Gintoki quotes from Gin Tama

Gintoki

[pointing his bokuto at the guy] At least give us an interview.

Katsura

[pointing his sword at the guy] Look, we even have resumes.

Shinpachi

This is no good. I’m so dizzy, I can’t walk.

Kagura

I’ve been in the sun so long, I’m getting light headed. Piggyback!

Gintoki

What are you two brats whining about? Who do you think is the most tired?! It’s with-a-two-day-hangover, with-body-beat-up, he-did-his-best Gin-san!

Shinpachi

But I’m really dizzy you know.

Kagura

Yeah, I’m so light headed!

Gintoki

Whatever, I’m going home. [starts walking away, then stops] Cut the crap already! I’ll give you a piggyback or whatever! [Kagura and Shinpachi run to Gintoki] What the hell, you’re just bursting with energy…

Kagura

Gin-chan, I feel like eating ramen!

Shinpachi

I want sushi, too!

Gintoki

Don’t think you can eat food like that unless it’s your birthday. Geez, you guys are so heavy, dammit.

Katsura

This time, you’re holding on to them as tightly as you can.

Kagura

Gin-chan, what’s ‘in cahoots’?

Gintoki

[snores]

Kagura

Hey, don’t fake it, you stupid natural perm!

Shinpachi

[watching TV with Gintoki] So the princess likes to eat sukonbu, eh.

Gintoki

What are you, stupid? That's a big fat lie! She's just acting like ordinary people to make us think royals can be lovable! I bet when she gets back to the palace, she chows down on tons of sushi! Now, take a look at a real sukonbu girl. [turns towards Kagura, who is sleeping] You can see how poor she is just by looking at the way she sleeps! That's reality for you.

Gintoki

[wearing a pink apron] Afternoon…it’s Cooking Today…

Otae

Today’s menu is omu rice! It’s popular with the oldest grandmothers and the youngest children! Right, sensei?

Gintoki

I hate children. Besides, why do I have to cook for other people anyway?

Otae

[pointing a knife at Gintoki] Let’s skip the extra talking, and get with the cooking, sensei.

Otae

Let’s begin with the chicken rice. Sensei, where do we start?

Gintoki

Kagura, cut the vegetables. Slice them into small pieces.

Kagura

Got it! [slices the onion, and table, into pieces with her hands]

Shinpachi

Hey! Now what will we do?

Kagura

I definitely sliced it into small pieces.

Gintoki

You’re supposed to cut vegetables this way. Oi! [throws an onion in the air and dices it with his bokuto] Yep, that’s how it’s done.

Shinpachi

Hey! No way can people cut onions with a bokuto!

Gintoki

It’s all in the mind! The mind! Not just cutting onions—you can do anything with the mind!

Otae

Um, sensei, since the show started, you’ve just thrown in ingredients. Aren’t you going to explain what you’re doing?

Gintoki

It’s all right. Don’t worry. All these should be easy to do.

Otae

But we’re running a cooking show, after all. It’s pretty abnormal not to explain clearly what’s happening…

Gintoki

Well, when men cook, it’s always like this. If you just follow what I do, then…[sudden cut to a finished dish]

Otae

The dish is finally ready.

Shinpachi

When did you add the noodles??

Gintoki

Oi, oi, What did you do? We don’t have anymore rice here now…

Otae

I thought something like this would happen, so I’ve already prepared the completed dish.

Shinpachi

It can’t be…

Gintoki

It’s not some burnt eggs, is it? [They open the box to a disembodied scream. There are charred eggs inside.] I knew it…

Kagura

Do we really have to eat this?

Gintoki

Zura... What the hell's that? That's unpleasant!

Katsura

It's not unpleasant; it's Elizabeth.

Gintoki

Maybe it doesn't look bad by itself, but being next to you makes it unpleasant! I mean, it's you who's unpleasant.

Gintoki

Well yeah, I think the years have softened him [Katsura]. I wonder if he'd like to take this one [Sadaharu, that is chewing on Gintoki's head] too? We don't need anything from which we can't profit. This thing only gives us shit and pain.

Kagura

Aren't you being a bit unfair to Sadaharu? Keep crushing his skull, Sadaharu. [Sadaharu bites harder on Gintoki until he starts bleeding.]

Gintoki

Wait, wait, wait, wait! Got it, got it! Shit and pain, plus piss!

Kagura

Well, it's okay, Sadaharu. Let him go. [Sadaharu glomps Gintoki's head]

Shinpachi

It's NOT okay! You didn't add anything positive!

Otose

One week?

Gintoki

Yeah, I'll be sure to pay you within the next week, interests included.

Kagura

And I've promoted myself for that! I'll be able to eat as much sukonbu as I want!

Shinpachi

You've got such narrow goals...

Gintoki

[dressed in Sena Kobayakawa's uniform from Eyeshield 21] Uh, couldn't you finish this in a more delicate way?

Shinpachi

It's like we're putting our lives on the line with every blow.

Katsura

So, you decided to heed my advice and train Sadaharu?

Gintoki

Don't be stupid! Why would I change my mind just by listening to you?

Kagura

We're gonna take Sadaharu here to TV!

Katsura

TV?

Gintoki

That's why we're training! Not that it would matter to you, anyway-- WAAARGH! [Sadaharu stomps on Gintoki and Shinpachi's groins with its hind feet.]

Kagura

Yeah, great! Hit 'em where it hurts, Sadaharu!