Gintoki quotes from Gin Tama

Hasegawa

Living by divine providence…That’s like something a little kid would say. Come to think of it, my mom always said… ‘You’re slouching. Stand up straight.’

Gintoki

[in flashback] Is it fun for you to do this?

Hasegawa

Mom, am I really doing what I should be?

Hey, listen to me! If you don’t do something about this, I’ll report it to my father…

Hasegawa

Shut the fuck up.

Shinpachi

Hey Gin-san, why is this manga called Gintama? I mean, you have to practically buy a special volume just to find out why it’s named this way!

Gintoki

Well see, it’s kinda formulated so high-school girls across the country can say, ‘Hey, did you see this week’s Gintama?’ So we rely on stuff like that to reach our goals. One might say that we’re systematically taking over the country, but it seems to be a horrific failure.

Shinpachi

Well I suppose that’s so, but hey, Kagura-chan, what have you been eating over there, all this time?

Kagura

[eating a dumpling as big as her] Takoyaki!

Gintoki

[looking out at the audience] How long has it been since this episode started? It took you so long to get to me! I'm the main character! Isn't it ridiculous that I don't appear?!

[timing Kagura] 12 minutes, 5 seconds.

Gintoki

This is Gintama, right? Hey? What? Huh? Right? If it were just Tama it'd be a flop! If I'm not in it, why is it Gintama?

Shinpachi

Well, today's episode is called: 'Exposé! 24 hours in the lives of the out-of-control Shinsengumi!!'

Gintoki

What's up with that?! I didn't hear about this!!

Shinpachi

Don't complain, Gin-san. At this rate, the Shinsengumi may actually become the main characters.

Gintoki

Seriously?!! That's right, they didn't show the Gintama opening song today! That was a close call. [smashes his face into the camera] This is Gintama! And I'm the main character!!!

All right, 30 more seconds.

Gintoki

All right, hurry it up. We're counting on you, Kagura. We didn't bring any cash.

Gintoki

If you wanna hire me, you pay up front.

Shinpachi

Gin-san, I haven't been paid in 2 months, so if anyone's going to pay it's you.

Gintoki

Well, someone's gonna have to.

Shinpachi

[whispering] Come on, you've got to get going, or you'll be replaced [as a main character].

Gintoki

Come out, knave! Where are you, stalker? I'll rain judgment down upon you!

Gintoki

You're a half-wit, coming out when called a stalker! Does that mean you admit you're a stalker?

Kondo

That's right, I'm a stalker of justice, and love is my quarry!

Otae

[holding Gintoki's arm lovingly] He's my fiancé. I'm getting married to him in the fall.

Gintoki

Is that so?

Gintoki

Idiot. I'm not going to run for small fry like you.

Kondo

Finally. You're late! Were you getting your hair dyed or something?

Gintoki

A hero never dyes his hair! I needed sugar!

Kondo

I never heard of a hero who needs a sugar rush to fight.

Gintoki

How nice...it's sunset. Duels should be fought in the evening.

Kondo

You've got a silver tongue, for a silver-headed perm boy.

Gintoki

You're pretty articulate yourself, for a gorilla.

Kondo

I'm not a gorilla! I may look like a gorilla, but I'm not!

Kondo

[to Gintoki] You're a good man. No, you're an honorable man. Kid, lend me your bokuto.

Gintoki

You're a good man too. Use that, my pride and joy, the Touya-ko.

Gintoki

It would be stupid for anyone to lose anything over a matter like this. This was the best way to settle it painlessly.

Kondo

[on the ground, beaten up] This is painless?

Gintoki

All right then. Let's go you guys...

Kagura

[strangling Gintoki from behind] I misjudged you! I thought you were an honorable samurai!

Shinpachi

[kicking Gintoki] Are you proud of yourself, you damn dirty cheat?!

Gintoki

Come on, I protected your sister. Don't be like..

Kagura

I'm going home. Don't ever show your face to me again!

Shinpachi

I'm taking a leave of absence!

Otae

Painless, eh? Well, it looks like Gin-san's the one in the most pain, in the end...

Gintoki

This is really the worst pain ever...

Third year, class Z, Ginpachi sensei!

Gintoki

All right, take out your textbooks. Today, Shimura's [Otae] recorder was stolen. The culprit may be in another class, but then it'd be hard to find, so I decided to look for it in this class. Whoever stole it, raise your hand. It's fine if it's a lie. If you admit it, I'll let you off with just playing one line of 'Give me Wings' on it.

Hijikata

Sensei! If we do that, we'll be ruined musically for the rest of our lives! Please, if you must have us play, make it be the famous fight song 'Bring it On.'

Gintoki

All right then, play the fight son 'Bring it On.'

Hasegawa

Hey, sensei, I don't get it...wait, that's not even a song.

Gintoki

All right, fine. I'll play it. Someone lend me their recorder.

Kagura

Sensei, take mine. It's broken and doesn't really play, though...[blows air into her food which looks somewhat like a recorder]

No way! Your cigarette smell will spread.

Gintoki

I've told you, this isn't a cigarette. It's a lollipop!

Lollipops don't smoke.

Gintoki

I'm telling you, it's just that it's soooooo lolilolilolied that it smokes. [pulls the lollipop out of his mouth] Come on, girls. One of you loan me your whistle. I'll lolly it up.

NO WAY!

Kondo

Cut it out, girls! Our teacher is trying his best to find out who did this! Sensei, use mine! Even if you get your spit on it, I have two!

Gintoki

[slightly menacing] Why do you have two of them...

Kondo

Wait, please. Just a minu...Ahhhh! It's so out of tuuuuune!

Shinpachi

[over Gintoki playing Kondo's recorder] Sensei, may I go to the nurse's office?