Hijikata quotes from Gin Tama

Okita

Speaking of Kondo-san, I haven't seen him around today either. Is he sick or something?

Hijikata

You'll be sick if you keep this up!

Hijikata

[to a car] Hey you, who gave you permission to change direction? Get back here! Don't run away from me!! [draws his sword]

Okita

Well Hijikata-san. Your reach is too short. So let me take care of this one.

Hijikata

Take care of it how?! [Okita blows a hole in the street with his bazooka]

Okita

Oh, you really did it this time.

Hijikata

What do you mean, 'I did it', you invertebrate?! [starts slashing at Okita, who dodges every strike nonchalantly]

Okita

Hijikata-san, can I cut him?

Hijikata

Well, wait a bit. The cameras are rolling so wait until he turns violent.

Hijikata

You! There's vomit on my pants! What're you gonna do about it?

Come on, everyone! Stop Hijikata-san!

Hijikata

You ingrates! Let me go! I'm gonna cut his fucking heart out and eat it while it's still bleeding!

Help us hold him down! The camera's rolling! Come on, don't shoot this! [one covers the camera]

Shinsengumi Vice-Commander Hijikata Toushirou. Even after his shift, he walks the city, protecting it alone. What could he be looking at now?

Hijikata

What's all the fuss here?

Well, I guess these guys here had a duel over a woman.

Hijikata

Dueling over a woman? How dumb. What kinda idiot..eh? Commander Kondo?

Commander Kondo? Him? That's the commander of the Shinsengumi, Kondo Isao-san?

Hijikata

What the heck are you looking at, dumbasses?

And so, through the bravery of the Shinsengumi, Edo's peace is once again protected. [pause] Really??

Third year, class Z, Ginpachi sensei!

Gintoki

All right, take out your textbooks. Today, Shimura's [Otae] recorder was stolen. The culprit may be in another class, but then it'd be hard to find, so I decided to look for it in this class. Whoever stole it, raise your hand. It's fine if it's a lie. If you admit it, I'll let you off with just playing one line of 'Give me Wings' on it.

Hijikata

Sensei! If we do that, we'll be ruined musically for the rest of our lives! Please, if you must have us play, make it be the famous fight song 'Bring it On.'

Gintoki

All right then, play the fight son 'Bring it On.'

Hasegawa

Hey, sensei, I don't get it...wait, that's not even a song.

Gintoki

All right, fine. I'll play it. Someone lend me their recorder.

Hijikata

There’s no way Kondo-san lost. Who’s been spreading that ridiculous rumor?

Captain Okita! He broadcast it over the loudspeaker.

Okita

I heard it from Hijikata-san.

Hijikata

I suppose I shouldn’t have told him…

Hijikata

Doubting your commander’s word is a crime punishable by death at my hands. Yamazaki, you’re first.

Yamazaki

But I didn’t say anything!

Hijikata

But you’re talking now, aren’t you, you sanctimonious troglodyte!

Hijikata

I’ll take care of him before this gets any bigger.

Okita

If you do it yourself, there’ll be trouble. The government’s not supposed to assassinate people…

Hijikata

It’s not an assassination. I’m going to fight him fair and square.

Okita

But if you find a silver-headed samurai and bring him to HQ, I think the others will be satisfied. How about this guy? [picks an old guy] Come on, hold your wooden sword…

Hijikata

Hey old man, use that to knock some sense into him, would you?

Okita

Well, Hijikata-san, he might not look like much, but if you take his glasses off…see, he’s like Musashi! [famous swordsman]

Hijikata

Why does he get to look so cool?

Hijikata

Give it up!

Did you want something?

Yamazaki

That’s…a strapped-for-cash samurai…

Okita

Let’s go home. My show’s about to start.

Hijikata

When did they change the schedule? I thought the drama reruns started at 4…

Okita

Is that right? Well, the drama seems like it’ll end happily…

Hijikata

That’s what you think. [thinking] You’re all smiley and giggly. Your inner calm is disrupted.

Okita

Oh, really?

Hijikata

It’s thanks to him [Kondo] that we Shinsengumi can walk the streets, heads held high. We chose to follow him. Isn’t that right, Sougou?

Okita

[to a tiny dog] Now go, Sadamaru no. 3! Your target is that guy’s ass!

Hijikata

Hey, are you even listening to me?!

Gintoki

Hey, watch out, man.

Hijikata

You could’ve killed me!

Gintoki

Well, I told you to look out…

Hijikata

You practically mumbled it!

Gintoki

Keep it down. I don’t need any more tension on this job, especially from the likes of you.

Okita

He’s gone. What should we do, Oogushi-kun?

Hijikata

Who are you calling Oogushi-kun? I completely forgot about him in three short weeks…

Okita

Well, he’s a forgettable guy.

Gintoki

Hey, you’re that gorilla’s friend? [looks at the sword Hijikata has given him] But hey, what’s up with this thing? [Hijikata sends him flying over the roof] What are you doing?

Hijikata

He may be a gorilla, but to us he’s our precious commander!