Angie Lopez quotes from George Lopez

George

Angie, do you think the kids have favorites?

Angie

No, I think they love us both equally.

George

Hey Max.

Max

Hey dad.

George

Answer a question for us. Your mom and I are both drowning and there's only one life preserver.

Angie

George!

Angie

Come on you guys, let's just try to forget about the money and have some breakfast. How about some scrambled eggs, we'll call my dad for a loan and maybe some french toast?

George

No, I'm not taking money from your dad.

Angie

Okay, okay. Then how about some waffles, please just swallow your pride, and maybe some orange juice?

George

Angie, your dad's been here for a month, how long is he gonna stay?

Angie

We can't kick him out while he's getting over the divorce, he's staying here as long as he needs to. End of discussion.

George

Alright.

(to Angie) Hey, now I know what you've been knitting, a to-go bag for my son's huevos.

George

Hey J-Man, what's up?

Jason

What's up, man?

George

Wait up for Carmen.

Jason

Carmen? (looks at her) Oh yeah... I've seen you in the cafeteria, nice to meet you.

George

That's how you treat your girlfriend?

Jason

Girlfriend? Yeah right. (walks off with his friends)

Carmen

...I'm going home! (runs off)

Angie

Carmen!

George

Follow her and make sure she's alright, I'll deal with Jason. (gets out of the car) It's bad enough to ignore my daughter but I thought we had something. "What's up, man?" I don't think so. Yo, Breakfast Club!

George

You did it this time, Max. You're grounded for sneaking Ricky in the house.

Angie

He's already grounded for skateboarding in the house.

George

All right, then no video games for a month.

Angie

We took them away for eavesdropping on the phone calls.

George

Allowance?

Angie

Took it away when they burned down the garage.

George

Okay, you leave me no choice. For the rest of the month... You're not allowed to use your hands.

Hey, Mr. and Mrs. Lopez, is Carmen ready?

Angie

She just left.

George

You know, Noah, I went to see A Walk in the Tuscan Meadow last night. Saw the whole thing.

Didn't you love the ending when the cheesemaker comes home from war, but he can't make cheese anymore because he lost his arms? But then his son shows up and says, "Papa, I'll be your hands."

George

Yeah, that was really moving, but I meant the gay horseplay.

What?

Angie

Mr. Lopez saw you... Being very friendly with another boy.

George

Okay, we talked to Carmen, and it's all out in the open, okay? So nobody has to sneak around anymore.

Well, thank god, 'cause I thought you'd be mad at Carmen.

Angie

Why would we be mad at her? She can't help who she falls for.

Because she was sure you guys would freak if you knew she was seeing Zack.

Angie

Zack?

George

Zack Powers?

Um, actually...

George

Wait, wait, wait, wait! She was seeing Zack Powers behind our back, and you were her cover?

Look, I'm really sorry about this. I mean, you guys are so nice to me and your mother, I really enjoyed meeting your mother, she was--

George

[interrupting] Enough of your lies! Out! I enjoyed meeting your mother, Ta Loca. I enjoyed meeting your mother.

Carmen

I don't believe you!

Showtime, monkeys!

Carmen

You can't threaten my boyfriend!

George

The fake, gay, cover boyfriend, or the boyfriend you've been seeing behind our backs for a month?

Carmen

You read my diary?! I hate you!

George

I know! It's written on every page in here. [reads the diary] "I hate Dad! God, I hate Dad!" "Hey, old lady! Hang up the miniskirt! You're not 15 anymore!" [to Angie] Oh, that one's about you.

Carmen

You had no right to read this.

Angie

You've lost all your rights by lying to us, and if we have to look in your diary to find the truth about Zack, we'll do it.

Carmen

Oh, you wanna know the truth?! Well, here it is! I'm dating Zack because I love him and he loves me too!

Angie

Carmen, he doesn't love you. He's just using you.

George

Look, he told me he was gonna dump you as soon as he gets you into bed. Wake up!

Carmen

You're lying! You hate him so much, you'd say anything to keep us apart!

George

Yeah? Did I make up that he vandalized the factory? That he got a girl pregnant?

Angie

He didn't respect the girl enough to be safe.

Carmen

No, no, no. You guys don't understand Zack. His dad was never there for him, and his mom's a bitter, old drunk. You have no idea what that's like.

George

[to Benny] You wanna field that one? [to Carmen] Okay, you know what? End of discussion. Okay, we did not raise you this far so you can screw up your life with Zack, so there is no way in hell that you are ever gonna see him again!

Carmen

You can't stop me, 'cause I'm almost 16. I'm almost a woman. I can do whatever I want.

George

Not as long as you live in this house. Okay, if you don't like it here, go live somewhere else.

Angie

George, please calm down.

George

Look, I'm not gonna calm down, Angie! I'm tired of her disrespecting us! [to Carmen] Go see what it's like out there! Send us a postcard!

Angie

George!

George

And don't expect me to come looking for you!

Carmen

I wish you weren't my dad.

George

[to Carmen] All right. What the hell happened out there?

Angie

Now is not the time, George.

Carmen

It's none of your business anyway.

George

Everything you do is my business.

Carmen

You have issues.

George

You're damn right I have issues. Look, I tried to give you everything I never had and you run away from it.

Carmen

Oh, yeah. I have everything. I have a father and a mother who treat me like a baby and control everything I do.

George

Carmen, you're lucky you have parents who care. Look, I didn't have a dad and I prayed that my mom would come home at 6:00 so I could see her before bedtime. If I was lucky, she came home drunk with the spins, so she'd have to hold on to me! That was my hug!

Angie

George! Remember the literature? She's home safe and sound. We should be happy now.

George

Look, Angie, don't try to pretend like everything's alright. Okay, it wasn't alright when last night you were crying.

Carmen

Maybe you should've thought of that when you told me to leave.

Angie

Stop it! We all need to give each other time to accept... [reaches for her brochure in her back pocket, reads it, then puts it back]... to accept the reunification process.

Carmen

You know, I still have my bag packed upstairs.

Angie

Then go get it.

Carmen

You don't mean that.

Angie

Yeah, I do, because having you stay out all night at parties is no different than having you run away.

Angie

[to George] You saw me in my dress before I hid, didn't you? That's when the bad luck started!

George

Sure, Angie. I ruined our string of bad luck with our dyslexic son, our runaway daughter and my mother who shows no sign of aging or disease whatsoever [Benny walks by coughing] A window just opened!

Angie

[about homeschooling Carmen] Well, George, I do have time now because I'm not working.

George

But homeschooling, Angie, that's a big commitment. Remember that special moment every morning when Carmen finally leaves for school and you say, "Thank god she's gone!"? You won't have that anymore!

George

[to Angie] You know what you always say to me when I'm down? A door may have closed, but a window just opened.

Angie

Am I really that annoying?

George

Let's not go there while you're down.

Angie

[to Max] I know middle school can be tough, but remember bullies are just friends who don't realize how special you are.

George

What kind of crap are you teaching him?! No wonder kids of all races are coming together to beat up Max!

Angie

[to Max] You remember the song Sammy the Skater sang? [sings] "You can still be rad with a helmet and some elbow pads."

George

Órale, Angie. You know what other song Sammy the Skater sang? [sings in the tune of "Pop Goes the Weasel"] "Shut up, shut up. You're making it worse. Now meet me in the kitchen."

Angie

[about Tammy taking a pregnancy test] The test was positive, but she's not. There were a few guys right before him.

And Ernie was the prize?! What sideshow must have been going on in her bedroom?