Futurama · Season 1
Very impressive. Back in the 20th century we had no idea there was a university on Mars.
Well, in those days, Mars just was a dreary, uninhabitable wasteland. Much like Utah. But UNLIKE Utah, it was eventually made livable, when the university was founded in 2636.
[While searching the jungle for Guenter]
Wow, the jungles on Mars look exactly like the jungles on Earth!
Jungles on Earth? [Laughs]
All I want is to be a monkey of moderate intelligence who wears a suit... that's why I'm transferring to business school!
NOOOOOO!
[upon discovering that the robots in his fraternity, Robot House, are all nerds] Uh oh! NERDS!
You robots are a disgrace to this university! Whenever a fire alarm is pulled, Robot House! Whenever the campus liquor store is looted, Robot House! Whenever a human corpse is desecrated...
Now I can explain that!
[repeated line] Robot House!!
So you're saying that he just ran off in the middle of the exam?
All he handed in was a paper smeared with feces. He tied with Fry.
You went to college?
Of course. I'm a bender. I went to Bending College; I majored in Bending.
What was your minor?
Robo-American Studies.
[upon meeting Guenter] My roommate's a MONKEY?
[dryly] Brilliant deduction. You're a credit to your species.
You want a banana?
I don't eat bananas. I prefer banana-flavored energy bars made from tofu.
[narrows his eyes] I don't like you.
It's a little experiment that may well win me the Nobel Prize.
In what field?
I don't care; they all pay the same.
Hey, professor. What are you teaching this semester?
Same thing I teach every semester: The Mathematics of Quantum Neutrino Fields. I made up the title so that no student would dare take it.
[writing] Mathematics of wonton burrito meals. I'll be there!
Please, Fry. I don't know how to teach. I'm a professor.
[during Single Female Lawyer as Fry spilled beer onto the controls] Oh, my God! You knocked FOX off the air!
Like if anyone on Earth cares.
The key to victory is discipline, and that means a well made bed. You will practice until you can make your bed in your sleep.
You mean while I'm sleeping in it?
You won't have time for sleeping, soldier, not with all the bed making you'll be doing.
Huh, err, sir, you don't understand. I'm a professional beach bully. I pretend to steal your girl, you punch me, I go down, she swoons, you slip me 50 bucks.
50 bucks? Not even if she was my girlfriend. You take her!
These quotes come from Wikiquote's Futurama pages and are available under the Creative Commons Attribution-ShareAlike License.
