Kirk Gleason quotes from Gilmore Girls

He's definitely moved out. Last time I saw the "beagle"s car in the driveway was days ago. Then I saw the movers truck. So only the "hen" lives there now.

So did the "hen" break up with the "beagle" or the "beagle" break up with the "hen"?

I don't know.

The poor "hen".

She's been through so much. I was kinda getting used to him...the "beagle".

He's not right for her. He's a "beagle" you know. And "beagles" belong with "beagles".

And the "hen" belongs with the "rooster".

Maybe.

Well, does the "rooster" know about the "hen" and the "beagle".

Oh yeah, Esther Tilly was in here yesterday, blabbing her big mouth off.

Oh, how did he take it. Did you see his face?

Oh yeah, but you know the "rooster", it's like looking at Stonehenge. I don't know what he thinks.

Oh, I hope he gets his act together because I think they're perfect.

I think the "hen" belongs with someone else. Like a "penguin" or an "ostrich".

Kirk

I can no longer sit here listening to this.

Oh good. Go sit over there.

Kirk

I'm sorry but I can't in good conscience let this perverse conversation continue. Are you insinuating that a hen could mate with an ostrich? Because even ignoring the question of biological feasibility, it's completely morally reprehensible...How do you expect her to lay those eggs!?!?

Lorelai

[walks back into Luke's] Hey.

Kirk

Well, well, well. I always suspected this day would come.

Lorelai

Hi, Kirk.

Kirk

You're not getting this seat back.

Lorelai

Huh?

Kirk

You can't. It's mine now. And frankly, I can see why you hogged it for so long.

Lorelai

What?

Kirk

It's clearly the best stool in the joint. It's close to the cash register and the kitchen, which guarantees plenty of face time with the boss. Climate wise, it's positioned between two air conditioning vents, which creates a nice cross ventilation, never...

Lorelai

Kirk, you can have the seat.

Lorelai

Hey.

Luke

Hey. (pause) Coffee?

Lorelai

Yes, please.

Luke

To stay or to go?

Lorelai

Uh...to stay!

Luke

Good! Okay. [reaches around to pour her a cup of coffee]

Lorelai!

Babette

Hi, doll!

It's so nice seeing you back in here.

Lorelai

Thanks.

Babette

It's been a long time. What, nine, ten months?

Lorelai

Yeah something like that.

Kirk

Actually, I can tell you exactly when Lorelai was in here last [pulls out a notebook] cause I marked it in my calendar. May 22, 2006. Stool available. Question mark. It's important to..

Luke

Enough Kirk. [hands Lorelai her coffee] Here you go.