Poison Ivy quotes from Harley Quinn

Poison Ivy

Golf goes against everything I stand for. Privatizing green space so old men with shrimp cocktail breath can hit their tiny white balls with long hammers.

Poison Ivy

[To Harley] Hey, this is kind of weird for me to say, but your occasional willingness to help people even while blowing the shit out of them, is inspiring to me. Like, tote bag level-inspiring

Poison Ivy

Ugh, look what all those months in Arkham did to my poor babies. And where is that stupid neighbour kid I hired to water them, for fuck's sake?

Frank the Plant

Uh, he quit after a week. Very unprofes-- [retches and regurgitates the kid's digested remains]

Poison Ivy

Really, Frank? What if his parents come to look for him?

Frank the Plant

Unlikely. [hocks up the remains of both parents]

Poison Ivy

Just stopped by to check up on ya, but I see you're doin' great, love the new look, I'm gonna pick up some Thai food, text me what you want, okay?

Harley Quinn

Oh, no, wait! I'll have a green potato curry.

Poison Ivy

Yeah, but I mean-I just-just text it to me.

Harley Quinn

But you're right here.

Poison Ivy

Yeah, but then I'm not going to remember what you want, and you won't like what I get you, and you're gonna want some of mine. Just-just fuckin' text it.

Poison Ivy

Okay, boys. [claps] So, I got the antidote to turn you back into humans, okay? But the only effective way of doing it is when my saliva interacts... [shrugs and sighs] with your saliva.

[grinning] So... is this a kiss?

Poison Ivy

No! It's not a kiss, it is... it is an antidote delivery system, nothing more. You will still be sexless nerds by the time the night is over, okay? [drinks the antidote] And... [kisses the boys one by one, turning them human again] Yep. This is... this is procedural, okay? [Benjamin tries his luck again, carrying a branch] Yeah, I kissed you already, buddy.

Yeah, I'm... I'm still a little bit tree!

Poison Ivy

Ah, fuck off, get outta here.

Harley Quinn

Yeah, fuck off, kid.

Harley Quinn

I need a fucking crew!

Poison Ivy

No, you need a shower.

Dr. Psycho

[Fighting Wonder Woman] OW! That really hurt, you cunt! [Everything, including the Earth itself, comes to a shocked standstill]

Poison Ivy

[Watching the fight on TV] Holy shit!

Harley Quinn

Then they all ran off with that loser Kite Man!

Poison Ivy

Yeah, what a loser that guy is. Did he mention my name?

Harley Quinn

Robin's lying. Why would I fight a kid?! I want a nemesis with some hair on their chest!

Poison Ivy

[snorts in amusement] Well, that rules out Batman. Catwoman says he waxes everything.

Poison Ivy

You can't fuck with Lois Lane, people. What if Superman comes?!

Harley Quinn

Great! Then I'll have the most powerful nemesis in the WORLD!

Poison Ivy

Oh, brother...

Harley Quinn

All right, that's it, enough of this shit. We're killing Robin.

Poison Ivy

Harley! You can't kill him.

Harley Quinn

You don't think I can kill a 12 year old? Oh, okay. Well, I will smash in his face, WITH A BAT, LIKE A WATERMELON!

Poison Ivy

Oh, no, no, I believe you have the ability to kill him. What I'm saying is, if you do it, you validate what everyone's saying. That Robin's your nemesis.

King Shark

Also, you'd be a child killer, which some may argue is worse.

Harley Quinn

Hey, Ive, I think there's something really screwed up about me.

Poison Ivy

I wanna say this in just the most loving way, but there's NO way that this is just occurring to you now.

You think I care about you or your jolly green whore?

Poison Ivy

Okay, I'm standing right here.

I don't have time to give some review. I'm too busy getting cunnilingus from my new boyfriend Brad, who's amazing at it!

Dr. Psycho

[Scoffs] Only weak men do that. [Brad uses his tongue to sculpt a statue from ice cream] Oh, fucking hell!

Poison Ivy

[Impressed] Call me.

Poison Ivy

Quick side bar. How did this [i.e. being married to Giganta] work...sexually?

Dr. Psycho

Not great!

Poison Ivy

I don't understand your obsession with the Legion of Doom. They are actual pieces of shit.

Harley Quinn

Obviously! But those pieces of shit were the only people Joker respected. I'll never match up to him unless I'm in the Legion too.

Poison Ivy

So let me get this straight: you're not over your ex, and you want to throw your success in his face.

Harley Quinn

Exactly!

Poison Ivy

Honestly, that might be the most relatable thing you've ever said.