What's with all the seniors? I can handle dog smell but old people smell?
AngieThey're part of "Operation Christmas Rescue", they're wrapping gifts for disadvantaged children.
This is your third new charity, I thought you were only going to do a couple hours a week?
Angie
Well the gang people introduced me to the clothesdry people and it's really hard to say no when you're needed so much!
Alright, but just don't bring any of your charity cases in my office.
Angie
Why? What happened with Marisol?
She's horrible! You know that guy who got fired and then came back to try and shoot up the plant? HE had a better attitude!
Angie
You're just overreacting!
Oh yeah? Well her and Ernie were playing chicken with forklifts, except Ernie wasn't even in a forklift, he was just running.
[to Angie] I thought we were gonna watch movies tonight, I already rented some.
Angie
Well I can't right now, George.
Oh, this changes everything, I coulda gotten a movie I like. Instead of one that"ll..."Touch your heart and celebrate the triumph of the human- [snores]"
Angie
Alright, alright, that is IT. A week ago, you guys didn't need me for anything but as soon as I find something I wanna do, you're helpless! Carmen, there's a sewing book by the machine, FIGURE IT OUT. And Max, I bet if you cleaned your room, you would find your bookbag, and George, make your own dinner and watch your CHICK FLICK. Everybody stop asking me to do things you could be doing on your own! I swear I've never met a more selfish bunch of people. [storms off]
[the seniors stare]
What are you looking at, mind your own buisness.
[the seniors continue staring]
I said mind your own buisness!
Angie
[comes back] THEY'RE DEAF, GEORGE.
[George and Angie talk about re-modelling Benny's bathroom]
Angie
This is a big job. Shouldn't you hire professionals?
Professionals?! Angie, please! I got this!
[Benny and Angie are talking about George]
Oh, he's scared of death. Ever since he was a kid.
Angie
He never told me that. Did something happen?
Oh, just the kind of stuff that really is out of a parent's control.
Angie
Like what?
Like, um, I lied to him and told him that his dad died when he was four. That probably didn't help.
Angie
Mm-hmm.
And then, he was really scared, and he asked me if he was ever gonna die.
Angie
And what did you say?
I said no. I said, "When you grow up, they will have cured all of the diseases and you're gonna live forever." Now, that one wasn't my fault. Science let me down.
So I walk in and there he is, Tommy "Rango" Durango, can you believe that? The conflict manager is my bully from grade school!
Angie
I would have loved to have met him George but SOMEBODY didn't wait for our E-ppointment.
I'm sorry Angie but I couldn't wait. You know this guy tells me that Carmen's problems are gonna blow over...but now I'm starting to think he's doing nothing on purpose to get back at me.
Angie
Why would he do that?
[flashback to when George, Ernie and Durango are in grade school.]
DDurango
If I get expelled for this, you're dead! You hear me? DEAD!
[laughing] Don't drop the soap!
[they both walk off, cut back to the present]
Angie
Come on George, you're being paranoid! I mean who holds a grudge for 30 years?
So you're not still mad that I forgot to wear my jacket in our wedding photo?
Angie
No.
Doesn't bother you at all.
Angie
Nope.
Angie
Of course not. I'm just glad that the happiest day of my life was just Casual Saturday to you. Every time I walk by that picture, I die a little.
Well I'm glad you're still over it.
[Carmen walks in the house all bloodied up]
I got into a fight with Piper. She kept called me a slut and then she pushed me.
Angie
Honey are you okay? You have blood on you!
Yeah, I punched her in the nose.
DAMN, my girl's a scrapper!
Angie
George!
Angie let me have this, she drew blood!
I didn't start the fight, I didn't even WANT to fight her but, ugh, she made me. You believe me, right?
Good, cause Mr. Durango didn't. I'm suspended.
Angie
Wait, YOU'RE suspended? That's not right.
See Angie, I told you, he's paying me back by getting at my daughter, you still think I'm being paranoid?
[walks in] Hey what's going on?
Carmen got in a fight, Mom.
Look, you have blood on you!
DAMN, my granddaughter's a scrapper!
Mom, we don't encourage violence in this house. [they secretly highfive]
Angie
Benny, take Carmen upstairs and help her clean up.
Sure. Let's go champ. [takes her upstairs]
Angie
Okay, I agree this Rango guy has a history with you and maybe he even thinks he can still bully you, but he has NOT messed with me before. He is gonna fix this and fix it now.
Don't tell you're going back to the website?
Angie
To HELL with the e-ppointment! When my baby gets hurt, I go medieval, we're going over there.
Angie
Oh NOW you remember your jacket!
[at Carmen's school]:
Angie
Mr Durango, I'm Angie Lopez, you know "Spuds" [points to George]
DDurango
Glad you're here. We need to talk about your daughter.
Look man, no more talking. I told you i wanted those girls brought in and you didn't, and my daughter got hurt. NOW you're gonna do something starting with unsuspending Carmen.
DDurango
I can't do that.
Angie
Yes you can, Carmen is the victim here.
DDurango
She is not. I spoke to Piper and the other girls who were there, Carmen started the fight.
Angie
That doesn't make any sense.
DDurango
It does if you know that Adam broke up with Carmen to go out with Piper.
Angie
Piper and her friends are lying to you.
DDurango
Well you're not exactly an unbiased party. So unless you have a witness to back up Carmen's story, I have to take Piper's word.
[Later on, Adam's now in the room]:
I started the rumor about Carmen because she broke up with me, then I saw Piper and her friends making fun of Carmen.
Piper's lying. I saw her push Carmen and throw the first punch. She started the fight.
DDurango
And no one put you up to this?
DDurango
Okay. Mr and Mrs Lopez, I'll talk to the vice principal and I'll get Carmen's suspension reversed. I'm sorry.
Angie
You're not suspended. Piper is.
You can go back to school. Mr. Durango's gonna make sure none of the kids ever mess with you again.
Angie
Carmen, everything is gonna be better now. Adam's gonna tell everyone that he lied.
You don't understand. It's too late. I'm the school whore now.
Angie
Carmen, I think you're getting a little carried away. [Carmen walks over to the answering machine and turns it on]
TBTeenage Boy
[over the answering machine] Yeah. This is Jason. I'd like to leave a message for the school whore. [he and another boy start laughing]
Who are those boys? I'll get 'em suspended.
[starts to cry] Then suspend everybody! You know what else happened today? A boy followed me in the bathroom and asked me if I wanted to do it!
Angie
[as she tries to comfort Carmen] Honey...
Another boy pulled up my shirt when I was walking down the hall! [cries] Please don't make me go back. Please! [hugs George as she cries]
It's okay, baby. We'll figure something out. Go upstairs so your mom and I can talk. [Carmen goes upstairs]
Angie
She's not wrong. She can never get her reputation back.
I don't want to see her suffer like this for three more years.
Angie
Me either. What are you thinking?
Angie
That's what I was thinking. Can we afford it?
No. We'll have to sell the boy.
Angie
That's how people say goodbye, Max.
No, in the garage last night.
Angie
What?!
In her nightgown. The red one, not the black one! Dad said we should wait 'til she left to tell you.
Left the city, man. Not the porch!
Angie [to Max]: Hey honey, you hungry? I made some veggie burgers. I got one left!
No way. Vegetarians are left-wing nutjobs. They undermine the beef industry and put a lot of good, hard-working Americans out on their butts.
Angie
...What?!
That's what my head ranger, Mr. Dugan, says.
Man, what are they teaching you over there? You're supposed to be learning about knots and wood carving.
Wood carving? Ha! Try to get a piece of lumber nowadays, with all these liberal tree-huggers.
You know what I hate? You can't smoke in restaurants, but a mother can pull out her chi-chi's to feed a baby.
Max [to George]: Can I get a gun permit?
Dude, you still got cartoons on your underwear. No.
Angie
[to Marisol] I don't believe you. I bring you into my home and you betray me? There are two things that are keeping me from tearing into you right now, my son is sleeping next door and I'm pretty sure you could kick my ass.
I was only trying to help Carmen.
Angie
Help Carmen? You could have got her killed. You weren't just going to a club, you were out looking for your psycho boyfriend.
I wasn't looking for Junior.
Angie
Oh yeah? You don't know where he hangs out? You were shocked to run into him?
I don't know, I don't want to talk about this anymore. Get out of my way, prom queen.
Angie
No, and you are NOT dealing with the prom queen, I was first runner-up.
[sarcastically] Wow, it's like we've lived the same life.
Angie
I don't want to hear how tough you've had it. You already quit the gang, you got a job and if it were me, I would start to feel better about myself but I guess you still think you deserve a guy who treats you like CRAP.
Hey, you don't know how hard it was to leave him.
Angie
Noooo, you're right, it's much easier to stay and be abused. GO AHEAD, throw your life away, cause I don't give a damn anymore. [leaves room]
[mutters] I screwed up, I'm sorry.
Angie
[enters back in quickly] Now that you've apologized, we can work on your self esteem, I'll talk to George about you staying, nighty night. [closes door again]
Angie
Where's Carmen? I want to talk to her.
I told her to stay in the living room until Marisol's gone.
Angie
Listen, I'm sorry, this was all my fault.
Nice try but you're not getting anything out of me.
Angie
George, it's not a trick, it's my fault, you can agree with me.
So we're never helping anyone out ever again?
Angie
Never.
If someone's on the side of the road and they're dying, what do we do?
Angie
Drive on by.
And if somebody leaves a baby on the doorstep?
Angie
Wait until nightfall and let the coyotes get it!
[laughs] That's my girl. Well in about 10 minutes, This will all be over once Marisol's out of the house.
Angie
Hey, listen about that-
Angie
You don't even know what I was gonna say! I got an idea.
George Lopez · 221 quotes
