Gintoki quotes from Gin Tama

Gintoki

Shinpachi?

Shinpachi

Yes?

Gintoki

Do you have a girlfriend?

Shinpachi

What’s with this all of a sudden?

Gintoki

How would you like to date an older woman. Otose, that is.

Shinpachi

Why would I date her? Who the hell do you think I am?

Gintoki

Sorry, I mistook you. Let’s start over. [turns and walks into the house]

Hasegawa

Wait…[points a gun at the back of Gintoki’s head] You’re that yorozuya, aren’t you? You’re coming with us.

Gintoki

Sorry, but mommy always told me to never go with strangers.

Hasegawa

And didn’t she ever tell you to do what officers of the law ask?

Shinpachi

He’s [Hasegawa] a real big shot…

Kagura

What’s that? Big dong?

Gintoki

Yeah. He’s a huge dong.

Shinpachi

No, that’s not it exactly…but Kagura-chan, it’s not good for a girl to say that kind of thing…[whispering] What could a big shot from the Shogunate possibly want with us?

Gintoki

[loudly to Hasegawa in the front seat] So what do you want with us, my man?

Gintoki

Come on…I swear, I’ll kick you to next week, bald patch!

Kagura

Soul patch!

Fine! I’m fine with being a bald patch and a soul patch, but please!

Pace is like family to me!

Gintoki

Then you go look for him, stupid princeling!

Hasegawa

Shut up! He may be an idiot, but he’s still a prince!

Kagura

A strong woman would forget about past relationships and prepare herself for a new love.

Hasegawa

I didn’t get dumped, and I’m not a woman! I’m saying he’s a prince! A prince!!

Shinpachi

I see, he’s a prince because he’s an idiot.

Hasegawa

No, he’s a prince even though he’s an idiot.

Kagura

I see, He’s an idiot even though he’s a prince.

Gintoki

So he’s an idiotic prince.

Hasegawa

No, retard, he’s a prince even though he’s an idiot.

Come on, cretins! Don’t call the idiot an idiotic prince! You’ll hurt his feelings!

You’re calling me an idiot too?

Shinpachi

Octopi in pots? Why don’t we put one of those out for a while and wait?

Gintoki

What are you, some kind of shy high schooler? Both in love and octopus hunting, you have to take the initiative!

There she is!

Shinpachi

Close, but no cigar!

Gintoki

Well the eyes look similar, but you think we can fool him?

Kagura

It’s possible!

Shinpachi

Oh, shut up! She’s a person!

Hey, are you all making fun of me?

Gintoki

Not at all. From today onwards, you’re Pace [the pet’s name].

My name’s Vanessa.

Kagura

Fine then. Your name’s Vanessa Pace.

Gintoki

Listen up. This thing we’re chasing is as delicate as fine china. Don’t startle it!

Kagura

Yeah, it’s as delicate as a teenager’s heart. The adults don’t understand it at all…

Shinpachi

Gin-san, we searched all over just to end up in this octopus pot?

Gintoki

Octopus like to get into pots…

Kagura

You can’t usually get put into a pot until you die.

Shinpachi

That’s an urn…but hey, Gin-san, isn’t this what I suggested in the first place?

Gintoki

No, it’s way different. After all this searching, I figured we deserved a little rest.

Shinpachi

You’re just too lazy to look properly!

Kagura

If this all there is to men, it’s a wonder that any woman is ever attracted to them…

Gintoki

Don’t worry, when it comes to women and octopi, they’ll eventually return to you, tails between their legs…

Kagura

Women don’t have tails.

Gintoki

Neither do octopi!

Shinpachi

What the hell are you guys on?!

Gintoki

Don’t let it get away! Come on, harder! This pot isn’t like a young woman’s heart, so don’t be afraid to break it!

Kagura

If we break it, all we need is a nice man to pick up the pieces!

Shinpachi

Aaaaah! We squashed it!

Gintoki

[looking inside of a vending machine slot]C-c-come on, we just have to calm down and try to find a t-t-time machine.

Shinpachi

You calm down! The time machine again?!

Hasegawa

This thing’s dead! I thought I told you to bring it unharmed, not one-dimensional!

Gintoki

It’s all right. I’m sure he just wanted to see it again for closure anyway. It’s always something like that.

Kagura

It got so flattened after we squished it with a pot…what a weakling!

Hasegawa

You squashed it?!

Gintoki

It’s not dead yet. It’s undead.

Hasegawa

Who the hell wants an undead octopus?!

Pace is back to his old self!

Kagura

I can eat all of that!

Gintoki

See, it is alive.

Hasegawa

We won’t be soon, though!

Gintoki

[holding up his bokuto] Oh well, there’s nothing for it. Kagura, go get some soy sauce, cuz we’re having chopped octopus tonight!

Kagura

Okay, soy sauce, right? We’re going to have a feast tonight!

Gintoki

Or would takoyaki be better? Itadakimasu!

Hasegawa

What is more important to you, one man’s life or those of an entire country?

Gintoki

I don’t want to think about it!