Gintoki quotes from Gin Tama

Uh, that thing chewing on your head... is it Sadaharu? Is he fine?

Gintoki

Yeah, no prob. Sadaharu's pretty smart, he knows just how much I can take.

But you seem to be bleeding...

Shinpachi

Geez, can't you take this any more seriously? Keep it up, and we won't make it to the finals!

Gintoki

[bleeding, with his head bitten on by Sadaharu] Really? But the judges are staring so much at my beautiful face...

Shinpachi

Of course they are! Take a look in a mirror!

Gintoki

What the crap does that guy think he's doing? Even being in the most wanted list, he dares to show up on TV in disguise.

Shinpachi

I think he really loves his pet.

Kagura

Not just the pet; I think he loves to play dress-up.

By the way, the winner will get 30,000 points, so give it your best!

Katsura

Hey, Mr. Announcer! Then what was the first part of the competition for?

Well, that was just to make the show more entertaining...

Katsura

There's no need for that kind of thing! I demand you change the rules immediately!

Gintoki

Hey Zura, stop bothering the announcer with your demands. If you got any beef with this, then just go home.

Gintoki

Hey old man, make him [Hasegawa] something his Mama would make.

How should I know what it is?

Gintoki

When I say "something Mama would make", I meant some digestive biscuits! Ain't that obvious?

What kind of mother's that?!

Gintoki

I'm so bored... Can you make the ride for free?

Hasegawa

Stop joking around. I'm making a living off of this.

Gintoki

Whatever. Just take me past the horizon.

Hasegawa

What are you, my bride?

Gintoki

So, how's the new job?

Hasegawa

It was fine until you came around.

Gintoki

Not long before you were at the gates of death. Now you're looking way better.

Hasegawa

Stop bothering me. Nothing's changed. I've got a new job, but no purpose in life. I still can't see anything ahead of me.

Gintoki

Well, ain't that the same for everyone? If you look for it persistently, soon you'll find it.

Hasegawa

Nah, I don't think so. You and me are the only demotivated people in this anime.

You've got to be kidding me!!! First you tear off my lure, and now you want to return?! Are you serious?! I have to see a panda today, no matter what!!!

Hasegawa

C'mon now, you'd rather see a panda than helping Earthl people out? A human baby's pretty cute, you know.

What do I care?!? Why should I feel anything for a bunch of malnourished, rancid monkeys?! Why should I give a damn to what happens to one or two human babies? Just who do you think I am?!!

Gintoki

[grabbing the Prince by his face] Who do you think you are? You're just an agent.

Hasegawa

You'd better stop. What do you think you're doing to the Prince, you bastard? [Gintoki glares at him.] I see, Your Highness. You'll be glad to see a panda, right? Now that I remember, there's one close by.

Eh? Really? Where?

Hasegawa

Just look in a mirror in the morning!!! [punches the Prince through the rear window.]

Otose

I don't give a damn if you're the number one inventor in Edo. For all I've seen, all you do is scrap metal. It's time we from Kabuki-cho dealt with you. [blows smoke from her cigarette.] Alright boys, your turn now.

Shinpachi

[on a microphone, with heavy feedback] Well, first of all, I'm Shinpachi Shimura from Kabuki-cho. Pleased to meet you all.

Otose

Enough! Make him shut up for God's sake! Why the hell is he so noisy?! It feels like our noses are ringing!

Gintoki

The best way to stop a bothersome guy is by outbothering him! If someone is never defeated, then he'll never understand others' pain!

Otose

It's you who don't understand it! My eardrums are about to explode!!!

Gintoki

What are you talking about?! It's Shinpachi who's suffering the most here! He's the one who has to sing and show the world how tone-deaf he is!

Gintoki

One cup of tea, please.

Saburo

Understood.

Hiraga

Saburo! Why are you obeying him?! Get me outta here!

Gintoki

Hey, these things you make are actually pretty useful, old man. Can I have one of these walking trashcans? [Saburo pours hot tea on Gintoki's head.] Ouch! That hurts!!

Hiraga

[laughing] Serves you right! Saburo can only understand a few words. And he'll attack whoever insults or attacks him. [to Saburo] Well! Now that you've learned, untie me now! Make it quick, you pile of junk! [Saburo punches him.]

Hiraga

Since the Shogun appears so rarely, I've been requested by the Shogunate to make a presentation with my robots. What'll I do? If I don't have it ready in time, I'll have to commit seppuku!

Gintoki

That reminds me, we left some curry cooking at home. [he, Shinpachi and Kagura run away carrying one of Saburo's arms]

Gintoki

So, this was all your doing, Takasugi.

My doing? Don't make me laugh. I just saw what he wanted and offered a hand. I know of his suffering. After all, the dark beast of revenge lies within me too. "Let's avenge our comrades!", "let's give the enemy a taste of our suffering!", "let's kill them!", "let's kill 'em all!"... These words keep ringing in my ears, nonstop. Can you hear them, Gintoki? ...No. I'm sure you can't. Someone like you, who left it all behind due to blissful indifference, could never understand it.

Gintoki

Takasugi, if you underestimate me, then you're in trouble. I, too, am breeding a beast.

[thinking] I... can't move...

Gintoki

Not a dark one, but a white one. And its name... is Sadaharu! [throws a punch]

Hiraga

Why... Why must it always end like this?

Gintoki

Well, I'm sure it's enough for you to live on through old age.

Gintoki

Eh? An underwear thief?

Shinpachi

Yeah. It seems it happened while I was at the Odd Jobs, she had her underwear stolen twice.

[while Shinpachi speaks.] Whose coffee and chocolate ice cream is this?

Gintoki

Mine.

Kagura

The veal fillets are mine!

Shinpachi

Can you do anything about it?

Gintoki

[eating his ice cream.] What are you talking about?

Shinpachi

I just told you, a panty thief!

Gintoki

Oh, panty thief?

Shinpachi

That's right! While I was living at the Odd Jobs, her underwear was stolen twice! Aren't you gonna do anything?

Gintoki

[still eating the ice cream.] Do anything about what?

Shinpachi

[exasperated] I'm telling you! The thief who's stealing underwear! Panties! [everyone in the restaurant suddenly turns their attention to Shinpachi.]

Gintoki

[nonchalantly] Oooh, a panty thief, right?

Shinpachi

Are you even listening?

Gintoki

I heard that, a long time ago, people wore no underwear beneath their clothes. Craftswomen, girls walking around the street, little girls, even princesses...

Shinpachi

Isn't it all the same? If you wanted to give examples, you should've given a broader age gap to nclude old women, adult women and young girls.

Gintoki

You dumbass! We're not talking about underwear, panties or wearing nothing! If we were talking about lingerie, we should talk only about young girls!

Kagura

Hey, only old men say "panties" these days.

Shinpachi

Eh? Are you serious?

Gintoki

You can't say "scantily clad" either.

Shinpachi

Nobody says that these days.

Gintoki

One thing you should never say is "thong". That word robs the girls from their shyness and deprives men from their joy.

Kagura

Well, I'm wearing a tie-up thong! [Gintoki and Shinpachi get startled.]

Gintoki

You liar! That's a lie!

Kagura

I'm not lying. I've been wearing the same garments for years now. But now they're so wasted, there's only the cord left.

Shinpachi

What kind of underwear is that?

Kagura

In a way, you may say it's "vintage panties".

Gintoki

They're not worth a cent. Take 'em off.

Gintoki

Regardless, our ancestors never paid no mind to underwear, nor did they wear it. In other words, one could do whatever they liked. Even the princesses were valiant like generals under their kimonos!

Shinpachi

That's actually not a bad contradiction.

Gintoki

Even when they seemed docile on the outside, they still were like a shogun on the inside. Or barbarians in-- [Otae interrupts him by punching his face.]

Otae

[deep, serious voice.] I don't want you to bother me with your "no underwear" theories. That darned thief stole my favorite "battle panties", the pervert!

Gintoki

"Battle panties"? You planned to fight somebody?

Otae

Exactly. I may need my full strength to settle the score. Never judge a book by its cover.

Gintoki

[still with Otae's fist buried on his face.] And what will that get you? Would it satisfy you to get revenge in a duel to the death just to recover something you lost? Is that acceptable, if only to recover your panties?

Otae

[with an evil smile.] It's not just the panties. I'll catch him and make him bleed.

Shinpachi

Sister...!

Gintoki

That's not something a civilized, panty-wearing girl would say. I'd say that's the kind of thing you'd expect from a naked hunter from centuries ago.