Shinpachi quotes from Gin Tama

Gintoki

Didn’t you say you were good with machines?

Shinpachi

N-no way! This is all your fault, Kagura-chan, so you should do something about this!

Kagura

S-someone said that naturally wavy hair could stop a bomb!

Gintoki

B-bet you could do it, Shinpachi!

Shinpachi

I-it’s too bad, but no!

Kagura

O-over and over!

Gintoki

R-ready for launch!

Shinpachi

H-hot potato!

Kagura

O-oh no! You better take it!

Gintoki

T-thanks, but you’re the bomber!

Shinpachi

R-right back at ya!

Kagura

A-adrian!

Gintoki

Hey, who the hell is Adrian?! I mean, it’s not an uncommon name, but…huh? Ah! There’re only 10 seconds left!

Hijikata

Sensei? I don’t think you’re supposed to smoke in class.

Gintoki

This isn’t a cigarette. It’s just a lollipop.

Hijikata

Lollipops don’t make any smoke.

Gintoki

No, that’s just cuz it’s so lollied. [takes out the lollipop] All right, we’ll continue tomorrow. I hope you took notes. That’s all.

Shinpachi

I’m getting out of here.

Did you think you’d get off if you just kept denying it? There’s no way.

Shinpachi

Shut up, you useless piece of crap! We explained it all to you idiot, so just shut the hell up and let us outta here! We’ve gotta go somewhere!!

Kagura

Violent four-eyes.

Gintoki

Come on, quit acting like that.

Shinpachi

[outside the police office] I got us off.

Gintoki

Or rather, you threatened them until they let us go.

Kagura

Well, it’s not that unusual for someone who’s normally timid to go crazy under pressure.

Gintoki

Well whatever. I’m going to take a piss over here.

Kagura

And I’m gonna take a puke.

Shinpachi

Hey, we’re on TV here! Stop it! Come on, they’ll never leave us alone if we deface their station. I’m going home. Come right back, you stupid idiots!

Gintoki

Oh come on. We can’t have a comedic anime without the straight man. All right then, I’ll have to fill in for him…hey, are you really puking?!

Shinpachi

Kagura-chan!

Kagura

This is the fourth time I’ve rescued you this month.

Amanto

What are you doing?

Gintoki

[imitating Otsuu’s end of sentences] That’s my line..backer!

Shinpachi

Gin-san!

Amanto

[imitating Gintoki] Get out of my way..ward soul!

Gintoki

I’m gonna have to cut you to shred..ded beef buffet!

Gintoki

[voiceover] In the age of the kabuki show, the good looking man treads a fine legal line. But there are two men who still possess the fantastic hair and tight buttocks that ladies love: the mysterious beggar, Sakata Kintoki, and the number one variety show host, Ketsuago Shinpachi. Now, with a female, Chinese mafia don as their goal, they transverse the dark, stained city. The new show, Kintama, starts next week!

Shinpachi

Hey, I’m not gonna do that kind of show!

Shinpachi

[voiceover] The Land of the Samurai. It’s been a quite a while since our country has been called that. Twenty years ago, a race called the amantos…

Gintoki

[voiceover] Gosh, enough with that stupid introduction.

Kagura

[voiceover] Just stop it.

Shinpachi

But there might be people who are just coming in…

Gintoki

It’s ok. They wouldn’t get it, even with your explanation. Just let them pick it up as they go along.

Kagura

Yeah, if they want to learn it, they’ll lick it up.

Shinpachi

Why the hell would they lick it?

Gintoki

Shinpachi?

Shinpachi

Yes?

Gintoki

Do you have a girlfriend?

Shinpachi

What’s with this all of a sudden?

Gintoki

How would you like to date an older woman. Otose, that is.

Shinpachi

Why would I date her? Who the hell do you think I am?

Shinpachi

He’s [Hasegawa] a real big shot…

Kagura

What’s that? Big dong?

Gintoki

Yeah. He’s a huge dong.

Shinpachi

No, that’s not it exactly…but Kagura-chan, it’s not good for a girl to say that kind of thing…[whispering] What could a big shot from the Shogunate possibly want with us?

Gintoki

[loudly to Hasegawa in the front seat] So what do you want with us, my man?

Pace is like family to me!

Gintoki

Then you go look for him, stupid princeling!

Hasegawa

Shut up! He may be an idiot, but he’s still a prince!

Kagura

A strong woman would forget about past relationships and prepare herself for a new love.

Hasegawa

I didn’t get dumped, and I’m not a woman! I’m saying he’s a prince! A prince!!

Shinpachi

I see, he’s a prince because he’s an idiot.

Hasegawa

No, he’s a prince even though he’s an idiot.

Kagura

I see, He’s an idiot even though he’s a prince.

Gintoki

So he’s an idiotic prince.

Hasegawa

No, retard, he’s a prince even though he’s an idiot.

Come on, cretins! Don’t call the idiot an idiotic prince! You’ll hurt his feelings!

You’re calling me an idiot too?

Shinpachi

Octopi in pots? Why don’t we put one of those out for a while and wait?

Gintoki

What are you, some kind of shy high schooler? Both in love and octopus hunting, you have to take the initiative!

There she is!

Shinpachi

Close, but no cigar!

Gintoki

Well the eyes look similar, but you think we can fool him?

Kagura

It’s possible!

Shinpachi

Oh, shut up! She’s a person!

Hey, are you all making fun of me?

Gintoki

Not at all. From today onwards, you’re Pace [the pet’s name].

My name’s Vanessa.

Kagura

Fine then. Your name’s Vanessa Pace.

Gintoki

Listen up. This thing we’re chasing is as delicate as fine china. Don’t startle it!

Kagura

Yeah, it’s as delicate as a teenager’s heart. The adults don’t understand it at all…

Shinpachi

Gin-san, we searched all over just to end up in this octopus pot?

Gintoki

Octopus like to get into pots…

Kagura

You can’t usually get put into a pot until you die.

Shinpachi

That’s an urn…but hey, Gin-san, isn’t this what I suggested in the first place?

Gintoki

No, it’s way different. After all this searching, I figured we deserved a little rest.

Shinpachi

You’re just too lazy to look properly!

Kagura

If this all there is to men, it’s a wonder that any woman is ever attracted to them…

Gintoki

Don’t worry, when it comes to women and octopi, they’ll eventually return to you, tails between their legs…

Kagura

Women don’t have tails.

Gintoki

Neither do octopi!

Shinpachi

What the hell are you guys on?!