Burt Hummel quotes from Glee

Hiram

So I said, "Leroy, these guys sold us the wrong lube. That's why the rubber is squeaking, that's why it feels so weird when we're going fast."

LeRoy

Hiram, what are we talking about?

Burt

We're talking cars.

Hiram

Even Patti Lupone herself couldn't talk Rachel out of marrying Finn.

LeRoy

Barbara could.

Hiram

Maybe Barbara.

Burt

Who's Barbara?

Streisand.

Hiram

Here's what we're gonna do. When the Justice of the Peace says "Does anybody here object?"

Burt

Hell yeah! I do!

Hiram

We will all say "we do". [in singsong] With feeling! Burt! You will run interference with Finn! Carole! You will distract the Justice of the Peace with your feminine wiles. [Carole throws her arms up in annoyance] I will hustle Rachel out the side door and into our waiting car where you, Leroy, will drive, I don't drive, straight to Broadway! And if that doesn't start to get our baby girl back on her career track, I don't know what will. Are we agreed?

Burt

Sounds like a plan.

Mercedes

Finn, out! You can't see the bride before the wedding.

Finn

It's okay, I've already seen her.

Tina

But that's bad luck!

Rachel

No, it's fine.

Finn

Rachel, we gotta go or we're going to lose our slot.

Rachel

Can we please wait a couple more minutes for Quinn, please?

Finn

It's now or never.

Rachel

[grabs her phone and texts Quinn again]

Burt

[to Hiram] If you're going to do something, do it fast.

Hiram

New plan. I'm going to fake an epileptic seizure.

LeRoy

You're not an epileptic.

Hiram

That's why I'm going to fake it.

Burt

Hurry up.

Quinn

[peeks at her cellphone which reads 2 messages & texts to Rachel "on my way"]

Blaine

I wanted to formally ask for your permission to ask Kurt to marry me.

Burt

You kidding, or you nuts?

Sam

I'm sorry we let him down.

Let who down? Finn?

Blaine

We just really wanted to win this one for him and for you.

Ryder

We had a plan that we were gonna call you up on stage and give you the trophy to keep.

Kitty

It's not right.

Jake

This is not how the story is supposed to end.

You're right. Oh, it would have burned Finn to have lost to those guys. All we would have heard for months was how the judges had robbed you or how you were so much better than them.

Burt

Yeah, but then he would have stood up, and he would have told you that even though most of you had never been in a show choir before this year. You still stood tall against the best of the best. And you know what, even though Finn didn't have the best voice of the best rhythm or the best throwing arm, he always brought out the best in himself and in others, and the great thing about him is he always managed to find a way to feel like he'd won.

I was really proud of you guys up there. Hearing those songs was so healing for me and who know I saw how much he meant to you. So win or lose, Finn lives in you guys.

Will

Okay guys, let's put this trophy where it belongs.

Artie

A 2nd Place showing is superior to when Finn decided to make out with Rachel on stage, and we ended up in 12th.

Becky

Principal Sue wants to see you Schuester.