Shinpachi quotes from Gin Tama

Shinpachi

Aaaaah! We squashed it!

Gintoki

[looking inside of a vending machine slot]C-c-come on, we just have to calm down and try to find a t-t-time machine.

Shinpachi

You calm down! The time machine again?!

Shinpachi

Hey Gin-san, why is this manga called Gintama? I mean, you have to practically buy a special volume just to find out why it’s named this way!

Gintoki

Well see, it’s kinda formulated so high-school girls across the country can say, ‘Hey, did you see this week’s Gintama?’ So we rely on stuff like that to reach our goals. One might say that we’re systematically taking over the country, but it seems to be a horrific failure.

Shinpachi

Well I suppose that’s so, but hey, Kagura-chan, what have you been eating over there, all this time?

Kagura

[eating a dumpling as big as her] Takoyaki!

Otae

He was so insistent, I got a little carried away, and gave it to him straight in the face, and he ran off.

Shinpachi

Is that so? I wanted to see what kind of a guy he was...

Kondo

[up a telephone pole] Otae-san! Otae-saaaaaaaaan! Marry Meeeeee! I won't give up after being turned down once or twice! Woman want to be loved more than they want to love!! My mom told me so!

Hey! What are you doing so early in the morning? You're bothering the neighborhood! Get down here, you bastard!

Kondo

Please officer, calm down. I'm...I'm a thief, yes, but a thief...of love!

Otae

Ok.

Shinpachi

Well, my sister's omelets are more like briquettes than anything else...

Gintoki

[looking out at the audience] How long has it been since this episode started? It took you so long to get to me! I'm the main character! Isn't it ridiculous that I don't appear?!

[timing Kagura] 12 minutes, 5 seconds.

Gintoki

This is Gintama, right? Hey? What? Huh? Right? If it were just Tama it'd be a flop! If I'm not in it, why is it Gintama?

Shinpachi

Well, today's episode is called: 'Exposé! 24 hours in the lives of the out-of-control Shinsengumi!!'

Gintoki

What's up with that?! I didn't hear about this!!

Shinpachi

Don't complain, Gin-san. At this rate, the Shinsengumi may actually become the main characters.

Gintoki

Seriously?!! That's right, they didn't show the Gintama opening song today! That was a close call. [smashes his face into the camera] This is Gintama! And I'm the main character!!!

Gintoki

If you wanna hire me, you pay up front.

Shinpachi

Gin-san, I haven't been paid in 2 months, so if anyone's going to pay it's you.

Gintoki

Well, someone's gonna have to.

Shinpachi

[whispering] Come on, you've got to get going, or you'll be replaced [as a main character].

Gintoki

Come out, knave! Where are you, stalker? I'll rain judgment down upon you!

Otae

We've already done this and that together, so give up on me.

Kondo

This, that, and the other thing??

Shinpachi

Well, they haven't done that other thing...

Kagura

Don't worry. If Gin-chan gets in trouble [cocks umbrella] I'll let him [Kondo] have it with my umbrella!

Shinpachi

Just don't kill him.

Kagura

Snacks? Crackers, anyone?

Shinpachi

Anyone want some cola?

Gintoki

All right then. Let's go you guys...

Kagura

[strangling Gintoki from behind] I misjudged you! I thought you were an honorable samurai!

Shinpachi

[kicking Gintoki] Are you proud of yourself, you damn dirty cheat?!

Gintoki

Come on, I protected your sister. Don't be like..

Kagura

I'm going home. Don't ever show your face to me again!

Shinpachi

I'm taking a leave of absence!

Otae

Painless, eh? Well, it looks like Gin-san's the one in the most pain, in the end...

Gintoki

This is really the worst pain ever...

Kondo

Cut it out, girls! Our teacher is trying his best to find out who did this! Sensei, use mine! Even if you get your spit on it, I have two!

Gintoki

[slightly menacing] Why do you have two of them...

Kondo

Wait, please. Just a minu...Ahhhh! It's so out of tuuuuune!

Shinpachi

[over Gintoki playing Kondo's recorder] Sensei, may I go to the nurse's office?

Gintoki

Oi, oi, oi, oi, oi! You’re not here to challenge me, are you? That’s not just stupid, but arrogant too. I burp at your insolence. [burps]

Kagura

If you’re gonna do it, give it your all. Burp so hard that you may never be able to burp again! [burps]

Shinpachi

I’m not so soft as to be defeated by such a pitiful enemy. This contest isn’t about burping as much as the will to burp. [burps]

Quit your burping and get on with it!

Shinpachi

[voiceover] Hello everyone. I’m Shimura Shinpachi. The leaves have come in since we last met, haven’t they? By the way, there’s actually a long story behind our glaring at each other like this.

Kagura

[voiceover] All right, I’m next. Well everyone, the battle to decide the fate of the universe is finally underway! I don’t know the details, but it really comes as a surprise!

Gintoki

What the heck is this? I can hear what you’re thinking! Do you hope to get sympathy by feigning insanity?

Shinpachi

[voiceover] Leave me alone. This is a part of my plan.

Kagura

[voiceover] Feigning insanity? How rude. I’m not feigning anything!

Gintoki

[voiceover] This anime is already hard enough for kids to understand. If you keep this up, we’ll lose our time slot! So Gintoki screamed in his mind…

Shinpachi

[voiceover] Screamed? Hey, don’t copy me, Gin-san.

Gintoki

[voiceover] Cretin. Do you think such tomfoolery will affect me?

Shinpachi

What are you doing, Kagura-chan? This is rock, paper, scissors! You don’t hit anyone!

Kagura

The first blow decides the match!

Shinpachi

But it’s rock, paper, scissors!

Gintoki

[getting up] Fine then. If you’re willing to go at it, then so am I! [draws his bokuto]

Shinpachi

I’m telling you, it’s rock, paper, scissors!!