra (World's Oldest Woman): Oh, Anthony honey... You favorite Queen of the Nile needs a back loofah!
MAMark Anthony
Yeah, well, uh, hmm. To the front!
But Lord Anthony, we're outnumbered twenty to one!! The front will mean your certain doom!!
MAMark Anthony
I know, haha, I know. Oh, well. Bottoms up!
He's a nut too!!
The Montezuma Show
MMontezuma
Well I hope you have enjoyed our little trip through Mesoamerica today I'd like to thank all of my guests. But, it seems that cortez and his conquistador cockroaches have runned them off. But no manner, I'll let bygones be bygones because that's just the kind of man I am. And so my friends, I'm Montezuma the great speaker bid you farewell from.
Loud Kiddington's Ancient History
Hey folks, Loud Kiddington here! And just when you thought your Stone Age life couldn't get any better, along comes... the wheel!
It's the biggest thing since the rock!
My dog Fetch here will eat bat guano if I don't sell you a wheel.
Eat what?!
Yes, the wheel! All new for 3002 B.C.!
I'm not eatin' bat guano!
We'll discuss it later.
No we won't!
So come on down to Sumeria and buy a wheel! 'Cause if you don't, my dog Fetch here will eat a big pile of elephant plop!
Say what?!
[singing] Go see Loud, go see Loud, go see Loud!
We'll see you here!
I quit!!
Howdy, Carthaginians! Loud Kiddington here! And if I can't make you a deal, my dog Fetch'll eat a buffalo chip!
Say what?!
Yes sir, it's a giant year-end beast of burden blow-out! Check out these savings! Here's a nifty model - take a test drive on the all-new Lipizzaners!
Wussies!
Or for rugged terrain, try our four-by-four all-weather oxen!
Puny!
Or for something even tougher, we can fix you up with your very own Teamsters!
Disgusting!
Howdy Roman citizens! Loud Kiddington here! And if I can't make you a deal, my dog Fetch'll eat a meadow muffin!
Huh? What's with this kid?
And to our right is the great Cathaginian general Hannibal...
That's Mr. Hannibal to you.
...who is plottin' a surprise invasion on Rome itself.
Would somebody call security?!
It's not snack time! I want your opinion.
Oh, well, I'd lose the hat, dude. It reeks.
No, not my wardrobe! If you were going to invade Rome, which way would you go?
[stares at the map and turns it upside-down] Uh... let's see...
[points to map] It's right here!!
Oh, right, gotcha. Uh... okay, I would go, like, uh... this way?
Of course you would! Because you have the I.Q. of a fence! Which is precisely why we will go through the Alps, and invade from the North instead! Assemble the troops!
Woah, check me out! I'm like, a military strategist. That's pretty cool, huh?
In 218 B.C., Hannibal finally reached the Italian border.
Prepare to meet the wrath of the great Hannibal, you Roman dogs!
[Loud and Fetch suddenly appear in his path.]
It's Loud Kiddington and his dog, Fetch!
Now what?!
Howdy, Hannibal!
Your lease on the elephants is up, and you've exceeded your mileage!
Huh?
That'll be 10,000 dinari!
Payment due!
[laughs] I'm Hannibal! The greatest general the world's ever known! I don't pay bills! Now get out of my way before I turn you into roadkill!
Have it your way! [He claps his hands twice, causing the elephants to sling their riders into the dirt. Loud and the Kid Chorus taunt them from atop an elephant.] So long, deadbeats!
One last question, Cleo. Why do you wear a snake on your head?
Cleopatra (World's Oldest Woman): What?! There's a snake on my head?! Get it off, get if off, get it off, get it off me!!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Histeria! pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.